Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Scissors and clouds and eating

Fuck Kobe calk me the phil jackson of the blog world cause I got that motivation. I am saying En P might be developing into the next lamar odom/scottie pippen type. Hell all I need is for dude justin to take on the Robert Horry role of not doing anything but coming out of no where with big shots(ie huge kraut and pysche rock posts), and Varick will take care of himself, he's like vince carter he can turn it on and off whenever need be. And well for big brother b2 lets just say he looks good on the bench. Its like having that old cagey verteran off the bench that wil show up for a big game and shut down the other teams top scorer. But lets not get it twisted I still take the last shot of the game.

Now onto some that self promotion in the name of my weekly tuesday scissor test which is tonite with the cd release for Eat Cloud! Dude is some you ain't on his level electronic beat shit, all done live with no computers cause dudes hands on like that. Since I love all you here is a little taste of what you will hear when you come out tonite and by his new cd.

kick em

big kitchen

So tonite hit up Portsmouth, NH at the Red door its a free show with 2 dollar pbrs. I start playing records at 8 and live shit with the Pandas, Grrls out of hell, and Eat cloud starts at 9.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Lakers vs. Drunk and Focused

Beat Pervert claims himself as Kobe and while this is true it is because he never "passes the ball" (think Beat Pervert using DAF to self promote). However he was still asked to the USA team unlike some other "selfish bloggers."

Dude Justin would have to be Rick Fox. Contributes every once in awhile and is pretty much along for the ride. Would probably be the captain on another team (Celtics) but is too busy banging Vanessa Williams.

For Varick Pyr we're going to have to go with Kwame Brown. He was drafted first in the draft but has not lived up to the standards set for him by scouts. He was supposed to be the next Kevin Garnett but just can't cut it due to work ethic issues.

B2 the Baptist is Ronny Turiaf because I hardly know anything about either.

For me we're going to have to go with Caron Butler. Expected to be a good role player as an "undersized" forward but exceeded expectations and was a big loss to the Lakers lineup this year when he was traded to Washington.

. . . . .

Keak Da Sneak is growing on me and here are some track from his new album with the Farm boyz. This shit bangs hard as hell and I'm not a huge fan of the bay but this kid's unconventional style is hard not to like.

Keak Da Sneak - "Hello"

Keak Da Sneak - "On Top of My Game"

Keak Da Sneak - "Shut Up"

These tracks are all from The Farm Boyz ft. Keak

You can purchase it here.

En P

Sometimes you just got to punch a broad in her face

First things first this Soprano's review is being brought you by Eat Cloud, who reminds you his new cd comes out tomorrow and you can be the first person on the block to own one if you come out to the release party at Tuesday Scissor Test at the Red Door in Portsmouth, NH. I start spinning records at 8 and live shit pops off with Eat Cloud, Grrls out of Hell, and the Pandas at 9. Drunk and focused would also like to thank our other sponsor Maddog 2020 whose been with us since day one. Now onto the recap.

The show starts off with Corky giving the directions to the Italians of who they have to kill and where they live. They take care of the job and kill Rusty and his driver. Once again proving that outsourcing work to overseas makes perfect sense. Hell I am even thinking about outsourcing the drunk and focused soprano's recap to India and having them do the weekly updates. With my posse never writing anymore it does make sense, hell I am carrying Drunk and Focused like kobe bryant (well except for yesterday and all of last season) does the lakers, and yes you can now refer to me as the white mamba . And if this keeps up I might even have to hire someone from China just to carry my weed for me, but anyway back to the recap.

Vito's still in NH and Tony is taking a break for searching for him, pretty much tony doesn't give a fuck that Vito is gay and would rather him remain missing than have to take care of the problem since he believes in the Seinfield philosophy of "not that their is anything wrong with it." Chris takes this break in the chase to go to LA to meet with Ben Kingsley about playing the lead role in the movie "Cleaver", which I heard they already casted one of the girls in the movies that gets topless than dies, and yes its none other than Paris Hilton, who gets her head chopped off after taking seven topless tequila shots, its cinema gold I tell ya, gold. Speaking of stupid spoiled cunts I think their should be a new reality show called Cunt Hunting when a bounty hunter hunts stupid spoiled whores for money, it could be described Mtv's My Sweet Sixteen meets Dog the bounty Hunter, and it would be the highest rated show ever. Anyway while in LA Chris falls off the wagon with hookers and cocaine, the meeting with Kingsley was a joke and their is no chance in hell he will do the film, and it leads to one of the finest moments on the soprano's which we will get to at the end.

Anyway back in jersey Tony is at a new restaurant Giovanni's for Phil's godson's reception. Phil comes up to tony who admits he feels like a traitor for eating here and not at Artie's place, which has been doing horrible business lately, and everyone has been complaining that the food is no where near as good as it used to be. Phil also thanks Tony for taking care of Rusty and Tony denies having anything to do with it, which leads Phil to remark something in wop about Tony being a cautious man. A side story is also developing between Vinny Delpino(Benny) and Artie over Artie's hostess Martine. Artie was helping her with her green card until he realized she would never fuck him. Turns out she fucked him over with a credit card scheme with Vinny Delpino. Artie confronts her and finds out she was in on the fraud and goes to vinny delpino's house and proceeds to beat the shit out of him, sending him to the hospital. Dude Vinny Delpino is a pussy, let us not forget when Artie got fucked up by that frenchmen sally and has his earring ripped out and then tried to kill himself. Vinny wants revenge on Artie but tony steps in. He says revenge will not occur because Artie grew up with Tony and you don't shit where you eat, and you definitely don't shit where tony eats. Benny agrees to go for dinner with his parents at Artie's restaurant, where Artie would apologize to him. Artie comes to the tables and apologizes then makes a crack at Vinny about how he loves Martines, which are like a martini but that go down easier and from the Ukraine. Vinny Delpino doesn't appreciate this comment and decides to go into the kitchen and burn Artie's hand in a scalding pan of sauce.

Elsewhere we have a beautiful moment in television when Chris in all black punches out that old broad Lauren Bacall and steals her gift basket worth 30,000 dollars in gifts. It reminded me of this little you tube gem found via Serg from beerandrap.com and seriously I can watch this clip all day
White people are so crazy

The show ends with Tony yelling at Chris for leaving and not controlling the situation between Vinny Delpino who is in his crew, and Artie, saying if hadn't left maybe none of this would have happened. Chris brings up his sacrifice with Adrian and tony asks him how many times is he going to pull that card?

The show ends with Artie making a rabbit dish from his grandfather's cookbook for two late night arriving customers, and the two Italian killers comparing expensive gifts they bought for their families due to the weak American dollar.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

umm I forgot what day it is

First things shout to towlie, Oprah's Vagina, U God, Pete and Pete, and Prince Paul who all sent me holiday cards today. I especially enjoyed Prince Paul's and his enclosed autograph picture of don newkirk.

No onto some music you can listen to on the weed
Showbiz, AG, big L - represent

Question what the fuck is up with the bone thugs resurgence. Bone thugs was, is and forever will be wack. And everyone knows they just bit their fast sing flow from these guys. I know people like dumb music when stoned but fucking bone? Shit ain't right
Freestyle fellowship - hot potato

New Ghlislain Poirier track makes me want to bounce up and down on hotel bed with some hockey sticks and hookers that only speak french
Ghislain Poirier - Pampa Pimp

You ever listen to TI? You ever listen to TI on weed?
Whatcha know about TI on weed?

I dunno why this is here
east flatbush project - tried by 12 autechre remix

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I drove a dodge stratus to pick up the new scissor test radio podcast

New mix is up featuring everyone's favorite dude, that dude justin's band the antithesisters and whole lot more nonsense from squarepusher, aphex twin, godspeed, your favorite dead rapper, and more.

squarepusher - tundra 4
antithesisters - eddie winslow
sonic youth - brother james
aphex twin - the waxen pitch
Eight frozen modules - Cuts like an ax
buck owens - who's going to mow your lawn?
pastor troy - police can't break it up
clouddead - jimmy breeze pt. 1
neu! - hallo gallo
boards of canada - dayvan cowboy
sole - respect pt. 3
biggie smalls - warning
godspeed you black emperor - storm
boom bip - your are here

Get the podcast here
Scissor test radio volume 2

Or the direct download here
Scissor test radio volume 2 the direct download

Also tonite scissor test pops off with Soular Winds, Al Jabra and Yusef, Emo and Evaredy, and Advanced Apes. I start spinning shit at 8 and live shit pops off at 9. As always its free and you can get drunk off 2 dollar pbrs.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Live Free or Die

Ahh my home state new Hampshire gets some love from the Sopranos this week as the show starts off with news breaking that vito was spotted dressed in a village people's costume at a gay bar. Chris was at AA meeting when some dude at the meeting, who was cousin's with one of the other dudes that saw vito at the bar, told chris about the new and improved brokeback vito. Chris then runs to the gentleman's club to tell tony and the rest of the crew the news, while Tony tells them not to jump to judgment yet, and for all they knew this guy who supposedly saw him could just "have a hard on for vito."

Vinny Delpino and couple other goons go track down Vito at vacation with his mistress who he hasn't fucked for a year now. Ummm how can you have a mistress you don't fuck? Isn't the whole notion of a mistress is a girl you fuck on the side? Aren't they know just friends who use to fuck? Can somebody clarify this for me? Anyway Vito tells the goons and Vinny delpino he will follow them, but instead books it out of dodge to the good ol granite state. He goes back to his house first to kiss his kids good bye, and grab a shitload of money. Then he takes off to the good ol granite state and when Phil calls him, he tosses his phone out the window. Vito's car ends up breaking down and he hoofs it to a fictional town up north known as Dartford, NH. On a side note the white mountain region of NH comes highly recommend from me, it sure is beautiful out there. Anyway he finds a bed and breakfast inn and passes out with his gun under his pillow.

Elsewhere Chris is taking care of the bidness to wack the little guy rusty. They have two Italians coming in to do the job and Chris needs to enlist a middle man to take care of them to insulate the family. Chris gets a heroin addict named Corky who is fluent in Italian to relay the message to the Italians. Elsewhere Carmela is pissed that her house has been ransacked by her father, and the fact tony keeps forgetting about getting the permits for her. Not to mention she is just been surpassed in the women of Mafia husband's circle by big pussy's wife who will call just A lot of Pussy. A lot of pussy is making big bank at her body shop and is now putting money out on the street. Which makes carmela jealous cause her dumb ass can't even get her house built. Rosalie even remarks that A lot of pussy is not only on them(ie a dumb housewife married to the mob) but now she's also one of them.

Elsewhere Fin is at the social club telling everyone he saw vito giving head at the construction site after meadow spilled the beans. This was the final straw and the irrefutable evidence that Vito was gay. Paulie was the most adamant about vito needed to be killed, but tony wanted to think it over and told Paulie will he be taking care of Vito's children? At Dr. Melfi's office Tony admits he doesn't care that Vito is gay in reality and is thinking about giving him a pass.

Since vito is still missing Tony promotes Carlo to take over the construction bidness. Carlo then tells tony that vito's crew if he came back would no longer take orders for him and alot of the family is calling for his head. Tony argues that vito is his best earner by far and if he came back their is no reason why he wouldn't earn the same, plus he tells Carlo lets be honest cause we all know Vito ain't the first. Silvio then counsels tony to not give vito any slack cause it could come back to bite him in the ass and he could start losing money.

The show ends with Vito in a NH diner eating pancakes and homemade sausages and enjoying the NH way of life in antique stores.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

new article is up

My monthly column in the wire is up today featuring a look at them djs such as caps and jones, certfied bananas, flosstradamus, and tittsworth.

do the wop while reading this

I am also doing a feature article on b-more producer scotty b that should be out in the next couple weeks so be on the lookout for that.

Lastly here are some mp3s for your asses
First up is the dope souls of mischief which sampled the taxi theme song and hence why most of y'all never heard it before. They couldn't clear the sample but they should have cause this is the best souls of mischief track not named 93 till infinity
souls of mischief - cabfare

Next up is KMD and a gasface
gasface refill

And lastly some aphex twin cause I care because you do
aphex twin - acridavid jam shred

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Scissor Test Radio Volume 1

New scissor test radio popdcast in full effect. This way you can hear the sounds of tuesday scissor test in convient radio form. First show is up and is all over the place from slayer and master p remixes to brazilian pysche rock and 1950's electronic shit.
Scissor test radio volume 1

raymond scott - don't beat your wife every night
amon tobin - angel of theft
master p - I need dubz (zilla remix)
daedelus/phthalocyanine -shaped axe from the back drop of shape
alemendra - hoy todo en la cuidad
boredoms -super are
godz - In my shadow
dj shadow - mutual slump
faust - exercise
deep puddle dynamics - purpose
wu tang clan - cream
raymond scott - take me to your violin teacher
kid 606 vs drop the lime - ectasy mofo remix
jay z ft. ugk - big pimpin
secret frequency crew - aqua
boards of canada - chinook
flostradamus - overnight celebrity
aphex twin - tha

For those who hate the itunes you can dl it here Scissor test radio volume 1

Also big show tonite at the Scissor Test featuring Baltimore's finest Human Host, Eat Cloud, and the Antihesisters (featuring that dude who never posts named Justin, I am saying my posse is fucking lazy)

Eat Cloud


human host

I start spinning records at 8 tonite and the live show pops off a little after 9 at the Red Door Portsmouth, NH on state street.

Monday, April 10, 2006

judy blume cries less that white dudes these days

The show opens up with Rusty (the dude who tried to back little carmine last year during the power struggle after Carmine died) opening an invitation for Jon's daughter Allegra, yes like the allergy medicine, wedding reception. The court grants that Johnny sack can get 6 hours released from prison to attend the services, but he would have to pay for the extra security costs such as metal detectors and what not. Tony is finally going back to work and has a new driver and bodyguard that looks like vin diesel named Perry Annunziata. Tony seems a little intimidated by how ripped dude was and is insecure that everyone is now in better shape than him, even remarking to Perry that he used to be able to bench over three hundred pounds.

Tony is then back in dr. melfi's office asking if he can get a mercy fuck for everything he has been through. Melfi tries to press him on Junior, but he wants to instead focus on AJ. After this tony heads to the pork store to meet with the crew. When he gets there he compares his scar with Chris' scars from being shot. Before tony leaves the store, Phil stops by with a request from Phil to have Tony do a favor for him and take out rusty. Tony has to say no that he has done enough of his dirty work and it's time to set some limits.

Now they show some titties and ass. Or ass and titties as Chris and a couple cronies are getting after hour lap dances from some nice girls trying to work their way through college. Muhammed and Ahmed (and no not the rap duo of the dude from real world san Francisco and the dude that rapped that back in the day song) come by to drop off some money for 120 credit card numbers and security codes. They also ask chris if he could get them some automatic tech nines to handle some family bidness. We then go to a scene of mister magoo, Junior, as he is put in a pysche ward facility. In the facility junior claims his innocence in shooting tony, saying if anything happened it was a gun malfunction and begs to be let go back home. The next day Carmela intercepts a paper before Tony could get it that showed a picture of Junior with a headline that reads "cushy pysche lock-up."

The wedding day comes and allegra squeezes all that junk, and I mean all that junk into a wedding dress. The metal detector goes off as Tony enters the wedding and they ask him to take off his shoes. As he goes to do this he falls down, and is embarrassed that people will view him as weak. The reception is on and broke back vito pulls Tony to the side and gives him his hefty taste of the strip mall and to give him the info that the dude with the municipal swimming pool bids is willing to play ball. Tony then meets with johnny and fakes talking at the old folks table so US marshalls wouldn't bee to suspicious of their convo. Johnny begs tony to take care of the rusty issue and tony finally relents and tells him he will. Chris then tells Tony he thinks this was the wrong move and will turn out bad.

The wedding is ending and as Allegra, who surprisingly has terrible allergies, is driving off with her husband the US marshalls drive up and block the exit out, and take Jon away. Jon Pleads for them to let his daughter leave but they refuse and jon breaks down and bawls, pulling an adam morrison and losing the respect of Phil and his fellow wise guys. Tony actually sticks up for phil after the incident claiming, "He has seen tougher guys cry at weddings...and when it involves a daughter all bets are off."

Brokeback vito leaves the wedding early and tells his wife he needs to go make some collections that night. His collections were getting dressed in leather and going to a gay bar to pick up some dudes. As Vito is loving life and dancing the night away with his fellow of choice, a couple wise guys their to pick up money from the bartender see him their and call him out for being gay. Vito attempts to tell them this was a big joke, but they don't believe it and tell him to say hi to his wife for them. After this vito goes back home and grabs a gun and checks into a motel. He calls up silv at 3 am to tell him if he needs anything he is there for him. All Silvio wants him to do is hang up so he can go back to sleep. I am saying foreshadow to the second episdoe where Vito tells Janice maybe Gene killed himself cause he was a closet homo and didn't think he could talk to anyone about it.

Tony is back at Melfi's complaining that since he has left the hospital he has noticed people questioning his judgment when before they never would have. Melfi tells him people now sense he is weak and if he wants to overcome this he must reassert his authority. To do this Tony goes back to the pork store and sizes up everyone there. He decides that the Vin Diesel look a like is the most physically impressive and thus his prime target. Tony then picks a fight with him and proceeds to beat the shit out of him to reassert he is in fact the alpha male and can still fuck you up when needed. After the beatdown he heads to the bathroom to puke out blood from all the exertion as the episode ends.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Women fucking polar bears

new mix is here done in the scissor test style of anything and everything goes from pysche and kraut rock to straight up rap music and anythang else I want to throw up in the mix. This is my weekly where I book live shit from that rap music to that rock music to tha electronic shit to that straight up wierd shit, and I dj before, in between, and after the sets. Anyway here is the new scissor test mix with spirtual guidance from that dude justin and my man conrad.

Polar bear fucking
dem franchize boys -lean wit it (flosstradamus juke house remix)
united states of america - coming down
young jeezy and slim thug - diamonds (dj ayres and winslow remix)
add n to x - machine is bored with love
faust - stretch out time
dj shadow, david banner, nump, gold - seeing thangs
peter schilling - major tom pt. 2
dr. octagon - blue flowers (automator remix)
cage - agent orange
bruce haack -mean old devil
daedelus - loaded
dez and nobs - on my own dick
gangstar - code of the streets
television - elevation
big daddy kane - raw
kraftwerk - endless endless
amon tobin - verbal (boom bip remix)
mc serch ft. nas, chubb rock, and red hot lover tone - back to the grill

Also as an added bonus for that one dude who missed out on the past couple mixes for yo pleasure

whatcha know about drugs
sixtoo - boxcutter emporium
jamie lidell - daddy's car (boom bip remix)
radiohead - I Will (scott matelic remix)
camron - get em girls
clouddead - dead dogs two (boards of canada remix)
project pat - googly moogly
daedelus- axe murderation
TI - what you know about that (low budget remix)
amon tobin and doubleclick - ownage
fog - check fraud (kid koala remix)
tittsworth - trixx
geto boys- Mind playing tricks on me
Too Short ft. Jay Z - Here We Go (lil jon remix)
RJD2 - Here's Whats Left
KMD - What a Niggy Know (remix)
Del - Eye Examination
JEL ft. Wise Intelligent - WMD
Charisma and Peanut Butter Wolf - Methods

what thee ho message
boards of canada - Zoetrope
project pat - chickenhead
diplo - money, power, respect
lil jon - throw it up
AFX - ?
gangsta boo ft. 3 6 mafia and project pat - who we be
can - oh yeah
eat cloud - bow'd brain
themselves - this about a city...alive
david bowie - man who sold the world
kid 606 - done with the scene mogawai remix
daedelus - touch of spring
beach boys - wouldn't it be nice

drugs good
tangerine dream - phaedra
kid 606 vs com a - illness/metal booty (remix)
knifehandchop vs. 0=0 - Down with technics (remix)
odd nosdam - record loop
godspeed you black emperor - sleep
The Illusion - Its so so
rakim - casualities of war (militant remix)
siquor ros - baba ti ki dido
noam chomsky - what is terrorism
boom bip -from left to right
prefuse 73 and four tet - creating cyclinical headaches
squarepusher - ultra transistor
bjork - hypberballad(dj ayres remix)
tittsworth - 4 tops

Monday, April 03, 2006

God Bless You Dr. Kevorkian

The sopranos starts off with Tony staring at the wall which reads, "Sometimes I go about in a pity for myself, and all the while, a great wind carries me across the sky." He is getting better and is due for one last surgery the next day to stich up the gaping hole in his stomach. He complains to the nurse that all his thoughts seem to be getting away from him, and she responds that's normal for people in his condition.

Janice's old jesus loving narcoleptic bf Aaron, along with another dude that jacks off to jesus, came to see Tony after they finished a protest outside the hospital because Jesus does not improve of birth control. Apparently big baby jesus loves it raw. Tony is worried that if they come after birth control they will soon come after Viagra, which he assumes he will need a lot of in his post operative condition. Carmela asks him if he is a wise ass as the jesus freaks leave.

On her deathbed Paulie's aunt dottie, a nun, tells him she had been a bad girl and got pregnant by a GI during the war. She tells Paulie she is his real mom. After paulie does the wha whah whaha face (ala jon stewart daily show) he confronts his mom err aunt err mom about the incident at her nursing home, calling his real mom a whore and yelling at his other mom for deceiving him. Paulie obviousoly never listend to shaq diesel or else he would have appreciated what his mom/aunt did by rasing him. Cause let us not forget Shaq once rapped "took me from a boy to a man, so phil is my father when my biological didn't bother." Paulie shaq feels your pain.

Now we have a Lord Jamar sighting, apparently when he is not beating up punks who happen to jump up to get beat down or stealing ya ho, he takes time to act. He plays a rapper named de lux who pulled a fiddy and got shot seven times, which of course led to rising record sales. His weed carrier Treach from naughty by nature, I am pretty sure he played himself, was all bummed out because Jamal was supposed to produce his next albulm, but now he is too large and will probaly forget all about him. Choo Choo Train Bobby has a solution for treach, he will shoot him in the fleshy part of the thigh for a small monetary fee, and that way treach too can become a big rap star. Which leads to Bobby shooting him in the ass. Also of note isn't treach a porn star now? Not sure how that relates to getting shot in the ass but it just does, just ask peppa she'll tell ya.

Elsewhere in soprano land there is some issues about Barone sanitation. Tony is a consultant for them and the son wants to sell the company to take care of his widowed mom. Tony tells him to reconsider but the son is too naive to realize how the business works and ignores tony's advice. This is how the business works the mob runs it, capiche. The son wants to sell to a front for johnny sack. Sack and Tony haggle over compensation, with tony finally relenting and taking a deal where he keeps his paycheck and w2 for ten years and recieves 12 percent of the sale, remarking there is enough garbage for everyone.

Tony is on the same floor as lord jamal who tells tony he is a real o.g. and he should come watch the ppv fight tonite in his room. Tony then conversates with a patient who looks and kinda sounds like kurt vonnegut. During the fight treach took over his weed carrying duties as the bitch who has to hold the satellite for everyone. Also the vonnegut look alike, who happened to be a rocket scientist, talked about the theory that everyone is connected, or as lord jamal said it, "everythang is everythang." Word is bond mayne, word is bond. The next day tony confides to vonnegut that he is really starting to believe they are all part of something bigger.

The show ends with tony taking the before mentioned offer on the garbage issues, but Paulie still needs to take out revenge on the son because he is a mamma's boy. Paulie earlier in the show had pulled an adam morrison and broke down in tears when the barone kids mom came to plead with tony not to hurt her son, which tony gave her his word they would not do. Paulie then hits him in the knee and as the kid is crying why me? why me? (err or was that no tittied nancy kerrigan I am confused) and tells him he needs to kick up 4000 a month to Paulie now and to not tell tony what happened or else.