Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Hooked on rock 'n' roll phonics Pt. 2

Hey, remember me?
First of all, I’d like to urge you all to go out and buy as many copies of the new Myspace Records Vol. 1 album as you can, right now! If you like crying and thinking about girls who broke your heart, Dashboard Confessional is on there! If you like bands who used to be pretty rad, but have since lost every shred of dignity and credibility they ever had, Weezer is on there too! If you wanna hear 15 other bands that no one really cares about, there are 15 other bands on there that no one really cares about! I beg you! Go buy this and show Thom how appreciative we all are that he’s putting out an album consisting entirely of bands who got their start on myspace! Like Weezer!
Ok, let’s get down to the nitty gritty (dirt band.) This is the second installment of something I like to call “An Exercise in Musical Elitism” - er - “Hooked on Rock ‘n’ Roll Phonics,” where I alphabetize all the rock ‘n’ roll you SHOULD be listening to. This week: I – Q. Let’s get started...

First on the hit parade: Collection by The Illusion. You can’t find this song anywhere, unless it’s on an original pressing of their first and only album. I have it....and I bet you don’t! So, being the nice young gentleman that I am, I’m giving it to all of you! This song absolutely fucking TEARS! Like a Standells song! But with a weird, spacey bridge part.

Next on the hot line: Orbit Around the Moon by Joe Meek and the Blue Men. I know this should go in the M section, but there was another M band that I wanted to use and, damnit, Joe Meek fucking deserves to be on here. Joe Meek rules. This song sounds like crazy space-age Ennio Morricone! Go buy I Hear a New World (which is the album this song comes from) right now! Do it! Look how bad-ass he was!!

Turn the corner, and we have: (Further Reflections) In the Room of Percussion by Kaleidoscope. The UK Kaleidoscope. Who, by the way, were way better than the US Kaleidoscope. These guys knew their pop-psych! Jangly guitars all over the place! Thundering drums (obviously)! Vocal harmonies of awesomeness! Weird horn sqwaks which may or may not actually be coming from a guitar! And the lyrics! "my god, the spiders are everywhere."!?! "the crooked faces of clocks appear/and die in nightmare dreams/while juggling music surrounds us both/and turns our thoughts to screams."!?! Fucking trippy!!

Two blocks away, we find: All These Years by Lazy Smoke. Jesus, this guy’s voice sounds like John Lennon’s. This is what the Beatles’ Revolver would’ve sounded like had they recorded on cruddy instruments in a basement in Boston (that’s where the Lazy Smokers were from, you see.) Also, these guys sound a bit more foreboding than The Beatles ever did, what with all those minor-chord changes. And that solo’s a scorcher.

Hooked on a feeling: Complication by The Monks! This is not psych! This is gaRAGE! The Monks were a band comprised of ex-army fellows stationed in Germany during Vietnam. They actually had tonsure hair-cuts (that single huge bald spot at the top of the head) like REAL monks! And they had a friggin’ electric banjo! But played in a COOL, in a percussive “plonky” way. It doesn’t get much cooler than a plonky banjo.

Walk this way to: You Only Live Twice by Nancy Sinatra. Not psych or garage, but 60’s. Again, this should be in the S section, but I simply don’t give a rat’s patoot. This was the theme to the Bond movie of the same name....also, the main melody was ripped off for Robbie Williams’ hit “Millenium” which, (call me a “fag” if you must) I also have. Goddamnit, I’m sucker for that melody, alright?!?

Dart in your neck: Ave Gengis Khan by Os Mutantes. Brazilian tropicalia. This song swings like a mormon (hah!) Rooty-tooty electric piano? Check! Guitar solo straight from the Gods? Check! Backwards chanty voices? Check! Skull-crushing, maximum distortion, minor-key piano/guitar duel fade-out sequence? Double-fucking-check!

Miller High Life: Talkin’ About the Good Times by The Pretty Things. Crunchy acid guitar, mellotron breaks, (Where the hell did those things go?? They fucking rule! I want them back in my music!) vocal harmonies to die for, and a sitar-sounding thingy? All psych rock should sound like this. Full stop.

Fin(ish): Cry in the Night by Q’65. Another Nuggets II song. Sue me. It’s hard as shit to find bands that start with Q. Luckily, this is a damn fine song.

Well, that’s all for this volume of musical awesomeness. Keep your eyes peeled for Pt. 3 where I mud-wrestle Lou Reed to become the president of the planet Rock ‘n’ Roll! As Al Burgo would say, “Whaddya wanna suck my dick, or sumthin’? Thank you and have a nice day.”

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

We back with some banana red ya heard

Yeah yeah we took a long holiday we had to go on an overnight drunk and 10 days later (or how ever hell many days since our last post, fuck math I was English major thus why have a maddog habit) and 7 dead sharks later were back better than ever. That's right we are even more drunk and focused than ever. For our truimphant return I have brought along a little friend we call Maddog 2020 named Banana red. Banana Red reminds me of the new Cham albulm called Sound of Revenge because it is the banana red of the maddog world. Sure its a little rough and at times absolutely banging but in the end it leaves a little to be desired and its a little bit too fruity to be on the red grape level that is say project pat. I am saying whats with all the fucking singing. Is that nate dogg on every damn chorus, seriously I thought Cham was supposed to be the hardest motherfucker coming out of houston and half the albulm is ruined by singing. Hell don't forget what happens to rappers that sing they end up looking like this in a couple years.

Fuck singing, r and b is the smirnoff ice of the drink world and we all know smirnoff ice is for pussies. Overall if the albulm was just these tracks I would say it was on blumpkin level on the drunk focused rating scale but overall its more like a boney alligator. A boney alligator for y'all is a handjob, but where the chick uses some sort of pumice type handsoap as a lubricant, and she more or less just throws it around like a thrashing alligator. It's more or less for the pain fetish folks out there. But anyway here's the tracks that actually bump and get the maddog seal of approval

In the Trunk


Southern Takeover ft. Killer Mike and Pastor troy

No Snitchin

Next up we have the bun b mixtape by rapid ric called King of the trill. This shit did not leave my headphones all of thankgiving break. First off its Bun B who would be the king of the south if scarface ever handed over his title. But on a side note can we fucking finally free pimp c? I don't need every bun b song I hear telling me about this shit, yes I know you want free pimp c freed. Hell I want a blow job from every black girl in a dirty south video I see, and these are things you got to wait for.

Bun B over stay fly aka my answering machine message for my cell phone Fuck it this just inspired my first drunk and focused contest I will leave my cell phone number 603-289-7739 and anyone who leaves me a good away message will be featured on my next mixtape.

Bun B over some 80's track I think is Roxannae but me be too drunk to say for sure

Bun B over Real Motherphuckin G's Which leads to the question of come on whose more homo 50 in the above pic or dre on the cover of eazy e's diss albulm with a stethoscope and in makeup? This mixtape I definately recommend.

Lastly we have a wow I am high is this Higher Learning?

This movie thoroughly disapoints the myth you have of it at 13 years old. But luckily it does have Omar Epps in it. Which leads us to to the three songs Omar Epps get trill to.

Number one

Lil wayne - Recipt
Lets be honest Omar Epps love reciepts so he can guerrila pimp his girl and be like bitch I just bought you some oj, and the good kind the shit with pulp, yeah you damn right I deserve a blow job!

The Team - Go Patron
People love Omar Epps, I mean who wouldn't by this dude a drink? So here is a shoutout to all the fellow bar patrons who have bought Omar Epps a drink over the ages.

Biggie - Party and Bullshit
This last song is a shout our from Omar to Funwrecker for calling beat pervert out on playing Biggie at the Frozen Turkey showdown during a supposed rock set. I am saying that biggie song totally mixed into radiohead so the emo girls were not going anywhere.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I got frozen turkeys around my neck worth more than your house

What do you get when you combine Paul Wall's grill with this

You got it a Frozen Turkey.

Frozen Turkey is the thaksgiving jam I am throwing for my weekly tuesday scissor test and as a special thanksgiving day treat we got the truimphant return of Lemon Red from Brooklyn. You know frozen turkey like a turkey draped all up in diamonds (and plus its pre thanksgiving jam so most turkeys are still frozen, yeah thats right we be so focused were working on multiple levels) We also be playing all that hot shit from cough syrup hop, go dumb yay shit, b-more club, electro, rock and a whole hell of a lot more. And as some added gravy at 8 we have Who Killed the Red Baron playing live straight from there Eastern Europe tour. And for the dude justin groupies out there Who Killed the Red Baron features justin's band the antithesisters and few other characters. So come out to rock and then stick around to get all sweaty like a tukey on 3 fiddy in the oven.

Also look out for the dude with the whistle and white gloves the kids call him funwrecker I think

Monday, November 21, 2005

the weekend hangover presents Talib Kweli Hates White People

Here is the weekend wrap up for the masses. If you haven't noticed we are more drunk and focused than ever (I am saying there is nothing wrong with a maddog for breakfast, I think blackalicious taught me that before that got lame and neo soul(side note to a side note what the fuck is lamer than neo soul? Neo Soul is like goth music for black people, but that is only enjoyed by white hippies and frat kids)

First off for the record nerds should be hard as hell right now with that dude justin's first post. (what you think he was gonna come soft his first post huh, get the fuck off that bullshit, dude is schooling the masses on that pysche/garage rock) First off for the hangover we be on some party and bullshit shit ya heard. Thats right tomorrow my weekly Tuesday Scissor Test is jumping off with the truimphant return of Brooklyn's finest Lemon Red for a thanksgiving throwdown party called Frozen Turkey. (also suprise live performace early from dude justin and his posse! rock music yall) You know we got frozen turkeys draped around our neck thats worth more than your house. Thats right me and lemon red are providing you kids with the best in cough syrup hop, dip set pop, go dumb yay shit, b-more club (At least I am playing that lemon red hates watching out for the big girl (well he likes that song just not b-more in general), brazilian shit on blast, 80's music to get 30 year old jawns naked too, and everything from electro to pyche to dance rock for the suicide girls. Now as an added bonus I will put up shit you kids can dance to. All these blends were down with that dude Evaredy off our first mixtape from spring 2004 and a session we had in late spring 2005 (he's my mixtape podna and we'll be playing live together again soon enough, a side note new mixes will up as soon as my laptop decides it wants to record and not hate me, another side note some of these remixes(white people call them mash ups because they are retarded) were featured on somanyshrimp before but I don't gives a fuck)

lil flip - game over versus lil scrappy -head bussa

young bludz ft. young buck - datz me and mike jones - still tippin

" I hate crackers" dead prez - hip hop and lil wayne - go dj

Dre and Snoop - Next Episode and Kardinal Offinshall - Belly Dancer

G-unit - Stunt 101 and that bitch ass Phil Collins

Clipse - Whens the Last Time and Human League - Human

this is strictly for the nh white girls outkast - roses and usher - yeah

Trick daddy - luh da kids versus missy elliot - pass the dutch

This is or the heads that like zoolander its nas's baby mamma Kelis wit milkshake over "damn beat perverts is as handsome as male model for real I am not even gay, dude is just that good looking" Frankie Goes to Hollywood's -Relax

Last is a blend I think got me banned from a club. Basically what happened is they wanted me to do an underground hip hop night and not attract what people call the dead prez crowd (i.e. black people, what did I say that, I meant they wanted underground rap music you can't dance too so they wouldn't attract a hip hop crowd, wow I feel better clarifying that, don't fire me please I am broke) This song, plus the fact I was drunk as hell and figured dancing with a girl that worked there during my dj set was a good idea, (dj evaredy was handlin things at the time ) got me exiled from certain club why because evaredy had shit on lock and played this blend. But fuck that nore is good to dance to so I will give you the track and I don't care what mos def says ( side note dude stick to acting, the highlight of your career was when you were featured on big brother beat with de la and foolishly convinced me you were going be the best rapper out, yes I am bitter (anyone else notice the blackstar hating theme of this post?) Side note the club is named Dover Soul and if you ever in Dover, NH go there and say fuck you for not having Beat Pervert spin, that dumb white boy is broke and needs the extra money to buy records and weed and shit.

Nore versus Nore _ Superthug and nuttin

So yeah this tuesday we gonna being partying and bullshitting all night long ya head.

Lastly we leave you with some david banner shit, because banner can't do wrong,(anyone else catch him doing the bass test for adult swim? How much longer before doom is rapping over banner beats and every hipster in America is rocking out to Might Getcha?) Dude is that good. But when I heard he was doing a song with Talib Kweli and Dead Prez I was a little suspect. Not so much about dead prez because they are always good for some I hate whitey shit but talib scares me because its talib kweli. For those who don't know talib kweli is the white persons choice for music when they want something a little harder than the latest dave mathews band song. Secondly I don't think any black person actually owns a talib kweli albulm. His neo soul I preach I am smart rapper when I am not gimmick only works on dumb frat kids and hippie chicks. And honestly if that was my fanbase I would hate them too. Believe me I know white people, other than my great grandfather banging a whte chick (He's cherokee say wha HOooooooo!!!!! (yes he loved hacksaw jim duggan too) I have a lot of white pigment in my skin. Plus I grew up in the 603, the live free or die state for white folks. So if anybody should hate white folks its me (you don't understand how many times growing up I had to hear you like rap music? Ummm don't you know your pale skinned so go buy the new green day albulm.) And my response is fuck you Ice Cube( before he became a movie star(cough: fell off Cough) told me to hate you people (I miss old Ice Cube). So I guesse talib is trying to cash in being mentioned in a jay z track and actually attract an audience. But last time I checked black people don't like talib kweli.

Banner ft. dead prez and talib - Ridin

Also White people are now on blast for hackey sacks, sandals, and not being able to dance. You are like bears you need to be stopped.

Hooked on rock 'n' roll phonics Pt. 1

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Justin and I play bass for rock icons, The Antithesisters. (Look for us on myspace....self-promotion....wheeee!) I also play various instruments for about 17 other bands. All of which you will be seeing on MTV as soon as we get our shit together and sell out.
Now that I'm on a break from The Antithesisters' illustrious world-wide tour, I figured I'd drop by Drunk and Focused to bring you a hefty dose of 60's garage/psych music (I'm nothing if not a benevolent soul.) That's right! Psych rock awesomeness straight from my own private stash! In alphabetical order!! Because I know the alphabet! Mostly! This week: 13 - H. (Where I come from, 13 is the first letter.)

First up: Thru the Rhythm by 13th Floor Elevators. They had a fucking electric JUG player!! Do you realize how awesome that is?!? Best thing to ever come out of Texas, these guys.

Next: Hoy Todo el Hielo en la Ciudad by Almendra. Argentinian Beatlesy psych doesn't get any better than this. Christ....hardly ANY Beatlesy psych gets better than this! Not even The Beatles' Beatlesy psych!

Now this one: Hot Smoke and Sasafrass by Bubble Puppy. This song contains quite possibly the greatest guitar solo ever put to tape. Go ahead, prove me wrong! And just look at these fruits! There's no way a band can dress like that and NOT play kick-ass rock 'n' roll! This song rips!

After that previous one: Electricity by Captain Beefheart. One word: fucking theremin, bitches. Also, I heard somewhere that the Captian broke a few condenser mics recording the vocals for this song. It's THAT good!

And don't forget: The Madman Running Through the Fields by Dantalion's Chariot. Ok....I'm cheating and this one's on Nuggets II. Who cares?? It's a damn fine song! Stop yelling at me!

Coming soon to a theatre near you: Wind-up Toys by The Electric Prunes. Yeah, I know they have a pretty stupid name. They're good....believe me.

Nevermind the bollocks, here's: Mud in Your Eye by Fleur de Lys. Yes, this one's on Nuggets II, too. So what?? Is this YOUR post?? No! It isn't!

Stop in the name of: Com Medo, Com Pedro by Gal Costa. I realize that this should be under C, but work with me here. Gal Costa is the funky psych diva from those Os Mutantes fellows (which we'll get to later.) Dig that funky wah guitar.

Finally the finale (for now): Too Fortiche by Pierre Henry. This man is mostly known for his musique concrete pieces, but he put out a pretty rad electronicy, dancy psych album in the late 60's . This is from that album (duh.)

Well, I guess that wraps things up for now. The next installment will bring you artists such as: The Kinks! Motley Crue! and The Pretty Things! So, stay tuned.....and stay off the dope. Also, it was a pleasure meeting all of you...except you. Yes, you.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Tito Santana Surfs the Internet

Drunk and Focused know you people in cyberspace are lazy and want links so you don't have to do the work of searching for dumb shit like the joy that is looking at biker fox in spandex, so we are gonna make it easy for you with a little thing we call Tito Santana Surfs the Internet!

Tito Santana would like to say ARRIBBBAAAA!!!!

Tito's first link is to lemon red's site Lemon Red Here you can find a really nice mix from benzi and can download dj eleven' s houston rocks mixtape this mix even gets the koko b. ware seal of approval. Also of note lemon red is making his truimphant return to the tuesday scissor test next week djing with that beat pervert for a thanksgiving throwdown more on that in the coming days. ARRIBBBBAAA!!!!!!!

Next is Serg calling out all you lame opening acts for not stepping up your game and coming correct I hate opening Acts ARRIBBBAAA!!!!!!!

Delonte West is an animal on the court but dudes diary is a litle too tom cruise for my liking " Then I’m going to get a pair of the sunglasses that Dwayne Wayne wore in the show “A Different World” and visit ever state in the country on a moped wearing nothing but the ring, those sunglasses and a pair of Chuck Taylors with the inscription “What Would Jesus Do?” written on the sides. I’m serious!" Even Tito santana thinks his diary is a little suspect and that dude wore a matador's outfit, ain't that right tito.

Next we have jesus cussing in honor of delonte west. What it do jesus what it dotito santana stole the link from emynd so go visit his site here skitzophrenic tenant because he always comes correct. ARRRRIBBBAAAAA!!!!!

This post was written by beat pervert's weed carriers (you know the drunk and focused posse) tito santana and koko b. ware and ghostwritten by judy blume because beat pervert drank too much whisky last night

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Alex Rodriguez is a fucking Diva

I was talking to serg (you know of fame) the other night when I realized I had just asked him to listen to an r kelly song. When he replied to me do you know you just asked me to listen to fucking r kelly song an epiphany hit me: A Rod, this years supposed mvp (yes pussies are elegible) is the equivilant of r and b music. Yes the soft hand bullshit music enjoyed by white girls worldwide. Think about it the comparisions between the two are uncanny. Just like A Rod when an r and b dude fights he slaps. A Rod embarassed an entire NY Yankeees nation when he slapped at Bronson Arroyo in the ALCS proving you don't need Common Sense to see the bitch in him. I am surprised A Rod hasn't gouged out his own eye like Houston to show how sad he is to the world. I guesse when your the face of tiger beat magazine life is hard . A Rod should be the new member of B2k because he is that fucking soft. So in honor of the MVP Sham that everyone knows should have been won by David "guerilla pimpin" Ortiz we bring you some nancy boy softness. On a side note honestly this win by A Rod is like when mtv gives the hip hop video award to some sally like Sisqo because they don't want to upset those trl white girls by picking someone like ortiz whose the equivilant of bun b or the entire wu tang clan circa 93. In honor of bitches like A Rod worldwide we here at drunk and focused are gonna give you white girls the nancy boy of your dream, R Kelly and his unintentional comedy opus Trapped in the closet 6-12.

Chapter 6 (you must read all this chapter reviews like you were r kelly singing this song, yes r kelly singing this song, song, song) begins with R kelly and his wife who we will call A Rod laughing there ass off about their infidelity like they were watching a dave chappelle stand up. Apparently cheating on each other is as hillarious as nick cannon. Then the cop who is Omar from the wire comes in with his gun like what? Then r and the cop start to struggle and they struggle and the next thing you know bullets are fired which leads to
chapter 6

Chapter 7 where we find out toine (who is a rod's brother who just go out of jail) has been shot. He starts coughing and we realize it just a flesh wound, yes just a flesh wound. Then someone's banging at the door, yes banging at the door. The girl at the door is there with a spatula, yes with a spatula. It turns out to be rosy the noisy neighbor, yes with a spatula in her hand.
Chapter 7

Chapter 8 the cop drives home. (This is also when R Kelly brings out a horrible female southern accent which I thank him for). The cop gets home and he see's his wife and she is all jittery and she is like maybe its the time of the month and he's like maybe and I am gonna heat up some chicken. Then he's like what you got up you sleeve women I told you not pay that lock ness monster tree fiddy and he's thinking someone else is up in his home.
Chapter 8

Chapter 9 the cop starts looking around the kitchen. He hears something in the kitchen (yes in the kitchen!) Then he looks at the cabinet, yes in the cabinet, yeah I said in the cabinet, no I am not kidding about the cabinet, he finds a midget in the cabinet, yes a midget, midget, midget...
Chapter 9

Chapter 10 starts with king kong bundy fighting a midget in the wwf, yes king kong bundy is fighting a midget. Then the midget shits himself, yes the midget shit himself. Then the cops wife tells the cop I love this midget. Then the midget takes his inhaler out and says this ain't good for me heart and faints Then toine comes in the house and is like whats the smell?
Chapter 10

Chapter 11 Then the midget wakes up and r kelly is like why do you look familar. And toine is like who broke wind cause he didn't know the midget shit his pants, and no they don't know the midget shit his pants. Then the cops wife is like the midget is named big man because he is blessed and yes he is a stripper, yes a stripper. Then the cops wife is like there is something I gotta to tell you. I been sleeping with big man and he's my baby's daddy, yes my baby's daddy, daddy, daddy, and the midget with shit in his draws faints again.
Chapter 11

Chapter 12 we return to cathy's house (yes were everything started, yes cathy is the girl r kelly fist cheated on, yes cheated on). Then Rufus(the gay lover of the priest who is married to cathy) is like skank, whore, bitch try it to cathy. Then they start to argue and the phone is ringing, yes I said the phone is ringing, yes the phone is ringing, did I tell anyone the phone is ringing, yes the phone is ringing. Then cathy answers the phone and its A Rod on the phone, yes R Kelly's women. And A Rod's wife is like remember that cop and then she goes into the whole traped in the closet saga and ends with remember that crusty wigged ho. And she is like yeah and A Rod is like I am the crusty wigged ho, ho, ho.
Chapter 12

R kelly is living the american dream no where else can you piss on a 15 year old and then produce the greatest opus of music known to men. We at drunk and focused salute you r kelly for making us feel less creepy for liking woody allen movies or enjoying the music of jerry lee lewis.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Who got Joey Potter Pregnant?

Alot of you must be wondering (and by a lot I mean our loyal three readers) why the hell is drunk and focused so slow at posting new shit? And you would be right to ask that and our response is to shut the fuck up and sit down. the drunk and focused posse have been on a mission this last week and this mission is to find out the mystery that is who knocked up joey potter because it sure as hell wasn't that frodo looking motherfucker tom cruise. Seriously watch top gun again and tell me does tom cruise look like a guy who digs chicks? We all know tom cruise digs dudes (not that there's anything wrong with that and just saying joey potter is his "beard" ) So we have narrowed it down to the two obvious choices you got it Pacey Whitter and Dawson Leary.

First we'll examine the dawson leary connection. First james van der beek looks just like dj mayonaisse (you know of 1200 hobo and anticon fame that now lives in the fredo of New England Maine). Alot of people think Dawson is just a pussy. And although he does have pussy tendancies he proved he could be a bad ass in rules of attraction. I am saying make him a drug dealer who loves jack ( daniels not gay Jack from the creek) and fucks jessica biel from 7th heaven and you have a whole new respect for Mr. Leery. You see dawson could fuck joey no problem because they have that whole bullshit soul mate routine down. And beleive me the only thing that Joey Potter loves more than soul mates is free publicity. So here's my scenario joey and dawson were hanging out together one fateful night thinking wouldn't it be great to watch a bunch of steven spielberg movies. And dawson was like heck yeah that would be neat. So one things leads to another and the next thing you know ET is driving by on a bike and dawson is riding joey Potter screaming but my dad died you have to fuck me. A couple minutes later Joey has a dawson inside her. Dawson then smartly makes some excuse about having to go see grams in the morning to give her a dye job( who had worst hair then the frankenstien look that grams used to rock on the creek?) and bounces only to have katie holmes visit Tom Cruise to find him in a threesome with Eddie Murphy and Johnny Gil.

Next scenario Pacey is complaining that everyone keeps calling him the emilio estavez of the creek and quacking at him. Every day a group of people will quack at him saying ducks rule and dawson would kick your ass. So he is crying one night telling joey how they used to be together and pulling the old bf routine and Joey was like hell I showed my titties to to that talk soup guy once, why don't you stare at these puppies to cheer you up. Pacey is like fuck yeah and two minutes later they are going through all the sexual positions including the blumpkin, the cheery cheery sunday. the fizzle fizzle pop pop, and even the tiger through a crane on a ladder with Eddie Winslow cheering them on. Then Pacey screamed at skeet skeet and busted on her face ( side note remember to keep searching the internet for Pacey's new straight to video movie entitled The Mighty Ducks Late Night Adventure: Skeet Skeet the chase of the legacy of Emilio). And of course Pacey banged her a few more times and every time be busted he shouted out EMILIOOOOOOOOO. Lets just say it was wierd for everyone involved including Emilio, who is now Joey Potter's butler (think about whens the last time he had work? I am pretty sure Men at Work come out over a decade ago, garbage men who'd thunk it be so entertaining its just like Nick Cannon its HILLARIOUS)

Couple other possible fathers: Jack from the creek, sure he might be what the internet calls "teh gay" but lets remember he did steal her from dawson orginally and even got the tile to paint him in the nude. Plus she has a history of loving gay dudes it would only make sense for her to get knocked up by one thats not named tom cruise.

Beat Pervert: Yes it might be a long shot but honestly I am fucking handsome and my sperm is super. My idea is that my sperm escaped from my girls vagina took a b line, hitchiked to california, slapped tom cruise in the face (yes he did ask for more) and then snuck into joey potter's vagina and impregnated her like she was mary from the bible. yes my sperm is that potent, and yes thats why I smoke so much pot too. If I didn't there would be at least 13 beat pervert bastards running around.

Chris Klein: Who Gives a fuck about chris klein NEXT

Tom Cruise: Honestly does anyone thing frodo got Joey Potter Pregnant? thats about likely as jen from Dawsons Creek not being a total whore.

So there you have it and my official response is that I got Joey Potter pregnant. Now onto why all you fools came the mp3s

these two mp3s are about the dawsonscreek love triangle
Sage francis - rewrite

Sage Francis - Threewrite

This next mps is about what you got to do if you believe tom cruise ain't gay, yes you need to go dumb
Go Dumb

The last is house music and I don't know why its in this post
sebastian telleier

Friday, November 04, 2005

Next is Richards Wild irish Rose

If Wild Irish Rose was an mtv show it would be Next. Yes Next the horrible yet fucking great dating show on mtv. I am positive the producers of this show do this as an eloborate trick to see how much they can show what complete jackasses these kids are, and yes I am talking about my g-gg--gg-ggg eneration (fuck you roger daltry and your goddamn stutter, you even probaly even have a special handicapped parking space and can shit in the handicapped persons stall because your just ta-ttt-ttt-alking about toodday junior). its almost as great as date my mom where girls whore off their mother to win a staged date with some douchebag, hell I read on the internet one mom even gave a dude a blumpkin to date her daughter, just saying what I heard. So we are saying next to maddog on this post and bringing in the irish wild rose for five songs.

First we have keak da sneak featuring turf talk in a track called 3 Freaks. This shit is what them bay kids call hyphy, I used that slang around my way and motherfuckers think I am using slang for a hyphenation. I am saying this shit is straight fresh, hell I'd get stoopid to this track. And for you nerds out there that hate to dance dj shadow produced the track so you can like it without losing your nerd cred.
Keak da Sneak - 3 freaks

Next up is a track the drunk and focused posse are really feeling these days when they are not sober, ie after a bottle of Irish Rose.
lil wayne - fireman

Whats better than geting drunk and dancing to the sweet dreams song?(minus the whole if I think annie lennox is hot does that make me think david bowie is hot train of thought) Dancing to the sweet dreams song while david banner and lil flip rap over it. I play this alot when I dj out to make yuppies feel uncomfortable. They usually have the jason bateman pyshco face on by the end of the song or they are too drunk to realize annie lexxon wasn't just rapping about how that other dude in the band doesn't have her money which she is all about.
david banner and lil flip - bout our money

Next is a merangue mix of Lil jon's get low. Hey blaime all these choices on WIld Irish Rose and Judy Blume.
lil jon - Get Low(merangue remix)

Last is for my emo girls. Hey dude if your emo your considered a girl, so yes "Hey emo girls" includes all sexes. Here is the Smiths' Charming Man. If this was a next episode this would be the kind of ugly emo girl who despises mtv yet would still do anything to be on it (think about this Real World's Lacey as an example) only to be nexted in the first minute would listen to. Also as a side note this will impress the average suicide girl, so emo dudes get your download on and you might even get laid this weekend.
smiths- charming man

And here's a special bonus track to tie this whole post together for those who got the roger daltry curb your enthusasim reference
low budget- crazy eyes killah

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Just a little halloween hangover

Now that the holidays are over (y'all didn't forget about Saints day yesterday did ya?) we at drunk and focused can return to this robot world to satisfy your niche music needs. Since its november we gonna start it off a little different, different good not different bad like when PMD went solo on the g-funk tip, and give you some links to find some quality music and the orgins of white people embracing rump shaking music.

First up is a very dope mix from Cosmo Baker and Peanutbutter Wolf from the 5 Year Aniversary Party of the Remedy in Philly. Definately a quality mix from the two of the best djs in the game
Cosmo Baker and Peanutbutterwolf live 5/27/02

Next is a little story about the greatness that is Biker Fox. Biker fox wants everyone to know this golden opportunity that you've been given on this Earth only comes around once in a lifetime. There are no second takes, second chances, so please understand this life is about you and the mark that you will make on the rest of the world. Oh and guys, this life is all about the girls so if you are having trouble communicating with these cute little creatures, pick up Dr. Phil's book and do exactly what you are told and everything will be just fine. Behind every superstar and leader, there's a person whom has made this leader a winner. Not to mention biker fox can shake his ass.

Bikerfox in the late 80's orginated the rump shaker. Yes wreck n effex bit their whole style fron biker fox, dude is a dancing animal
Biker Rump Shaker

Biker was also in the orginal video for mack 10 lookalike sir mix alots video for baby got back.
BikerGot back

Sir mix alot even said he bit his whole style from biker fox and biker fox was the american version of canadian rap icon maestro fresh wes but for the white rump shaking syndicate. Sir Mix A lot also said to buy his new ringtone cause he is fucking broke after spending all his royalties on giant plastic asses.

Biker Fox also killed a bear in Maine and just two weeks ago one punched the dj of the kill whitey parties for being a complete douchebag. And like thirstin howl III he still lives with his mom.
I still live with my moms