Friday, October 26, 2007

Watch Madsen's Feet: Part 2 of Superstar Matt Bonner's annual NBA preview

Western Conference

Golden State Warriors - I like Baron Davis, but his balk is bulky, the team got hot and peaked last year in the playoffs, yet still lost, and the team that returns this year is not as good as they were last year after trading away Jason Richardson.

L.A. Clippers - When the old man Sam Cassel is your top player, and both Sean Livingston, and Elton Brand are injured, you probably realize that is your fate, since you are a Clippers fan. They are kinda like rooting for "the genius" Lanny Poffo, instead of his big brother Randy " the macho man" Savage.

L.A. Lakers - I like Kobe “Not the true Mamba” Bryant because he is like a rich man’s Stephon Marbury. One week he is demanding a trade, then he is not, now out of the blue comes Jerry Bus to tell the world Kobe is touchable for the right offer, and now it looks he is going to be trade again, and I even heard if the Lakers are willing to throw in two future first rounders, and probaly Luke Walton, that the Spurs would consider trading me for Bryant, even though for the Spurs this would be a horrible blow to the fanbase who truly love Matt "the real Black Mamba" Bonner, (the real is like when some celbrity has a myspace and puts real in fron of there name to tell the world that its really them) Its ohh so confusing in L.A.,(not to mention the confusion between if I should stick with myspace or jump ship to facebook so I can keep in touch with all the bonner-maniacs) and Andrew Bynum is still waiting for an apology from the fake Mamba. And if I was young Bynum I would not hold my breathe, or any chance of playing if I get traded to the Lakers.

Phoenix Suns- I read someone’s review that claimed they should let go of Sean Marion now because they are so deep, and it made me realize how dumb most people are. Sure Marion said some pretty dumb things in the off-season, starting with the notion he’d rather be Joe Johnson on the Hawks, a guy with great stats on a shitty team, than Sean Marion on the suns, a guy whose the glue to what possible could be the best team in the NBA. Sure Marion demanded a trade but that is just the diva in him, and like Vince Carter before him, regardless of his diva tendencies he can also ball, and is the Sun’s best defender. The Sun’s need Marion if they are going to win a championship this year, which they are not.

Dallas Mavericks - I like this team, and its pretty much the same squad from last year. Yep that same squad who lost in the first round. Maybe David Hasselhoff falling off the wagon impacted Dirk last year in the playoffs in a way no American can truly understand.

Sacramento Kings - When people say that the tattoo culture is dead they probably look at Mike Bibby’s tattoos as proof. Theme of death will be a good metaphor for the playoff chances of the Kings this year. At least the Maloof brothers have the Real World Suite in Vegas to fall back on.

Houston Rockets - You ever see Rush Hour with Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. Well the Houston Rockets are about to have Rush Hour 3 type success this year.

Memphis Grizzlies - Kyle Korver is the only guy in the NBA that can make Mike Miller seem tough. The Grizzlies are only going to go as far as Paul Gasol’s beard will take them.

New Orleans Hornets - If you are wondering this is what the Kings would have looked like had they replaced Bibby with Chris Paul, and kept Peja Stockivich and Bobby Jackson. At least for Kings fans the Hornets are going to be bad too.

San Antonio Spurs - We return the same team as last year, and if we win another tile I am making a rap albulm with Tony Parker, Mc solaar, and Guru all in French. I am not kidding I spit hot fire, no rapper better than bonner other than DyLan from making da band.

Denver Nuggets - The truth plus Carmelo equal mile high times. And no that was not a drug reference.

Minnesota Timberwolves - Are you sure Kevin McHale is not still secretly working for the Celtics. And at least they just got Antoine Walker in a draft and sent away dead beat blount. And in the next five years if Ricky Davis does not stab someone he will be the first player ever traded to every team in the NBA

Portland Trailblazers - Remember when the first pick of the draft seemed like a blessing?

Seattle Super Sonics - Kevin Durant is going to break the heart of every Trailblazer fan this year. Too bad the Super Sonics are going to be bad enough to break the heart of every Sonic fan though.

Utah Jazz - Mormons, Sloan, and Euro crybabies who look like the Russian from Rocky. The Jazz are going to be as good as they were last year.

1. San Antonio Spurs - Like Ric Flair always said to be the man, whooooo, you got to beat the man.
2. Phoenix Suns - They are still the best team in the NBA that are not the Spurs.
3. Dallas Mavericks - What’s the likelihood the Mavericks loose twice in the first round? Is it on par with Mark Cuban actually winning Dancing with the Stars? (and by the way jsut like cuban lost 30 pounds dancing the Mavericks will lose by thirty to the greatest team in the world, the San Antonio SPurs)
4. Houston Rockets - I guess Houston is a perfect fit for Rick Adelman, a team just not good enough to be at the championship level.
5. Utah Jazz - Do you think if Stephon Marbury played for Utah he would have multiple wives like he was Bill Hendrickson from HBO’s “Big Love.”
6. L.A. Lakers - This is if Kobe doesn't get traded
7. Denver Nuggets - Practice…we’re talking about practice.
8. New Orleans Hornets - Ummm call this the "Wire" pick, last season starts in January, and Bonner can't wait to see what hijinx Omar gets into this year

Predecition Spurs in four over the Pistons

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