Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Jacking for advice


I got the advice world shook and I am jacking your questions bitches. I'll jack anyone be it Savage, abby, or even bitch ass dr. phil. (but mostly abby for this column holler at an old whore won't you)

jacked from savage love:
I love my husband SO much, but I have this male friend at work that I just really click with. He is really funny and nice and witty. He was really down in the dumps a couple of weeks ago because his grandmother, whom he was really close with, had just died. He came into my office and I was talking to him about it and comforting him. I started hugging him, and the next thing you know, I was giving him a handjob. I wasn't even thinking about it—I just did it. Then I honestly thought, "I don't want to make a mess in here," so I swallowed his come. Now I don't know what to do. We are still just friends, but I can't decide if I should tell my husband about the "incident." Can you help me?
Just One Break

Savage said some nonsense that finished with him watching his bf jack off this dude and then him slapping his bf. Or something like that but come on mayne you can't ask a gay dude about this shit, them dudes are on a whole nother level of spite. So I am saying what you should do is tell your man the nasty shit you did and the next thing he knows he is calling you a trifling slut. Then what your whore ass does is you comfort him, then you start jacking him off and you swallow his seed. After you swallow his seed you say don't you feel better now. Then if the dude has any balls he throws you out on the street and you can go swallow your supposed nice co workers seed all you want, well thats after everyone at the cooler stops laughing at you for being so goddamn dumb. Seriously how dumb a tile (slang for cunt) do you have to be to fell for the dead grandma shit and then give dude a blowjob. I am saying every dude knows you know luh da cock, like trick daddy luh da kids.

Jacked from Dear Abbey,

I just graduated from college with an EE degree, and have managed to snag a job in the embedded industry. I bought a new car and one of those big-screen TVs, and am planning a vacation in Monaco. My dad is really furious with me and wants me to stuff all of the cash in the bank rather than have a good time. Now he’s talking about kicking me out of the house. After 4 years of college, don’t I deserve all of the goodies?

Signed,

Still Living Off The Hog

If you like the lavish things in life go to monaco, quit your job and become a stripper. The money will be good for a couple years, you'll be able to aford a new apartment, and all those vacations if you willing to go the extra mile in the champagne room. This should keep you living off the hog at least until your coke addiction gets to be too much. Then you whore yourself out for a bit with a drug dealer named Ralph. After that go back to your dad and blaime it all on him and tell him the monaco trip was still worth it.

Dear Abbey,

My colleagues all want to adopt eXtreme Programming (XP). It sounds pretty good to me because I get to code a lot more. Design is boring, and the boss sure is happy to see us crank code. We build autopilots for commercial jets. What do you think?

Who the fuck asks a skeleton that was born at the turn of the century some bullshit question about computer programming. I bet your the same type of dude that tries to pick up broads by saying you just bought the Sith happens dvd pack and have a room full of action figures in the plastic. Seriously what the fuck kind of question is this? What do I think, I think you need to get fucking laid. Get the fuck out of here with that type of question you david chauncy ass bitch.

DEAR ABBY,
My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? --CAROL

DEAR CAROL,
Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.

Abby you senile whore shut the fuck up. First of all if I ever got a fucking tie for my birthday I will slap that bitch so hard our kids we'll be seeing double. Fucking tie, what are we sitting on it to potsie. This ain't happy days, that drunk miaygi ain't making hamburgers at Arnolds, and if you think a tie is a good gift you need a good deep dicking to wake you up out of your slumber. Dude's 20 this is what he wants a bottle of hard booze, a cd, and a blowjob (possibly anal if you been dating more than 2 years). That will keep him happy, or maybe a videogame and tickling his balls if you haven't been dating that long. But a fucking tie shut the fuck up abby.

DEAR ABBY,
Do you think about dying much? --CURIOUS

DEAR CURIOUS,
No, it's the last thing I want to do.

Wait a minute Dear Abby isn't dead yet?

DEAR ABBY,
I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy- three and he's still chasing women. Any suggestions? --ANNIE

DEAR ANNIE,
Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.

Ummm I got one pill for you viagra. Grandpas can fuck forever now. You should buy him a whore out of loyalty. Come on he's 73 he needs some new pussy before he dies. In fact this is what should happen the whore who gives blowjobs when grandparents die should come visit this grandpa, give him a blow job he will never forget and then leave. That will be her pennance for being whore, hell she could even blow the computer programming nerd, and then everyone will be happy. Fuck these advice columnists I run shit in this realm.

Now here's some mp3s for the kids that hate advice columns but luh da free shit

z-trip and dj P - live on Groovetech 2000

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