Wednesday, June 21, 2006

yadda yadda coral boobs

Ahhh the gauntlet report. I am kinda wierded out I met someone who described me as the dude that did tv reviews and shit. Ummm I am not sure if that was a compliment or not. I am saying I use to have a posse as big as andre the giant but since then I have gone solo. That dude justin is mia for a reason ie no internet, but en p, varick, and b2 have no excuses. I am saying I am the dwayne wade of this shit carrying the antoine walkers of this world to fringe status on the internet. Anyway quick gauntlet recap because the show was basically a build up for next week. First things first don't bring your gf or bf on one of these, its a recipe for disaster. Hell I fight with my gf all the time and I didn't meet her on a reality show. The mission for this weeks was rock climbing. Yadda yadda yadda Corals boobs...Evan and Coral win. They vote Wes and his teammate into the gauntelt. Before the deliberation for the other team wes and johanna get into fight. Apparently wes forget johanna was out of his league and pulled a danny which resulted in johanna getting voted in. Johnaa and wes ain't talking and coral and tina are in johanna's ear telling all sorts of women shit. I am saying two girls I don't want in my girls ear are big tittied coral or big assed tina cause those girls are ruthless. Anyway the show ends with this drama ladda ladda ladda next week should be interesting.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Rock Paper Scissors and Shrimp

New mix is done for the podcast but the podcast is being a bitch and not letting me upload it so y'all can dl it here in the meantime
Rocks Paper Scissors and Shrimp

kraftwerk - metal on metal
siguor rous - ba ba ti ki do do
cb4 - straight outta locash (kid 606 remix)
bounty killer - run tings dun we (knifehandchop remix)
0 = 0 -supermario brothers theme
young dro - shoulder lean (curtis vodka remix)
sun ra - sattelites are spinning (zero db remix)
mcneal and niles - one slave, one gun
dj shadow - High noon
matmos - solo button for joe meek
project pat - googly moogly (josh console remix)
amon tobin - cougar merkin
godspeed you black emperor - 4
squarepusher - spymania
eat cloud - behometh
raymond scott - country fair
NEU! - weissensee

Also the Antithesisters fucking destroyed it this past tuesday at the 1 year throw down. Googly moogly did they kill it. Thanks for all y'all that came out it was a fucking great show. And thanks for the 2 folks who stayed late while me and evaredy played 2 live crew records and got yelled at by the cops it was fun.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Tuesday Scissor Test is Dead: the 7th annual 1 Year anniversary throwdown

Scissor test ain't deat yet motherfucker as we celebrate destroying the portsmouth scene, making all competiton bow the fuck down, and making a thousand stanky motherfucking honkies in sandals playing jam band music run for cover. Tonite we do it real real real big like manute Bol on a pogo stick kicking it off with 4 live acts including the Antithesisters, Advanced Apes, tim emerson and Jon Lessard. Doors at 8, music starts at 8:30, thats 8 fucking thirty whether your late asses are their yet are not. From 11-1 we take it back to the orignal scissor test shit when I bring out evaredy and we play all that hot fiya you can dance to. All bass music all the time plus alot of exclusive tracks, remixes and drunkeness. Plus i'll be playing all that wierd shit in between the acts as usual. So come out get drunk, fight a honkey or two and come celebrate the debauchery that is tuesday scissor test. Its free, doors at 8, pbrs are 2 dollars, and its at the red door in good ol portsmouth nh.

Big shout out to lemon red who used to dj with me back when I started this shit last summer when it used to be straight djing all night long. He bounced to NY though and the night evolved into a showcase of the best bands in the area regardless of any bullshit genre or any nonsense like that. Also a shout out to the orginal scissor test posse people that used to come out when nobody else did you know who you are brendan "white gloves funwrecker, that dude justin who actually coined the term Tuesday Scissor Test, AJ the makeshift sound dude, mr. wallace and crew, bif rike snm the first live band that ever played the night, and everyone who has played this shit or came out its been appreciated. And also a very big shout to my big brother B2 who is really the godfather of the scissor test sound whether he realizes it or not. Anyway come out early for the live music and stay late for the dance shit cause me and evaredy are taking back to last summer from 11-1 for straight shit you can dance too. And cause I am that dude here is a sneak preview of the type shit you might here tonite from a sample of our next mixtape "Music For White Girls and the Thugs that love them vol. 2, No Head, No Backstage Pass." And yes I know I am fucking classy

No Head, No Backstage Pass
FU2 - No Head, No Backstage Pass
Nelly Furtado - Promiscous Girl (instrumental)
bel biv devo - poison
Pete Rock and cl smooth - TROY (instrumental)
too short - blow the whistle (accapella)
TI - Why you wanna (instrumental)
Human League - human
federation - In love with a hoodrat (accapella)
truck Stop krew - nuttin but a bass thang
choppa - Choppa style(accapella)
Cucci shit interlude
Dj technics - Dick Like a newjack
MIA - Bucky Done Gun (Unruly remix)
Frank Ski - Whores in the House
rod lee - bling bling
Lil Jon - snap yo fingers (accapella)
David Banner - Might gethca (instrumental)
TI ft. UGK - Front 2 Back
8ball and MJG - Pimp Hard (accapella)
Young Jeezy - Over here
lil flip - game over (instrumental)
trillville - neve eva (accapella)

yadda yadda yadda Melinda's boobs

The gauntlet is like waching Nascar only for the crashes, you know eventually it will happen but when it doesn't your left to watch a bunch of fukcing cars go round and round in circles and that shit is boring. The gauntlet has been like that this year, I am still waiting for the first real car crash and its on the horizon thank to the new posterboy for douce bags Wes. First things first he has a fucking mohawk, yep him and nick hogan prove mohawks are not just for out of touch punk rock kids anymore. Anyway the mission this week was to eat slop out of a metal bowl while locked in a cage and handcuffed, then find the three keys in the slop and unlock yourself and sprint to the finish line 50 yards down. Yada Yada Yada chanda and theo win proving the black and white cookie is the symbol of this gauntlet cause the white boy with the black girl has taken every mission so far. Anyway the gauntlet was set for wes and his partner who repeatedly tells all the time is the worst partner in the world cause she is the dumbest and least athletic, thats it wes is the payton manning of the gauntlet everytime something goes right its all because of him, as soon as something happens he throws his teammate under the bus, yep all we need now is the patented wes face. Anyway they are going against Melinda and johnny cake ryan, melinda wants to go home cause mr. ben afflack himself Danny got sent home and is a jealous prick who starts fight on the phone cause melinda mini skirt might be to short. In honor of danny all the pictures for this weeks gauntlet will be Melinda drunk at bars showing off her titties or ass, yep drunk melinda likes to flash her goodies and we at drunk and focused salute her and can't wait for her to do playboy.

I have a new idea for a reality show starring danny, basically he gets one punched every week untill his face collapses in. Anyway Melinda's heart is not in the mission(not to mention her titties or ass) and at the first checkpoint they figure out the puzzzle and get to lose their bags but the dumbasses forget to bring the flag. At the second check point they realize this so johnny cakes goes back to get it and they end up losing. Wes's ego is huge now and he thinks he can't be beat and goes around telling everyone this leading up to next weeks episode where him and johanna have a huge fight and wes tells everyone he is the man yadda yadda yadda

Thursday, June 08, 2006

a soundtrack for your next blackout

New mix up featuring shit load of spaced out rock music this time around and its good to listen on what the kids call drugs.
jonny wayne on acid
Tangerine Dream - genesis
boredoms - circle
bif rik snm - dalliance of yore
who killed the red baron - fushia blues (live edit)
antithesisters - eddie winslow (remix)
faust - chere chambre
eat cloud - big kitchen
aphex twin - green calx
television - marquee moon (alternate version)
sonic youth - shaking hell (live 83)

Also of note the antithesisters(one of dude justins 17 and half bands) will be playing live this tuesday at the 7th annual 1 year Aniversary of the scissor test. The night orginated last summer with that dude Lemon Red (who just got 19th best music site from Entertainment Weekly which is fucking bonkersand I think drunk and focused came in at about number 527) We used to play a shitload of new rap, booty shit, exclusives and lemon red always seemed to maange to drop one r kelly record a night to a loyal group of about 5 people who would come out, and lets not forget funwrecker and his white gloves. After lemon red bolted for New York I revamped the night with live music and me djing before, during and after the acts and took over the portsmouth scene from the shitty jam band music and sally electro pop dudes playing ipod electroclash from boston that were pervading the scene by crushing all competition for a night where anything fucking goes. Here's an article on the night
scissor test

So all my loyal readers in the area that made this site the number 527th best source for music as rated by Entertainment weekly should come out to see how we do it live. I am djing with boy evaredy (yep he same due who got banned from that bitch ass Dover Soul for playing Nore records) from 11-1 dropping straight bass music, blends, crunk and bass and b-more club exclusives, and from 9-1 we have the long hairs covered with music from the antithesisters, tim emerson, and the rap duo advance apes. The show is at the Red Door in Portsmouth, NH their is no cover and we got you drunks covered with 2 dollar pbrs.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

When I was 12 I ate alot of grilled cheeses

Rats off to you its 6/6/6 which I think is national grilled cheese day! In honor of grilled cheeses, the devil and slayer here is slayer remixed by amon tobin

Agent of theft

the gauntlet recap with a word from our sponsor

To spice up the fresh meat recap we have a proud sponsor being Evaredy's heavy like a chevy Podcast.
fucking rap music mayne
torture chamber (cut chemist remix/original) - edan ft. percee p
break north - utltramagnetic mc's
make up your mind - kool keith
multiples - atmosphere
hand on the glock - cypress hill
melody remix/be easy blend
can you feel me? - saafir
the thief in the night - aceyalone
put it on/dj premier blend - big l
invocation - common
t boz tried to talk to me - count bass d
manifest - gang starr
get off the bandwagon - epmd
dial 7 (axioms of creamy spies) - digable planets
you know how it goes (t ray remix) - grand puba
mansion and a yacht remix - kurious ft. mike g and sadat x
commercial meledy - the jack d'johns
bitties in the bk lounge - de la soul
kick'em in the grill - 3rd bass ft. chubb rock
slave to my soundwave - lord finess
nighttrain (pete rock strong island mixx) - public enemy ft cl smooth

Fucking mixed live and correct by mixtape podna evaredy. Me and him doing big tings coming up and be on the look out for our new mixtape "Music for white girls and the thugs that love them: Vol 2: No Head, No Backstage Pass" dropping soon on your melons.

Now on the gauntlet which is no way as good as this mix evaredy done did.

I am kinda worried this episode was kinda of a weak and I think we are falling back into last seasons period of absolutely sucking. The big thang on this weeks show was derrick and his partner diem. If this was wrestling derrick became a "good" guy on this episode of last gauntlet of being a heel or what you know as a bad guy all through last season (Alton would be the hulk hogan of the gauntlet cause dude never lost). To do this they paired him up with diem who other than being hot, has fucking ovarian cancer. Yeah fucking cancer. So now derrick has a legit reason to be ubder competive cause he doesn't want to let her down because this is may be her last chance to do anything physical before she goes back for more chemotherapy.

This weeks mission was holding up your partner while expended above water. It looked like when of those trapezee artists do the trick where they catch their partner in mid air. Anyway long mission short, the Midnight express of the gauntlet, Evan and Coral, win their fucking third straight mission and decide to send tits magee err melinda, and johnny cakes into the gauntlet.

During the vote to send the other team in Wes volunteers his team in to save Johanna because her and jesse had the worst time. During the vote johanna started crying, overwrought with emotion that wes would be so chivarlous or some bullshit. Big asssed tina said it best on the lines of she couldn't stand this over dramatic bullshit and she was so over boyfriends on challenges. What tina is not over having an ass that project pat would say googly moggly to that thang is juicy and probaly a donkey kong comment.

The show ends with the gauntlet looming next week and me feeling as unsatisfied as john getting hammie whammie from a hooker and not cumming for an hour before she says times up like OC and your left with some blue balls.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Emotions are boring, I just want to see shit blow up

This season of the sopranos ends leading to next years final 8 episodes ever (and then the eventual movie trilogy). Anyway this season has been a mixed bag, dudes like me have loved it regardless cause I like shit like plot build up, but they kind of dropped the ball on the vito thang. A little too much buildup with not enough climax(but they did have some great unintentional comedy with Phil coming out the closet I am not sure why but that made me chuckle) but in reality all the shit was used as the final fodder to bring New Jersey and New York to a near bloodbath, and establish that the final 8 episodes will either lead Tony to becoming the true don of the underworld, or his eventual demise. Anyway before we get into the future lets recap this past episode.

Speaking of NY/NJ the show starts off with Carlo picking up fat doms frozen head from a freezer and putting his head down a sewer drain in Connecticut. Carlo calls Silvio to tell him the final piece has been taken care off and asks if the weenie roast is still on. The "weenie roast" is tony's retaliation for Vito by blowing up Phil's Wire Room. As Phil and his gumba housekeeper head to the room shit explodes. Vinny Delpino calls up tony to tell him the job has been done, and the sha(tonys nickname for phil cause dude looks like the Shah of Iran) and his skeeza were blown back.

Elsewhere that real estate broad from ER that tony couldn't "seal" the deal with is back as Tony signs the papers over to Jamba Juice. Tony tells he does not like to mix business and pleasure, but can't get her out of his mine and wants another chance. She wants nothing to do with him though, the reason being she is fucking Chris. She met chris in a AA meeting, she is recovering drunk and junk user, and after a meeting she was at with Chris they went out for coffee which resulted in them fucking.

Elsewhere Chris's ex finance Adriana's mom tried to commit suicide, leading Carmela to want to hire a private investigator to try to find her. This makes tony realize that Carmela needs a career so he tells silvio to lean on the building inspector so carmela can concentrate on her spec house again. Its now thanksgiving and tony asks chris who his new goomba is. Chris says she is a black chick, hence why he never brought her around, he didn't want to deal with the shit Paulie would give him etc. The reality is he is fucking the real estate chick and knows Tony might not be too keen on that shit.

Elsewhere AJ becomes struck on this banging Latino secretary from his work site. At the bar he gets her number but she only gives him 6 digits saying he has to work for the rest. The girl is about 10 years older than him with a three year old son. None of this phases AJ who starts to date the girl. While at her place watching the "40 Year Old Virgin" some white hoodlums hang outside her place blasting pitbull's "Kulo" which I am pretty sure is just ass over and over again, which is beautiful. If I am wrong someone correct me, but in my mind its just ass ass ass, KULO, ass ass ass, KULO etc. AJ gets them to leave by giving them his Gary Fisher bike his folks bough him last Christmas. For getting them to leave the broad fucks his brains out. I am saying I got an Iron Horse bike in my shed that should at least get me a blowjob correct?

Little Carmine sets up a meeting between Tony and phil to squash the beef. The beef is settled and tony and phil agree to let the pass shit with vito and the wire room bombing be put to rest. That is until dumb ass lil Carmine mentions Phil's brother being murdered with pisses off Phil and has him storm off. Tony can't believe Carmine would have mentioned that. The NY crew wants revenge and Phils lackeys say something has to be done and he has been too accommodating to Tony. They want an eye for an eye and Tony dead. Phil says he will never kill a boss, and when that happened in the pass it wasn't right. His crew says well then pick someone then to take out.

Elsewhere Julianna (the real estate agent) is sick with a horrible cough. Chris says he will get her some cough medicine but she refuses cause of the alcohol content so they settle on Valerian tea, which in turn leads them back on junk. Chris decides to tell Tony he is banging her so he won't think he is back on the junk. Tony seems not to care until he see's Melfi and is bitter about it. He also tells Melfi he realizes he has a weird attraction to girls that are, "Dark complexion, smart, they smell a little bit, of money...That's probably why I still come here."

Elsewhere Agent Harris stops by the pork store to warn tony of some info he heard out of Brooklyn. He tells Tony he is not popular at all in Brooklyn right now and that someone close to him maybe in danger. Tony thanks him and agent harris responds with a shrug that it's Christmas.

Phil has a serious heart attack and that will be a 5-6 months recovery. Tony goes to visit him and tells him of his own epiphany when he was near death. And all this bullshit is useless, that we need to end all of it cause their is enough for both of them to live like kings, and the most important things in life is family and grandchildren. Phil tears up and seems to agree. However when Tony was living when of Phil's henchmen seems ominous and has an obvious dislike for Tony.

The show ends at Christmas with AJ bringing over his new girl who Carmela seems a little worried about cause she is older than aj and Puerto Rican. Tony doesn't seem to mind saying at least she is catholic. And the show ends with Meadow calling and the family hanging out outside the Christmas tree.

Friday, June 02, 2006

new mix up

Podcast is updated get that shit here

getting off to nuclear war

sun ra - nuclear war (madlib remix)
project pat - riding on chrome
dj shadow - midnight in a perfect world(gift of gab remix)
hymie's basement - 21st century pop song
aphex twin - come on you slags
grrrls out of hell - deserter
neutral milk hotel - heroin bag
Evaredy - New Clear
matmos - semen song for james bidgood
camron ft. Juelz santana - we make change
daedelus - now and then
test icicles - biggest mistake (zilla remix)
germs - media attack
prefuse 73 - radio attack
boards of canada - kid for today (stereolab mix)
el p - deep space 9mm
add n to X = Oh Yeah, O h No