Monday, January 30, 2006

Get High. Get Stupid. Get Aids.

Here is a little appetizer for y'all before you come out to the red door night for the return of b2 and the orginal mothership connection and word on the street is his orginal sidekick KC will be coming out as well. This show I am posting up is from july in 1994 when a snot nosed 11 year old, yes a little beat pervert would make his radio debut. Anyway there are two parts recorded from the original cassette and y'all get to hear me say the west coast is wack. But yeah all early 90's rap because it actually was the early 90's. So enjoy this and come out tonite and we can drink a 2 dollar pbr together while listening to hardcore rap music.

The west coast is wack
dfc - dig a bigger ditch
PMD - ?
biz markie - nobody beats the biz
house of pain - all that
audio two - I don't care
notorious big - juicy
Public Enemy - Louder than a bomb
lady of rage - afro puffs
flatliners - live evil

Get High. Get Stupid. Get Aids.
sugarhill gang - rapper's delight
lady kimberly - best in the west
bush whackers - who wylin
Stefan -frostbit
gravediggaz - diary of a madman
wu tang clan - method man
craig mack - flavor in your ear
el sauve - who you think your gassing
redman - Blow your mind
mobb deep - shook ones part 1
tribe called quest - oh my god
eric sermon - ?

Couple things from the show to check out first the promo for aids. its Ruthless Records crazy. It starts off with a bunch of people talking about crazy things they did drunk like put their underwear on their head! crazy! Then some girl was like I tripped while drunk and grabbed a table cloth and pulled it off the table! WilD! Then debby fucking downer comes in with her story about how she got drunk and high and had unprotected sex and now has aids. Ummm what the fuck? One dude is putting undershorts on his head and this bitch is gettting aids. Then the promo goes get high. get stupid, Get Aids. Ummm half my life is spent high and stupid I hope I don't have aids. So tonite's motto is Get High. Get Stupid, But don't get aids.

Just when I thought I was out...they pull me back in

Okay t minus one day till the Mothership lands and as a special treat we got a Royal Rumble review for ya. I am not gonna lie I have fell off a bit on my wrestling viewing, so this was a little bit of a return to the darkside for me and a chance to see what I been missing. Anyway the rumble starts off with a token cruiserweight match featuring 6 guys that Vince McMahon doesn't know who are. Gregory Helms, who since got rid of the hurricane gimmick and green hair and now looks like Barry Horowitz, wins the match. Which means welcome to Velocity Gregory Helms

Next was some mandatory t and a. Some girl with big boobs beat another girl with big boobs... I was thoroughly entertained.

The next match featured JBL versus the Boogey Man. The boogey man is what happens when you cross Papa Shango with Kamala and Alton from the Gauntlet. This motherfucker is a creepy bastard who eats worms and gyrates. Yes he gyrates, and the eat worms. Its like watching disco stu eat a bucket of chinese noodles that was provided to him by Keifer Sutherland and the lost boys who use their vampire powers to make the noodles seems like worms to the common non vampire eye.

As B2 mentioned its never a good sign when they have a huge designs for the entrance of the wrestlers, and for once his near senile ass was right. We have officially returned to the dark ages of 1995 and I am just waiting for the return of spark plug bob holly and tatanka....err wait a minute.

Now on to the royal rumble which begins with the spirit squad. The spirit squad are like the snl will ferrel cheerleading skitsbut with 6 nancyboy frat dudes who make everyone awkward doinfg a rumble cheer for 5 minutes before the match began leaving everyone watching significantly uncomfortable and or bored.

The first two in are New Hampshire's hometown boy Triple H and Rey Mysterio, who came out in a low rider bumping masta ace's born to roll, dedicating his match to the late, great eddie guerro. Anyway a lot of shit happens but I will give you a special edition called rhetorical questions and things I should not say from contestants 3-30.

Tatanka at number fifteen? Whats next Koko b. Ware and Tony Atlas? Fucking tatanka, he looked like wha whoo mcdanial without the beer belly, which makes me think Tatanka ain't a real injun. I am saying a real redskin would have a beer belly by his age, dudes pushing 40 something and when you ain't having to skalp anyone for a living, what else do you have to but be drunk?

Hi am Sean Micheals, and I am a member of the dudes that think they look think they like David lee roth in 1984. He looks micheal bolton and every match I suspect to see him crooning a love song to vince mcmahon.

Why hasn't anyone pointed out that kane without his mask looks baron von ruskithce?

Ok a 400 pound blackmen named viscera comes out dressed in purple pjs, looking like oprah in drag at a slumber party. Already why I like this wrestling shit is getting hard enough to explain, then when he ass humps his competitor in the middle of the ring, saying why I love rasslin' is made damn near impossible. Picture this a 400 pound black man threw down his opponent, then proceeded to mount him, and then proceeded to dry hump him as if he was doing the worm on his backside. UMMMMM.... I am about to black out that image, ummm back to the rumble.

Then Goldust, dusty rhodes, yes the "american dream" son, comes back (side note does modern day ric flair look sorta of like a skinny dusty rhodes.. complete with the man boobies) And surprisingly everything goldust does is much less gay and suspect than viscera. I am saying I am still disturbed from the humping....ummm can somebody tell me who the ad wizards that came up with that one? (thank you snl for when you were still funny and larry david too, and yes fuck you jerry.)

Next why does Orlando Jones have conked hair? He looks like a cross between a well groomed don king and buckwheat.

Now back to the end: its the final three rey, HHH, and Randy orton, the career killer. Ny now I am thinking HHH will win, I mean he is the modern day ric flair, it would make sense, but then rey does the impossible and throws him out of the ring. Now its just randy orton and rey, well guess what Rey does the impossible and eliminates him and wins the royal fucking rumble. I was shocked, but fucking happy as hell, it was a perfect ending. Fuck the haters because that shit was poetic, the smallest wrestler in the wwe overcame every odd, and the number 2 entry to boot, to win the royal rumble for his best friend.

Well that should have been end of ppv, but the wwe dumb as usual decides to show their two lackluster heavyweight title matches afterwards.

Anyway esoteric's best friend, and rapper who is better than him, John Cena, comes out and beats Edge and his dirty whore gf Lita. Next is Kurt Angle versus the dude who once fucked 80 year old diva Mae West. Anyway angle embarrasses this chump as most of the crowd leaves before the match is done, and I am sure they all wanted to beat traffic and definitely wasn't because of the lame match. IWho wouldn't want to watch a perpetual underachiever like Henry get destroyed by Kurt Angle?

Overall the Rumble wasn't bad, I mean I didn't pay for shit and it was free (thank you brother in law), and I was entertained. But I am saying a lot of things were so suspect that it made Camron decked out in pink look hard. Please never allow a 500 pound black man to hump anything, its never a good look. Overall I give this royal rumble a 7.5 and thats strictly for the rey jr performance he was a 10 for a ppv that overall might night have been much better than a 5 without him.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Keep Dancing P...You Keep Dancing

The greatest moment in television history is looming. Its gonna feature mild mannered Percy Miller, semi-pro ball player and amatuer ball room dancer, meeting his destiny.
Master P your the best!
The montage begins as the Karate kid theme music "Your the Best...Your the best...Nothing is gonna get you down..." blasts in the background as a ballroom dancing studio opens up. P. Miller is in the middle messing up steps...we skip to the scene where the judge tells him to wear ballroom dancing shoes and a sobbing miller is found backstage saying I just want to dance...just dance. Next scene is master p dancing in Russia over snow peaks while he is carrying bricks on his back and dancing... just dancing. Soon we see him defeating his Russian nemesis in a dance off and we know he is now ready to conquer his destiny as the second champion on Dancing with the Stars! Now were back to present and guess what destiny is looming and Master P will overcome all his adversity to finally fulfill his destiny as a dancing champion. It will be beautiful I will shed a tear, doves will cry, prince will nail a jump shot, and Ronald McDonald will sodomize the hamburgelar, it will be the greatest day in American History and this why Master P is the second winner of the weekly Barry Horowitz Pat on the Back Appreciation award. America thanks you percy miller, your courage is needed in these trying times.

In honor of Percy Miller we have two master P tracks one is a remix from zilla (he did the warp mix cd with buddy peace that came with the dvd , which you should have bought just for the cd cause its just that damn good) and bout it bout, cause p miller is bout it bout when it comes to dancing. I am saying Kevin Bacon ain't shit compared to P Miller.

Master P - I need dubs (zilla remix)

master p - bout it bout it

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Star Child here to bring you the good times on the mothership

In the next week Drunk and Focused will be going overboard dumb crazy for this party coming up featuring the return of the Original Mothership Connection the 31st live in effect at the Tuesday Scissor Test in Portsmouth. And for you late comers this was the first and only radio show dedicated to hip hop in new hampshire back in the early 90's. The show was started by the latest member of the drunk and focused posse b2, who I coerced out of retirement to play out one last time.(I am saying I taunted him with constant chants of you fell off! you fell off! you fell off! etc until he finally had to prove he still got, think Rocky 4) I am saying that fool will be in effect and word on the street some suprise guests are in the works. Also I been putting in some work for a mix for y'all that will bring the mothership connection into 2006 with b-more club, electro, failo funk, that houston and hyphy shit, and of course some of that rap and wierd shit for the kids. Keeping with the wrestling theme this is Bret Hart versus Stone Cold Steve Austin. Sure everyoned loved bret hart and nobody would ever doubt his skills or talent, but a little thing happend in the late 90's he fell off, just like most of my favorite rappers. And this upstart who drank beer and was the craziest son of a bitch this side of 0-dog challenged his reign on the top.

Although austin was supposed to be the bad guy, the fans cheered for him and booed the old school legend Bret hart. Well they finally had a ridicosouly good match at wrestlemania which bret hart did win. However after that everyone knew Austin was going to be the new king and sure enough bret hart did leave soon after the montreal screw job, and a year or so later Steve Austin is the biggest wrestler of all time. So I am saying come out tuesday and pay your last respects to B2, cause I am taking over the throne homey.

Now onto some mp3s for the kids. First things first here is the inspiration for the mothership connection
parliament-funkadelic -mothership connection

Next hardcore Mothership Connection fans might remember the show which featured the first radio apperance of an 11 year old little brother who would turn out to be the crack known as beat pervert. This show did it really big because it was the first apperance of me on the scene and it sparked an entire easy coast-west coast rivarly (arguably) when I uttered the famous words in 1993 that the West Coast Was Wack. (If I can find the old tape I will post up the entire show). I am saying I was young, PMD had just done a horrible trackin the g funk steez, and unlike today, NYC shit was still on point. Anyway here is dr. dre 's Let Me Ride which even the laziest of beat diggin nerds should recgonize.
dr Dre - Let Me Ride

And lastly we had to have a diss track cause b2's reign on the top was short like leprachauns. Anyway here is Eazy E whose who was living proof you should be never fuck with out a condom.
Eazy E - Real Motherfuckin G's

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Ron Artest would be the sane one in the Gauntlet

The big news on the gauntlet was the supposed alliance between playboy's finest cara and the wholesome whore suzi with some of the veteran dudes to throw missions. Basically it boils down to cara and suzi are fucking some of the veterans and in between dicks in the mouth the dudes convinced them to form an alliance. Well they tried to get jillian into the alliance, but they done picked the wrong cunt, cause jillian went straight to kina with the news of what was going down. Anyway the mission for this week was a test of strength which was to first push a big wooden ball to one side of a field, then have two team members push a truck with the rest of the team to the other side, then have the whole team put a shit load of cement blocks into said truck and then push it back to the other side. The mission starts and the veterans wooden ball breaks and they fall behind. The rookies take the lead but the veterans are able to catch up when they start putting the cement blocks into the trucks before the last leg of the mission. It's a dead heat and none of the two man teams are able to move the trucks with cement (side not I am saying who designed this fucking mission? Two people to push so much weight ain't a good look) MTV realizing that none of the teams are going anywhere decided to add two additional people, and surprisingly both cara and suzy suddenly want to step up to help the team, hmmm for all the missions prior both these girls stuck to the background like no one's business, but suddenly they all for "helping" the team? The rookies dismiss their wants and end up winning the race when the veterans can't push their car an inch, and blame the driver ace for keeping it in neutral and not putting it in clutch (side note ummm I am so dumb when it comes to cars but I am pretty sure neutral will allow it to roll if the people pushing it were not pussies.) Anyway the gauntlet comes up and ace volunteers himself saying he fucked up. The gauntlet was beach brawl which is basically a wrestling match. Since derrick is 5'2, Ace was not able to get underneath him and loses the gauntlet and is eliminated. The show ends with the rookies calling out Suzy and Cara for making an alliance and them trying their hardest to act like they have no idea what's going on while lying through their teeth.

Monday, January 23, 2006

me and nas holding hands down memory lane

I want to talk you back to a young and innocent time in the life of B2 the Baptist. It was the mid-70's...Bruno Samartino was the WWF champion, Jake Plummer was growing up in the backwoods of Idaho, and the Pittsburgh Steelers were dominating the NFL winning four Super bowls during that decade. As a child I loved the Steelers and I even had the pajamas to prove it. Now, picture that cute-as-pie image of little B2 running around the house in mustard yellow feetie pajamas. I know, I know, priceless. Needless to say I was feeling rather nostalgic as I watched Sunday's AFC title game. I think Beat Pervert already addressed that topic of how the Bronco's collapsed so we can move on to another area of nostalgia.
Coming up on the last day of the month we will have the return of the Mothership Connection making a live appearance at the Red Door in Portsmouth. B2 the Baptist will bring back many of the beloved hip hop tracks of the early '90s along with a few surprises. Rumor has it that my original sidekick KC will make an appearance. The Mothership Connection still airs every Wed night on WUNH 91.3, but we all know who made it famous.
Hey Beat Pervert, are you sure it wasn't Del the funke homosapian who taught you about growing your hair? And stop stealing your ideas from the Sports Guy or I'll get Isiah on your ass.
B2 the Baptist

On to the next ex

Allright I gotta say Jake Plummer you just punched me straight in the stomach. Man I haven't seen someone go out this soft since Shawn Micheals threw Marty Jannety through a window at Brutus the Barber beefcake's barbershop and marty jannety proceeded to fall off the face of the planet while the heartbreak kid become one of the biggest wrestlers of all time. I am saying Big ben just made you his bitch and his beard isn't in the same league as yours. I used to have a fail safe logic that redman taught me when he said the bigger the hair the easier to scare a foe, and guess what I thought this rule was never going to be broken.

Think about it as soon as method man and redman shaved off their afros their music on the whole got progressively worse. Hell I can pin point when the wu finally started to show cracks in their armor. It was a live performance for the AIDS (American is dying slowly comp) show when I was in 8th grade. First rza was reading his lyrics straight off the paper he just had wrote them on, and then to make matters worse meth took off his ball cap to reveal a bald head, I am saying the wu or meth never recovered from that, and its like their careers had aids cause they started to slowly suck (and that pains me to say because I grew up idolizing them fools). I am saying did you hear the latest method man albulm, oh no you didn't? Well me either, and yes that's exactly my point. (But I am saying I love meth on the Wire, I am saying thats my dog man, my dog)

Jake Plummer turned out to be the girl you thought you would be able to get over your first love with. You see if your a broncos fan you will always be obsessed with John Elway, he was the ultimate qb because you knew no matter what the situation was you would feel safe with Elway at the helm (sorta of like the modern day tom brady). Anyway Elway was the stone cold steve austin, it took him awhile, (I am saying when I was 8, I was balling my eyes out when the broncos got run in yet another super bowl and I might have even cursed the elway name) But fuck it like Austin, Elway kept to the grind until he finally found paydirt with two straight super bowls (not to mention a million car franchises) and immortality. I am saying Elway 3:16 is still gospel to any broncos fan. Now here is the problem with plummer you want to like the dude regardless of the obvious warning signs. He is the girl that you would have an unreal one night stand with; I am saying one night with plummer and your seemingly hooked. But then reality comes in that this unreal hookup is a girl thats fucking insane and can't be trusted. And although she is twenty times better than your previous ex, Brian griese, you still have watched VHI behind the music to realize that the end of the relationship ends with this girl burning your house down lisa left eye lopez steez. Jake Plummer is this girl and no matter what, him and the broncos ain't heading for a happy ending as long as he as he is running the team. I am saying one good night does not equal a lifetime of bliss, and if you want proof of this just ask the sprinter peyton manning, who in the first two minutes of the game is the best in the world, but over the long haul can't come through in the clutch, think heather graham in any movie her role is not to get naked in. I am saying name one good heather graham movie she did not get naked in (and no swingers doesn't count because her having nice titties was the only reason she was in the movie, she had had what 10 lines at most?)

Anyway here is some mp3s for the moments you realize your on to the next ex because at first your calm:
people under the stairs - san francisco knights

then you realize why you got to dump here:
chromeo - Needy Girl (paperfaces remix)

next you realize you have to because you are feeling suffocated:
blur - out of time

Lastly you realize soon enough you''ll be tellling another girl you love her like this sap:
atmosphere - don't ever fucking question that

Friday, January 20, 2006

To be the man, whoooo, you got to beat the man the remix

Since cam and jay ain't the only feud going on we are gonna present part 2 of to be the man, whoooooo, you got to beat the man. The next feud is Bill Simmons, the sports guy, versus Isiah Thomas (you know tuss, idolized by one of them dudes in hoop dreams, unreall baller, suspect gm). The Sports Guy would be the Genius lanny Poffo, macho man's brother and the best jobber this side of Barry Horowitz (and yes you can pat yourself on the back now). Isiah Thomas would be the Ultimate warrior in 2006. You see the ultimate warrior used to be the man, hell he even beat Hulk Hogan, but now a days he is a fucking absolute lunatic, think pat buchanan on steriods. His modern day actions make no fucking sense which is a statement which can also be said for modern day isiah.

Anyway before the match The Genius used to read poetry to his opponents to show he truly was the world's smartest man, and then he would proceed to get pummelled. Well simmons would use his columns to his advantage by reading them before the match which would so enrage Tuss so much by pointing out every failure of his post nba career; including announcing, the pacers, cba, etc,that in old school warrior fashion tuss would become so enraged he would begin violenty shaking the ring ropes untill he finally wore himself with exhaustion and collapsed on his back in the middle of the ring where the sports guy will slide over for the pin and the 1 2 3.

In honor of jobbers worldwide: what up Barry Horowitz! Whats really hood mike sharpe! Queens keeps on fakin' it Brooklyn Brawler! Ohh we didn't forget you Red Rooster bird call mayne, bird call! Ohh I can't forget picking boogers with Bastion bOoger! Ahh man you'se genious for taking that beatdown Lanny Poffo! And yes the Job squad is down with us, making there opponent look good is a must, yeah their number 2!

So honor of those dudes that always seemed to catch a bad one here are some mp3s that should get the job done for you this weekend

bloc party - so here we are (four tet remix)

daedelus- a mashnote

buck 65 - centuar

clouddead - teen keen skip

Also here is a brand new remix from dealate Corvus of his track behomoth and its fucking gary busey out of this world, like skitzophrenic martians or some shit. Anyway keep an eye out for him cause he is really that dude, and he does all his shit live with no ova dubs or computers suckers. Dealate Corvus is also the first official of our now weekly Barry Horowitz pat on the back award winner. Every week the drunk and focused posse will elect one person to get the official barry horowitz pat on the back, the highest honor this side of inviting me over to a party and having me puke in your bathroom. Anwyay enjoy the track and remember there is nothing wrong with doing the job, just ask Iron Mike Sharpe.

bohemoth (666 remix)

Thursday, January 19, 2006

To be the man, whoooo, you got to beat the man

Allright fuck this jay and cam rap shit what they need to do is hook up with Vince McMahon and do this shit wwf steez. Hell it makes sense first things Jay Z would be the equivalent of ric flair in 1990 after his battles with ricky the dragon steamboat were over. Nas would be the ideal Ricky the dragon steamboat, both immense talents that never went to the level we always expected them too and then they both had awkward gimmicks that failed to blow them up i.e Nas with this Escobar and nastrodamus shit, and steamboat when he went to the wwf and started dressing like a dragon and spitting hot fire (literally). Also I am pretty sure the nature boy would rock sandals with jeans cause he was, whooooooo, space mountain. Camron would be Ricky Morton, yes Ricky morton of the rock n roll express. Now you need to realize the rock n roll express were huge as a tag team. They were the dipset of the 80's wrestling scene. I am saying they dressed fresh(thats fresh to those dudes into listening to def leopard at dive bars in new Jersey), they had their own unique style( Bandana's galore and the best feathered mullets in the game), they also had hair so teased that most girls fucked them just on principle that they put that much work into their locks, and without them, shawn micheals wouldn't exist because the rockers just bit their whole style from the rock n roll express. Kinda like jay z with biggie. But anyway everyone knew morton could go solo and have a hell of a match with Flair, but no one in the right mind thought he could beat him. You see Flair was the dirtiest player in the game and arguably the king of the wrestling business. Which would makes 50 Cent Hulk Hogan. Which is eerie when you think about the similarities: they are the most popular dudes in the business, they both made shitty movies, they both have more charisma than technical skill, they both get off going to the gym, and I am sure there is a 50 cent cartoon in the works like the old wwf one from like 87 or some shit. (side note anyone know where I can find those old cartoons?) I mean 50 got his fame from destroying Ja Rule's career and Hogan got over by defeating a just as evil force, the Iron Sheik. I think 50 is kinda boring and overrated for the most part, just like Hogan, but hell I thank him everyday that I no longer have to hear ja rule croon on the radio, and I am definatley waiting for 50 cent in Mr. Nanny 2.

Anyway Flair disrespected Morton and slapped him right across the face as the rest of the horsemen just laughed, Memphis Bleak would be the enforcer Arn Anderson of the four horsemen clique, freeway would be Tully blanchard, and beanie siegel would be ole anderson.(Dame Dash would have played the role of JJ Dillon ) So Morton challenged him and they feuded. It all came to a head for the two in 1986 at The Great American Bash, which at the time was one of the five largest live gates in North American history. Anyway long feud short Flair defeats ricky morton and sends him back to life as a member of the rock n roll express. A few years down the road ricky morton is working the indy circuit (think releasing albulms on Koch records) and today in 2006 Ric Flair is the wwf intercontinental champion. I am saying Camron back off now cause you know how this story is gonna end. Hell after all this camron might go the way of Adrian Adonis....umm no homo?

So if I was the Vince McMahon of rap this is how I would book this feud. First things jay response to cam will be kinda ehh, have it done at the end of Memphis bleak track and be nothing that earth shattering, something along the lines of how wack camron's confessions of fire albulm was, play horse and carriages, then nuff said. This would be like in wrestling when two dudes that obviously hate each other get into an impromptu brawl backstage and setting the stage that they really hate one another. The next would be a diss record by Juelz on jay z featuring shit talking from dame dash and camron. Now this is when it would get interesting. When camron is shit talking and celebrating dethroning jay z, dame dash would take out a coconut, straight piper pit style, and break it over cam's head. Then Juelz would tag roc a fella on the knocked out body of Camron, NWO style, and stand over him with the diamond symbol as Jay Z walks down to the ring and jay, juelz. and dame throw up the roc symbol, as Jim Ross Shouts No! No! No! This tremendous slobberknocker can't end like this! Camron is knocked out and the roc is back! YES by god the ROC is back!