Thursday, August 31, 2006

brand new podcast

My other podcast kinda of died, I done used up all my space, but don't fret I am back with a new and improved podcast and threee mixes, including a brand fucking new one thats BALLER.
the most baller podcast ever
grrrls out of hell - bloody guitars
acid mothers temple - phantom fireball
eat cloud - stop playing cs
daedelus - axe murderation (8 frozen modules remix)
zilla - aragami style
project pat - baller/Piano Overlord - Diplo's electric Manatee (beat pervert and evaredy smashing t-rex eggs for breakfast bootleg blend)
Hnatiw - a
justin timberlake ft. TI- My love
Broadcast - where youth and laughter go
Aphex twin - Next Heap With
123 Teeth - soapflute

Also as an added bonus three project pat songs cause you need this in your life
this ain't a game

riding on chrome

that drank

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

white gurls

Ahhh good ol' fashioned black Michael, you were a man amongst men, then you became a cracker and absolutely sucked and got woody Allen weird. But regardless of that you made thriller, and I sure do miss those days because you solved dj's problems worldwide of what to drop when in doubt when trying to get a white girl crowd to dance, and I am not talking hipster white girls, I am talking white girl who wants adina howard's freak song dropped thirteen years after Tony starks put that ass to sleep.

Sorry for the delay in posts but the drunk and focused posse went on an epic bender to celebrate black Michaels birthday yesterday. Michael was reportedly to have celebrated day by chasing unicorns only to ask them if they would sign his picture of Pedro Martinez throwing Don Zimmer to the ground. Needless to say the unicorns were not amused.

e-40 ft. juelz santana and ugk - white girl (g-rizzle remix)
Anyway for the white girls we have some of that drunk and focused teen beat shit with the gauntlet recap. Derrick must love e-40 cause he proved to be the dumbest motherfucker in the game. His first dumb move started when they had won a couple of missions in a row and voted theo and chanda into the gauntlet, even though he had an alliance with theo and that was his homie. This resulted in theo and chanda getting beat in the gauntlet by darrel and aviv. Then on the next mission they get voted into the gauntlet by big assed tina and kenny, which prompted diem to blow up and have a huge hissy fit saying Tina backstabbed them and all this bullshit and yadda yadda I have a cancer. They went against darrel and aviv in the gauntlet who only had 140 pounds of luggage to carry compared to the 240 for d and d (thats derrick and diem's tag team name.) Anyway Derrick thinks the bags are too heavy and says fuck it and leaves them. Dude was hoping that one of the puzzles would be to dropp your bags, but damn for that to work wouldn't you have to have bags to drop in the first place? Anyway the first puzzle is that they can drop one bag. They of course forget the flag and then get stuck on the second puzzle as darrel and aviv cross the finish line. This meltdown was epic and derrick is in pretty much tears lamenting the fact that he has become the karl malone of the gauntlet, and not to mention he blew it for a girl who needed the money for her hospital bills. And how the fuck did wes and casey make it this far? And what ever happened to that rumor that dude got fucked up by a kangaroo? That should be a ppv special, wes wrestles a kangaroo and at the end when he is going to pin the kangaroo casey hits him the head with a chair, and turns on him for all the verbal abuse over the missions. It would be like miss elizabeth and randy savage all over again, with a returning Alton taking over the Hulk Hogan role.

Friday, August 18, 2006

The return of Lemon Red

Ahh the homie varick thought putting up some of them thinking words was gonna sally up drunk and focused, but fuck that dude's words are good and plus I already sallyed this place up nice, teenage melodram what! I am saying the posse is almost back in full effect with en p returning in a couple weeks. I think he is currently camped outside master p's mansion's lawn and keeps knocking on his door every morning to challenge him to a game of one on one basketball. Supposedly lil romeo gives him table scraps so he ain't hungry. B2 the baptist is well I think he is on a mission in Africa trying to convert the heathens or some shit, then he is coming back to put the rest of the posse into rehab, gawd bless his heart.

Anyway with that bidness out the way we got some news on us doing it really big like manute bol on pogo sticks. Anyway we got the return of our good homie Lemon Red satuday September 16th at the red door. For those who don't remember lemon red was my dj podna last summer during the first months of scissor test. Anyway dude is doing big thangs for diplo's mad decent label and turntable lab in NY right now so y'all best better come out and support. Plus its a saturday no more weekday bitch ass excuses for why you didn't come out. More info will be coming soon but be on the lookout for some surprises. Plus this marks the return of Funwrecker and his white gloves. Also new mad decent podcast is up this time dealing with all thangs french and uffie talking about banging, which I like and ain't mad at all. I am all for cute girls talking about fucking these days.
maddecent radio

As for tracks we got some of that new zilla drum and bass shit thats dope, dude keeps on killing it
zilla - argami style

Thursday, August 17, 2006

the man. (at beat pervert's request)

the man, the tender.
he'll be on his break, smoking as many menthols as he can before 10—
before ten, the 10A rolls loud afterhours;
the man, the tender pays attention to the Sound
watching the train tracks, watching for the highway for the figure
the figure, I cross at a lean
at a lean and he knows it's me and he burns the tobacco down low
and says
"Hey, izzat you?"
and I wave and say "Hey man,"
the man, the tender,
he says "I'll have one waiting for you."
and he goes back inside but I don't want to drink—
I'm just glad to be back in town with one bag on my back and I'm straining to walk across the highway but the flourescent flashes at me and the sign keeps on and I see the colors and the familiar front door and all that's left is the tender and his "HEY"
So, the man, the tender pours me a drink before I'm through the door
and says "Welcome back."
and it ain't been five minutes.
The man.
Gonna be a good night.

the mean cunt posse

Ahh the beauty of laguna beach its as if they took degrass high and moved it out of canada and replaced all the ugly people. And let us not forget how fucking ugly snake and wheels were, they took ugly to a craig mack level. And didn't wheels go to jail for drunk driving anyway in the degrassi movie or series finale? Or did he crash his car drunk and get paralyzed making his name come full cirlce? I am going to be thinking about this all day now.

In honor of the 2006 version of degrassi high drunk and focused presents its guide to laguna beach cause we got the teenybobber market on lock. I should be doing my first Tiger Beat cover any month now. I am going be bigger than kirk cameron soon with the kids, cause always remember beatpervert luh da kids

This season seems to be resolving around Tessa. Tessa does not seem as dumb as the rest but thats not really saying much. I figured the show would revolve around Breeana but it turns out beeana is dumber than LC and kinda on the degrassi and not the 90210 side of the looks. Anyway she is having drama with Rocky, who is tessa's bestfriend these days and not in with the "popular" mean girl clique. During the first episode we saw this in full force when tessa was invited by kyndra to a bbq at her house. Tessa brought rocky which pissed off the clique who just laid on a couch outside or hammock or some rich person shit you lay on, and acted like cunts to tessa and rocky till they left. Ahh the beauty of teenage melodrama. Anyway the mean cunt posse (thats my name for them y'all can use that if you want) is led by Kyndra, the Kelly from 90210 of her posse. She is also quote un quote the most popular girl in school cause she is the richest and most likely cause she has the best party house (and probaly gives the best blow jobs). The muscle of the posse, that being the biggest cunt, is Cami. Cami looks like a girl who likes to slap people and make girls cry. She is cartman in the form of a stupid spoiled whore. Lexie is the Donna Martin of the posse and I can't wait for season 4 and the let Lexie graduate episode. As for the dudes we got cameron, no killa but maybe not no homo?, who looks like a cross between tom brady and the masseuse who wanted to fuck drama.
"No that's when I did my three episode arc on 90210, sexually harassing Tori Spelling. "

He has the eye of Kyndra who wants to fuck him and some girl from back in the first two seasons of laguna beach, Kelly or some shit. Its the broad that used to date jason, the dark haired one. Anyway girl is getting played by a junior in high school which is some funny shit on so many levels. This shit will turn into some nice drama soon enough. The other two dudes are in a shitty band which they take too seriously and will probaly be overly pretentious about the whole time. Yep just think they talk about their band the way a pitchfork writer writes a review, and yes that review was metaphysical son! Also of note I can't wait for their shitty video to be played once on mtv after their show ends and then to never be seen again. I am saying reality bands don't get noticed when the show is off the air, ask puff daddy about this, or better yet ask dylan when he is not spitting hot fire.

This season should be some melrose place esque drama, I am talking straight up like when that red head blew up the place and took off her wig to reveal a huge fucking scar cause stupid spolied whores don't play, and this done show is chock full of them. Fuck the gauntlet I am riding with laguna from now on.

And for all the 14 year old girls who send me and that Dude justin love letters ( I am saying dude justin is huge with the kids, HUGE, also be on the lookout for his next posting because its a good old fashioned drunk rock n roll rant and a side note in a side note varick is huge with the suicide girls so go figure and guesse what the Eagles fucking suck, and is that donovan mcnabb puking in the corner?) is some of that justin timberlake remixed and shit
sexy back (dj oz parte traseira sexy remix)

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Do the wu tang

Philly is killing it right now, well music wise at least, cause the phillies and eagles both fucking suck, I am saying boston teams have won about 20 titles since the last philly team won one, then again the boston club scene is wack as fuck unless certified is playing or diplo rolls through town and everyone comes out of the woodwork to dance, otherwise its just a lot of shitty hip hop that says it keeps it real straight 97, das efx real hip hop stand up, and shitty house djs. All shitty house/techno djs are put on blast. We ain't in Ibiza so stop playing such bitch ass music. And that goes double for all you motherfuckers at the red door I'll pull your card to. Djs in this area need to stand the fuck up and stop playing soft shit, nobody wants to hear you imiatate thievery corp anymore, fuck I don't want to hear theivery corp ever again in my life. That shit is so soft its the smirnoff ice of dance music, meaning only bitches enjoy that shit. Anyway off the rant back to the music new shit from trilladelphia (low budget and dirty south joe) called do the wu tang featuring freak nasty and omega
do the wu tang

Friday, August 11, 2006

new article

My latest column for the wire is out and mentions a few bands featured on the new mix
they shot the old man

In a region dominated by old hippies playing jam band music that two hits of acid can’t even make sound good and college funk bands whose music sounds straight out of a “Degrassi High” battle of the bands episode, a new sound has developed. It’s a burgeoning noise/stoner metal/weird electronic shit movement.

It’s not sandal rock, or music to seduce the incoming freshmen girls at UNH decked out in Abercrombie and Fitch. Instead, this is music to listen to while drinking a bottle or two of Mad Dog 20/20, while shouting obscenities at the well-dressed folk that inhabit the sidewalks of Portsmouth, and screaming at God you will kill him before a man.

One of the newest bands to hit this scene is “One Two Three Teeth,” a band whose sound can be described as the combination of hanging out in Snoop Dogg’s tour bus all night with with what he would refer to as a “big bag of sticky icky, ohh whee( and yes I also have no idea what the fuck hohwhah or whatever they printed means either) ” while a continuous loop of Slayer plays in the background. If VH1 were going to make a supergroup out of this scene, this is the band they would pick. The members are a smörgåsbord of the “who’s who” of the scene, bringing in members from Birth Rites, Grrrrls out of Hell and the Antithesisters.

What they’ve created is a sound so thick that it will engulf you as if you were getting an old fashioned three-way bear hug from a grizzly bear and Stephen Colbert, as King Kong Bundy sits on the sidelines yelling encouragement and proper bear hugging techniques.

How did they get here? The myth goes that the Beach Boys had an orgy with the Misfits, who at the same time were gangbanging the Smiths, and the end result of this love fest was a band to be known to the world as the Grrrrls Out of Hell. The myth continues that in a motel room across town there was another free love explosion between Sonic Youth and Can while a weird German porno on the TV played in the background, a porno that involved clowns, the first reported case of DVDA, a four-minute tribute to Dirk Nowitzki sung by David Hasselhoff, and still frames of Carlton from the Fresh Prince dancing. Nine months later, the noise beast known worldwide as the Antithesisters was born.

If, after thinking about that, you’re looking for music to smoke a cigarette to, don’t worry cause the Seacoast has got you covered with one of them dudes from the Bif Rike S&M movement named T.B.D. T.B.D.’s music is a blend of laptop electronics, an alto saxophone, keyboards, found recordings and children’s toys. It’s the soundtrack to use when looking at the world through the eyes of a 5-year-old lost in the orgasms of color of an exploding nuclear bomb.

If the apocalypse does happen, don’t say the Advanced Apes did not warn you. This duo, comprised of Bookshop and Apauld the Absurd, make hip-hop music for guerrillas strapped with AK-47s and grenades with broken pins in their mouth. Advanced Apes is a musical massacre that sounds as if Autecher and Big L combined together to make music out of the remnants of nuclear fallout.

The day the Seacoast is destroyed by radiation, a small clock radio will play a constant soundtrack—a continuous loop of aggression and hatred mixed with melody and beauty. It will be the ugliest sound known to man, yet somehow soothing. It will be the music of a lost children’s crusade and it will be be provided by a band who lost its mind in the “Live Free Or Die” state, only to find and lose it again in the pure beauty that is the absolute nature of nuclear war. It will be the perfection that can only arise out of total destruction.

the true breakfast of champions

you ain't drunk bitch
8 Ball & MJG ft. Project Pat - Relax and Take Notes
Faust - Untitled II
Mean Joe Green ft. Juvenille - Down Bottom
Brian Eno - 1/2
Can - Oh Yeah
Eat Cloud - Bow'd Brain
United States of America - cloud song
raymond scott - the toy trumpet
trilladelphians - guranteed to go down
aphex twin - heliospan
neu! - sonderangebot
birds - fireburner
dj shadow ft. federation and animaniaks - turf dancing
johnny blaze - black sheep
boom bip - the use of unacceptable colors in nature
trae ft 3 6 mafia, jayton, lil boss, & paul wall - cadillac
boredoms - 2 circles
antithesisters - eddie winslow (remix)
grrrls out of hell - sir francis drake
johnny cash - if you could read my mind

Allright first things first this done here mix was done out of an article serg from beer and rap posted on ohh word about beer drinking, ohh word beer
"I like beer because drinking beer shows dedication and perseverance. Drinking liquor is for bitch ass motherfuckers who can’t commit to drunkness. Doing shots is cute but I’m in this game for the long run. I’m not going to cheat myself by throwing back shots with mall pussy because I know that there is no better sense of accomplishment than waking up on your living room floor with your face a little crusty surrounded by a mountain of empty beer cans that you just destroyed the fuck out of."

Now this is where my and sergio differ. First things first what kind of man takes shots? Us real sippers drink straight from the bottle with no bullshit ice, chaser, or mix for our liquor. Fuck when I drink cheap canadian whiskey, I drink cheap canadian whiskey raw. Shout out to Bret hart.

To me liquor is like fucking without a condom, it just feels right even if you know the consequences and yes just like big baby jesus, ohhh baby I like it raw.

And my homie varick agrees cause when we get our drink on with liquor its straight from the bottle cause we ain't bitches. We gotta realize serg is champ beer drinker but homie is soft when it comes to the hard shit.

Side note drinking whiskey raw also leads to whiskey dick, ie a hard dick that never wants to cum no matter how hot the broad your banging is, this is also known as one of the bad thangs about dranking hard booze.

Anyway serg was on point with most of his assertions about beer drinking and his Coors point cannot be fucked with. But the high life shit is where I question dude. First things first miller light takes like the piss you take after drinking a bunch of miller high lifes, and whose ever choice of beer that is should be shot. That shit is almost as bad as coors light, actually I rather drink cooors than that shit. But the high life is the champ cheap beer. If you want to get drunk off a lot of cheap beer drink that shit, that is unless your a bitch ass motherfucking pussy, then drink michelob or some shit.

Anway here is the drunk and focused guide to hard booze. First things first champs drink whiskey straight. If you order any of those high class scotch or whiskey dranks you best do it straight up or with ice cubes. If you mix the shit you are pussy. Guesse what whiskey is supposed to make you pucker and say goddamn and curse and yell like samuel motherfucking jackson. If you are a pussy drinker go back to smirnoff ices or anything serg is drinking at the time. Hard booze are the marathon of drinking cause to drink them everyday takes a certain type of work ethic, beer drinking is like running the mile where you get drunk quick and then go on coast from there, but hard booze is a marathon where you work your way up to buzz to the point you foget you are running up hills and shit for 26 miles In general if you are worried about the eventual hang over get the fuck out know cause your too much of a sally for this shit.

Vodka is good for when you want to bang a broad. Vodka equals girls panties coming down. I am not sure who invented this rule, maybe too short, but its true. Give a cute broad some vodka and get a camera ready cause this is exactly how girls gone wild was formed. Bitches do stupid shit while drunk on vodka, hell people do stupid shit on vodka, and yes I am looking at your Russia.

Next booze is southern comfort, Ihave never drank souther comfort without blacking out hence I have no idea what southern comfort does other than let me hear second hand a good story out me from the night before that I didn't know I had partaken in.

Tequilla means I am probably gonna fight a dude or two, probaly piss on a girl, and get arrested. Nothing good ever comes from tequilla.

The rest of the hard shit, well fuck it it gets you drunk.

Thus the drunk and focus tthesis is who gives a fuck as long as it gets you drunk. Also this hurr mix was mixed with the guidance of cheap whiskey and maddog 2020, the true breakfast of champions.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The dog days of August

No updates in awhile because your boy beat pervert is away at 10 day grad school residency drinking whiskey cause I am saying MFA's are a beautiful thang. But the whiskey drinking was for research, and was mixed with maddog for a little mixtape project and response to our good beer drinking friend sergio from beer and rap. Now serg is that dude even if he always tells me he wants to fuck me in the ass to watch me cry, but I think its really cause I am that goddamn handsome. In fact I think I should start selling a lit a bit of my handsome in a bottle on ebay for all the ugly people in the world. But as usual in the meantime I got you covered first things first go to Beer and rap and order Hard As Fuck Vol. 2 mixed by dj B Cause. I have been bumping this shit in my ride (99 Dodge Caravan with stock speakers motherfucker, hand on the grey plastic wheel, with a horn that don't work for beeeping at the boppers on the side of the road) since the homie sent it out to me. Plus serg was gracious enough to put up vol.1 for all you sallies to dl as well. So hit that shit up and get the bitch out of your system.

Another mix y'all should be snatching up is my man from oversea's and the dude that gets the slags panties in a bunch, prime minister Buddy motherfucking Peace. He just did a new mix for that got my man Evaredy in a hizzy, dude was raving about it and done agree. Buddy peace is a mixtape messiah that needs to get over to the states soon with Zilla to bless us yanks with that proverbial hot shit.
buddy motherfucking peace

Also that mix I promised y'all a motherfucking week ago is finally finished. Its the official Tuesday Scissor Test soundtrack to a blackout mix and for all y'all that don't live in the live free or die state thats my weekly I run on tuesdays. Its a night of live music and this dude djing where I play everything from noise rock to r kelly, well I never played R Kelly that was just when Lemon Red djed with me last summer before dude got big time and moved out to NY to work for Mad Decent and turntablelab, side note big ups to Nels for that, dude is of the nicest folks in the world and has a grind game that is next level. If you want to catch up with him while his blog is on hiatus hit up the boston phoenix tour blog for a recap of the mad decent tour and jesus is riding with mad decent? Side note I have a serial crush on marina, y'all just keep that quiet though cause my girl would kill me.

Allright next update will be the promised new mix over an hour of kraut rock, noise rock, ambient shit, hard rap music that will punch you in the face, b-more club, and more and all mixed under the influence of whiskey, maddog, and a whole lotta weed like my mayne project pat would say.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

My balls hurt mayne they hurt

Allright Evan is playing up this hernia shit like a cross between Willis Reed and Kirk Gibson, I think he just asked barry horowitz for a pat on the back. Dude we get it your balls hurt.

The show starts off showing the three new fresh meat girls hanging out, well the three other than casey, talking about how they have to vote with their partners etc cause they new to the game, aka foreshadowing to the end of the episode where something pops off from this. Anyway wee man err tj lavin starts off the new mission with some bad news and tells coral and evan they to injured to compete and they are going home. Evan gets a little pissed but deep down is the happiest man alive cause his balls hurt a fucking lot and challenges ain't good for his junk. Grown up wee man tells the reminding five teams that the final will now be three and they will all be guranteed money, so basically get to the finals and you get paid bioootchhhh( I pay too short five dollars everytime I say that out of respect).

The mission was some ladder climbing shit into a boat that was suspended above water. Casesy and Wes go first and fail as usual. Big assed tina is next and uses her big ass to finish. Everyone else finishes except for darnell who falls off harder than mc Shan after he heard a song about the south bronx. As usual wes tries to make an alliance that fails miserably, this time with big assed tina. I am saying that ass is ruthless, never trust a big booty and a smile that girl is poison. Derrick and Diem win the mission and Derrick proving he is the dumbest player in the game puts Shane and Linette into the gauntlet which cause tears and tears from diem cause she is homies with linette. The smart move is to put casey and wes in and keep the alliance with them fresh meat broads, but lets remember derrick ain't one of them thinkers. Anyway linette is pissed at diem for backstabbing her and diem crys some more as the show ends.