Thursday, January 22, 2009

Dear Bonner: Jacking your Advice

Bonner Is back with some actual good advice. I am going to stop jacking advice one day but all I get now from emails from the drunk and focused faithful is fan letters on some groupie love shit( sorry gals, and that one dude named E something I am a married man) and of course people just commenting on how tough I am. Yes we all know Matt Bonner is a tough dude. If I was a video game I would be one of them bad dudes but a more extreme tougher version. But you the mail is flattering but it still makes a need for me to jack your shit Abby. So here I am with the biggest column on drunk and focused and the internet as a whole. Tim Duncan sent me a thank you note for this column. So with Tim on my mind and advice on my heart here we get to jacking.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl, and I'm pretty popular in my high school. I'm blessed to have several close friends, and we always have a great time together. My grades are good, and I get along well with my mom, dad and little brother. So what's the problem, you're probably wondering.

I had an argument with my girlfriend "Amber" recently. It was over a "guy issue." I won't go into details because we did end up working it out, but Amber said something during the blowup that has me worried. She said that sometimes my anger gets out of control and concerns her. Two other girls who were with us at the time agreed with her. That floored me.

Abby, this is the first time I've heard about this. I mean, Mom sometimes calls me "Tammy Temper" -- and has accused me of "throwing fits." But my friends never called me on it. In the fight with Amber, she said my fists were clenched and she was afraid I might hit her. (I didn't think so.)

I don't want to scare people. I value my friends. I look forward to going to college and making new friends and having new experiences. I don't want to have a reputation as a hothead. Can you help me? -- "TAMMY TEMPER" IN HARRISBURG, PA.

DEAR "TAMMY": Anger is a normal human emotion. Everyone experiences anger at one time or another. When primitive humans encountered a threat, they would react instinctively with either fear or anger, which gave them a jolt of adrenaline enabling them to fight or escape. It was a survival mechanism.

Infants show frustration by beating their heads against the side of their cribs, screaming or holding their breath until they turn red. Young children throw tantrums, yelling, kicking or hitting. But as we grow older, we learn to recognize what is upsetting us BEFORE we react, and learn to handle the emotion in acceptable ways.

My booklet "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It" contains techniques for handling anger effectively and constructively. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in this price.

Anger is an important subject. While many people have been taught from early childhood to suppress it, it is also important to learn how to express it appropriately. Admitting our anger verbally is one way. It's like releasing steam from a pressure cooker, which is both appropriate and healthy. Mature adults express emotions without "throwing fits" or making bullying gestures. Because your mother calls you "Tammy Temper" and your friends are voicing concern, the time has come for you to take control.

Abby you ignant slut how the fuck you can to use this column to promote your wack ass book. Even giving all the info out to hawk your tired ass drivel from stupid ass book about the anger inside us all. Now what makes me angry Abby is that ain't even your real name. Hell I like my name so much I use it often in the third person to refer to myself, and I don't hide behind some bitch ass fake aristocratic, maybe some rich guy will be fooled and marry me horseshit like Abigail Buchanon. Yo "Tranny Temper" just channel that anger and just beat a bitches ass once and awhile. You are popular and people will now fear and respect you too once you give some unsuspecting victim a savage beatdown. Hell I once beat up a teacher in junior high for failing to give me proper respect by not calling me sir. Some people don't learn unless you use violence. And that goes for you Gump Ass Garnett. Next time I am going to go all Tranny Temper on your ass.

DEAR ABBY: When saying the Pledge of Allegiance, should you put your left hand at your side or behind your back? -- WONDERING IN NEW YORK

DEAR WONDERING: I was taught that your left hand should be at your side.

Yo as usual Abby is wrong, and ideally you put that shit on the ass of a hot a cheerleader thats been giving you eyes all during warm-ups. Thats what Bonner does and keeps my shooting hand warm for making it rain all night.

DEAR ABBY: After many years of being single, I met a woman I'll call "Trish" on a blind date. We're both in our late 40s, and we hit it off. We have many things in common.

One night I was at her place when she received a phone call. Trish made it short and sweet and hung up. A few minutes later, I asked who it was, and she told me it was her boss. Abby, I know how she answers the phone when it's her boss -- and it wasn't him. When I said, "That was NOT your boss," she admitted it was one of her boss's clients, but said nothing was going on between them.

When I first met Trish, she mentioned that a client had come in one day, had wine and cheese, then leaned over and kissed her. It's the same guy that called -- and he's married.

I am very hurt. We have both been cheated on. I don't think she has cheated, but she lied to my face. My first instinct is to dump her, but I love her. What should I do? -- HURT IN VERMONT

DEAR HURT: Are you and Trish in a committed relationship? If not, you had no right to question her about who was calling.

That said, a person who would lie to you once would lie to you twice. Listen to your gut. She may not be having a physical affair, but something is going on or she wouldn't have tried to mislead you about who was on the phone.

Yo Hurt get yo girl in check. Dude stop being a bitch. This girl is playing you. She is going to fuck this client, get hurt, and then crawl back to you. And you know why because you are going to let it happen if you take old battle axe abby's advice. My advice get rid of this girl. Because you better be ready big boy this girl probably has a big posse.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Attack of the redheads....

Matt Bonner is back.......and so am I. Bonner has got advice, I got tracks with pics.....

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

can you feel it old house obama and martin edition

This was supposed to go up yesterday but for some reason the post forgot to save, but in this new era of hope I decided yes we can do an old house post on a tuesday. Not only is it a new day but we might have the coolest president in our history and one who can ball. I am sure Martin would be proud.
Mr Fingers - Can You Feel It (martin Luther king remix)
This might be one of the greatest house songs ever made and with the MLK speech over it, this just goes to a whole new level.

Next up is Robert Owens who might be the biggest male singer in house music, and one of my favorites. This track is produced by Larry Heard(Mr. Fingers) and some essential deep house. And seems really a fitting song for today. Owens was in Fingers INC before they disbanded and Heard went on to big solo success with his Mr. Fingers name.
Robert Owens - Bring the Walls Down

The last track up is from Black Riot (one of Todd Terry's many alias). This track has some of those famous snyth lines everyone has used and as usual Todd Terry flips them and kills this beat. Dude is the truth. Plus it seems to be a fitting song for change. I don't know just listen to it you won't be disappointed.
Black Riot - A Day in the Life

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Dear Bonner: The art of jacking your advice

Honestly who gives better advice than Matt Bonner? Obviously no one. I am rich, an NBA superstar, and graduated Florida with practically a 4.0( beat perv edit it was 3.96). So if anyone should be giving advice it should be me and not that old bag of bones Erica kane looking saddle horse Abby or any of her clones who are so old and clueless they give advice only found in a Gil Thorpe cartoon. Speaking of shitty ass cartoons fuck Blondie. That shit is so white it makes my skin crawl. Dude marries a bimbo, eats all the time, and has a shitty boss but dude is happy as fuck. How much money can that dude be making to marry Blondie, and why is she with such a tool. Shit does not make sense. Plus he disses rap music. Dude who writes that you write blondie a smug ass cartoon set in the 1950's with no mention of anything in the real world today. You need to go fuck yourself. And fuck Blondie girl is a ho, and why the fuck she running a catering service anyway. Bitch can't cook and she has fake titties. At least in better or worse people aged. And I don't even want to talk about that sally ass son. Who wears their hair like that in 2009?

DEAR ABBY: I am a female who is "over 21." I have always been a tomboy. I love to wrestle with my 200-pound boyfriend. Our struggles are vigorous, but never violent, and always end with a kiss or more. My friends are horrified. They say I could be injured and that any man who would physically "fight" a woman is a potential wife-beater or worse. So many people have warned me to "watch out" that now I'm beginning to wonder. To me, it's a good way to have fun and burn off calories. What's your take on this, Abby? -- LOVES TO TUSSLE IN GEORGIA DEAR LOVES TO TUSSLE: If you are the one initiating these "fights," then I doubt that your boyfriend is a potential wife-beater or worse. (If it were the other way around, I might be concerned.) What you have described sounds more like foreplay than abuse. As long as you both enjoy it and no one becomes injured, what the two of you do is nobody's business, so keep it private.

Yo loves to tussle its Bonner here. First tell them meddlesome bitches to shit the fuck up. If you need to get your hulk hogan on to fuck your husband ain't no shame in that. I am guessing you a big girl right? You can take a piledriver or body slam. Bonner knows your type. But yeah if your man ain't giving it you right maybe I can put you in a sharp shooter, superkick you in the chin and then pin you. I'll have you screaming 1 2 3 all night. That sound good girl? Remember Bonner here for you all night. If you man won't put you in a boston crab I will.

DEAR ABBY: I recently married a man my family and friends, and I, all thought was the perfect man/husband for me -- or anyone, for that matter. We have been married less than two months, and I have undeniable proof that he is married to another woman in another state.
We received gifts from two showers -- one given by some friends and another given by my co-workers. Should I give them back? I want to do the right thing. There are about 20 gifts and a small gift certificate. So far, people who know my situation say I should keep them, but are they just being polite? -- EMBARRASSED AND HEARTBROKEN IN NORTH CAROLINA DEAR EMBARRASSED AND HEARTBROKEN: If they have not been used, the gifts should be offered to the people who gave them to you. However, if you have already done this and were told you should keep them, then that's what you should do. The gifts are yours to keep or dispose of as you wish, if you would prefer not to have hurtful reminders around.

Nah fuck that keep those gifts girl, or better yet send them to me, Matt Bonner, NBA Superstar. You get a nice toaster, shit I need a nice toaster. How about a deep fryer, you know Bonner likes to deep fry shit. Yo I am hoping you got a fondue set up just in case Tony Parker and that bitch of a wife of his, who keep asking to come over for dinner one night to hang out with the Bonner man, and who I am running out of excuses of why they can't have them over will finally be able to come over. I figure maybe now I set up a nice fondue night for them, you know everyone loves fondue, even the french and their wives. I think its a french word too, fondue, that sounds about right? But yeah girl how about you bring over those gifts and I make you forget about your man. That sound aight with you?

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 54 years. She is now 90 and I am 87, although we could both pass for 70. We have made love about once a week since the day we were married -- yes, about 2,800 times. Is there any correlation between frequency of sex and lack of apparent aging? -- FEELS LIKE A KID IN ARIZONA
DEAR KID: From everything I have read, regular cardiovascular exercise, lack of stress and a happy marriage contribute to a couple's health and well-being. Because a healthy sex life falls into all three categories, I think you're onto something.

Yo I just puked in my mouth. That shit is some serial gross. Dude I am not going to be able to get a hard on for six months. UGHH really, no, that shit is gross. Bonner don't want to think of that and you should be ashamed for sending this question in.

Friday, January 09, 2009

It ain't hating if you right...but yo it IS tricking even if you got it

5 Things Matt Bonner doesn't do:
1. Trick
2. Back down to punks like Kevin Garnett
3. Not listen to rap music every day
4. Eat oatmeal-that shit ain't baller they feed oats to horses and had to put some weird ass quaker on the box so people would forget about that. But yo Bonner don't forget.
5. Not hate- I was born a hater, Bonner So Mad

So I make my triumphant return to drunk and focused with hate on my heart. This whole it ain't tricking if you got movement is pathetic. Yo I got money but you don't see Bonner buying pussy with it. Hell you don't see Bonner buying a nice car either.

but you do see make me making money off cars...BALLER

Why you may ask? I credit Ice Cube dude told me not to be the one, and if girl is thinking lobster, fuck that I am thinking burger king.

I know everyone hates on 50 but anyone that can make Young Buck cry is a ok with me. I also enjoy making grown men cry

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

dance floor dale

Sort of a late pass but this shit rules

directed for warp records flying lotus by Eric from tim and eric

tonite the third annual James Brown Celebration!

We got some dynamite, amazing, hard working mcs and djs to bring you one of the best parties of this early year. We celebrating the godfather, our lord and savior, and the man who makes you get up to get down all night at the Tuesday Scissor Test tonite. We got Nobody Cares and Eyenine rapping and me and evaredy djing all night. We playing all thangs james from his tracks to the music he has influenced and is still influencing to this day. We can never praise James Brown enough. This is the third annual one and hopefully the biggest yet.

9-1 at the Red Door no cover and 2 dollar pbrs
107 State Street Portsmouth, NH

the greatest canadian band (well other than Rush)

simply saucer - here come the cyborgs

Sunday, January 04, 2009

mental sunday

Whitehouse - wiggle like an eel
Andy (eat cloud) gave me this song like three years ago. I know Whitehouse was on some of their own shit fucking around with noise and what not in the early 80's and for better or worse a lot of people tried to sound like them afterwards. But this song is fucking brutal. I mean brutal. Definitely not for everyone but I know the scissor test kids love it.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

if it is 2009 and you don't have this track I feel bad!

And no I can't help you other than give it to you and hope you come to your senses
bob james- nautilus

And yo that ghost joint is just one of the million songs that sample this track. In fact when this track dropped I was like 14 getting all buck and my old brother b2 was like really somebody sampled this track again. Old men hate too much.

But Serial every dj should have this track if not you probably think electro is shitty blog house. How the fuck did electro get jacked like that? It ain't right. But thats a whole nother post.