You Know I Really Should Have Been the MVP This Year

I need to get this off my chest because its been bugging me since it's been announced but how the hell did I not win the MVP this year? This is a travesty, and to add insult to injury I didn't even receive one vote. You know who also didn't receive one vote? Yep, that Gump Ass Garnett. Now are the reporters trying to say I am on the same level as Kevin Garnett? Me, Matt Bonner, the White Bill Laimbeer, the red rocket with a stroke so sweet Ray Allen asks me for shooting tips, and not to mention arguably the toughest NBA player in history. And these reporters have the audacity to say Garnett is on my level. Why don't you just put a battery acid on my nuts while you're at because that's basically what your doing by implying this Garnett is on my level nonsense. Garnett is old, washed up, and no where near as cool as I am. Hell, I even have video proof of this.

Yep just another one of the billion upon billion Bonner-maniacs

You think people make Youtube videos of Kevin Garnett proclaiming him the coolest Celtic? Heck no becausewe all know the coolest Celtic is Brian Scalibrine.

Look at Scal give it to the media. This is why I keep telling Pop and his beard to bring him to San Antonio in via trade so we can start the best duo in the NBA called the Ginger Express of Doom. Think the Midnight Express crossed with the Road Warriors, but more high flying and powerful.

But back to the topic at hand and why I should be MVP and here are five reasons that prove my case without a doubt

1. I am Matt Bonner
Reasons 2 through 5 look above. I am Matt Fucking Bonner.

What more reasons could you need? So Lebron enjoy your tainted MVP reign this year cause whatcha gonna do brother next season when Matt Bonner and the billions of Bonner-maniacs come crashing down on you.

And here is a rap track that sums up my mvp year
Brand Nubian - Punks Jump up to Get Beatdown

old house monday

This is actually more disco than house but it's dope. It's D Train's 1982 track "Keep On." I wanted to drop this track because I just watched Notorious last night and this is one of the sample used in Biggie's "Sky is The Limit."

dope video directed by Spike Jonez to boot

Plus this is a good track to get older black ladies going crazy at the club and not to mention the french. The french love d train.

don't want to be disturbed...

swishas and erb ft. sleepy brown

Bonner Advice: Playoff Steez

We no longer jack for advice because they local drunk and focused faithful came through with their own advice questions for NBA superstar Matt Bonner. And yes these are all real questions sent to Matt Bonner.

Dear Bonner, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I have never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they can be Lebanese? signed, A concerned neighbor
Dear concerned....errr Miss California,

First things first you'se a meddlesome bitch. Let me guess you spend all day in your house coat, its probaly got a flower design or some shit, listening to R Kelly's "I Believe I can fly" on loop, while staring out your peephole to see what your neighbors are up to. I am saying somebody is trapped in the closest and it might not just be your social working, gym class teaching, must be scissoring it out neighbors. So basically you almost a big an idiot as that wench from California. Advice Edit :Ooops perv told me to read the message again and turns out she wants to know if they are Lebanese. How the fuck am I supposed to know if they are Lebanese? This is the worst mailbag ever who the hell reads this site. I am in the NBA I don't need this shit. You don't see Tim Duncan doing this. I need a new agent.


Dear Bonner, What can I do about all the sex, nudity, fowl language, and violence on my DVR?

Ummmm, two options: A: Stop being a pussy B: Don't dvr that shit.

Who the hell reads this site? Did b2 the baptist's brief stint writing here bring out all the idiots of the Flock? I am embarassed for these questions. Serial I am quitting. THis next question better not suck.

Dear Bonner, I have a man I can't trust. He cheat's so much I am not even sure the baby I am carrying is his.
Just call Maury already and lets watch your man do the dance

Yep, these are the Bonner-maniacs

songs that sound good at 5 AM

LCD soundsystem - No Love Lost (joy division cover)

can we resurrect Old Ice Cube?

Okay rap gods I have one prayer and that is we can bring back old and angry Ice Cube, you know that brother you love to hate, AmeriKKKa's most wanted, the dude who wanted to watch hollywood burn, and not become the new face of safe American Comedies.

Serial what the fuck. I get it money rules and getting old means you get lame. But if Jesus can turn water into wine (and really is there a better miracle than getting drunk?) can't we turn family star ice cube into angry ice cube. How the hell did Cube become about as hard as Cuba Gooding junior?

Okay Ice Cube is a problem. Dude is one of the greatest rappers who was blessed with a menacing voice, great flow, and the ability tell a story better than almost any rapper other than Biggie or Slick Rick. He was smarter than most, and realized Eazy E was fucking him over thus he went solo.
Ice Cube - No Vaseline
I am guessing it was those nice middle class schools he went to that taught math, maybe cube was in pre calculus(side note the only class I ever flunked in high school was a math class my second semester senior year. It was also the only class I routinely got detention for, the other reasons I got detention that year were for skipping lunch to get good grub at papa ginos or the like, but that was worth it because I would come to English class late and then forge my football coaches name for my late excuse, who was a teacher, and though I never got caught for the forging it was the sneaking back into the building where my skipping would get me caught, so you see middle class kids do live a gangster life)And can you imagine the family bbqs with del. Did cube just rag on him the whole time for being a weirdo? And ask him where George was the whole time?

Cube was middle class, yet hard as fuck. We overlooked his background because he was angry, made dope tracks, was better than 99 percent of rappers out, and covered his lack of "hood credentials" (for lack of a better term) by hanging out with the Lench Mob. Pretty much every early Ice Cube rap song is based straight off a Lench Mob true story. The problem is now we know what happened to Ice Cube. He sold out. But for the sake of Easter, and the fact I pretend Ice Cube was killed after he released the Predator anyway, let's pretend he is going to be resurrected tomorrow and angry as ever.(UMMm we will get to Common-uh ohhh)

Side common rant I was at the library yesterday and couldn't have been bothered to even borrow his new album for free. Yes that is how much he has fell off. He never recovered for that Badu pussy.

Anyway here is my side rant to Common: Dear Common, thinking about old Ice Cube made me realize that you pretty much killed any hope of him returning when you battled and saw the bitch in him those years ago, so I ask you on this sunday can you start drinking again, maybe even stuttering in your rap songs, and make an album that doesn't suck. I'll buy you a bottle of maddog and some NO ID beats if it helps. But please stop sucking. thanks in advance!

This a track that made me and big brother B2 get into a debate over rap music,i.e. would Cube have sounded better over the bomb squad than Chuck D. My brother argues that since Cube is a better rapper that sparser west coast beats fit his style more than a busy bomb squad production. The reason is because the bomb squad had to be to overcome the fact that as much as we revere Chuck D he was a very limited rapper. Blasphemy I know; but serial listen to Chuck D without bomb squad beats and tell me how good he is? Yeah exactly. Anyway I disagreed because Cube killed bomb squad beats and it just made him seem angrier. Cube was the better rapper and here is my proof. Sidenote my brother taught me all I know about rap, thus why I can school him on it now. I am saying he taught me too well, and he has a kid now and moved into Family movie rap status just like Cube.
Ice Cube ft. Chuck D - Endangered Species(tales from the darkside remix

Plus Cube was racist. Holy shit was he racist, and it ruled. I know it is a total double standard, but this is the same reason old muslim rap is so great, and christian rap sucks. Jesus is not a gangster, and rap is full of contradictions. But one thing angry rappers over good beats is always a formula for success.
Ice Cube - Bird in Hand
Sadly old Ice Cube is dead. And has been since predator. RIP CUBE even on Easter you can't be resurrected

RAP RAP RAP RAP RaP par umm RAP

I googled Rap to see what images came up and lo and behold this cartoon above was one of the top results and I have only one question what the fuck? This is like a High Times Family Circus. Where's the punchline? Is this a covert Jesus ad? Why is the stoner wearing a t-shirt that says rap? Is it ironic or is the illustrator trying to tell us this Andy Samberg looking motherfuckiing loves rap music?

I am confused. Poseidon look at me!

ummm Rap music?
Gang Starr - I'm the Man
and next is one of my personal favorite Gang Starr songs probably because this 12" never left my record bag (well before serato that is)
Gang Starr - Mass Appeal

Your ADD is sCREAMING

A demo version of a new track from one of my favorite musicians and all around dudes Andy
Eat Cloud - Your ADD is Screaming(demo version)

wait a minute Manu is not from Italy?

I am sure y'all heard Manu is out for the season after flopping errr messing up his ankle. Don't worry Bonnermaniacs that just means more three pointers for the red rocket to take and make as the Spurs take out Black Mamba and the rest of the west. So I was going to dedicate this kid cudi versus crookers via rusko remix of day n nite to Manu because he was one of them Italians and then beat perv informed me dude was from Argentina. What the hell no wonder he never seemed that enthusiastic whenever I invited him over for some spagett and meat balls.
Kid Cudi versus Crookers - Day n Nite (Rusko Remix)(Bonner jacked this track from a dope blog You Can Call Me Pelski which I accidently found when I was looking for red sox legend Jonny Pesky's site. Yes I was drunk while searching.)
Shout out to the Pesky Pole!

this song sounds good at 4:55 in the AM

Depeche Mode - Get the Balance Right