Thursday, January 22, 2009

Dear Bonner: Jacking your Advice

Bonner Is back with some actual good advice. I am going to stop jacking advice one day but all I get now from emails from the drunk and focused faithful is fan letters on some groupie love shit( sorry gals, and that one dude named E something I am a married man) and of course people just commenting on how tough I am. Yes we all know Matt Bonner is a tough dude. If I was a video game I would be one of them bad dudes but a more extreme tougher version. But you the mail is flattering but it still makes a need for me to jack your shit Abby. So here I am with the biggest column on drunk and focused and the internet as a whole. Tim Duncan sent me a thank you note for this column. So with Tim on my mind and advice on my heart here we get to jacking.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl, and I'm pretty popular in my high school. I'm blessed to have several close friends, and we always have a great time together. My grades are good, and I get along well with my mom, dad and little brother. So what's the problem, you're probably wondering.

I had an argument with my girlfriend "Amber" recently. It was over a "guy issue." I won't go into details because we did end up working it out, but Amber said something during the blowup that has me worried. She said that sometimes my anger gets out of control and concerns her. Two other girls who were with us at the time agreed with her. That floored me.

Abby, this is the first time I've heard about this. I mean, Mom sometimes calls me "Tammy Temper" -- and has accused me of "throwing fits." But my friends never called me on it. In the fight with Amber, she said my fists were clenched and she was afraid I might hit her. (I didn't think so.)

I don't want to scare people. I value my friends. I look forward to going to college and making new friends and having new experiences. I don't want to have a reputation as a hothead. Can you help me? -- "TAMMY TEMPER" IN HARRISBURG, PA.

DEAR "TAMMY": Anger is a normal human emotion. Everyone experiences anger at one time or another. When primitive humans encountered a threat, they would react instinctively with either fear or anger, which gave them a jolt of adrenaline enabling them to fight or escape. It was a survival mechanism.

Infants show frustration by beating their heads against the side of their cribs, screaming or holding their breath until they turn red. Young children throw tantrums, yelling, kicking or hitting. But as we grow older, we learn to recognize what is upsetting us BEFORE we react, and learn to handle the emotion in acceptable ways.

My booklet "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It" contains techniques for handling anger effectively and constructively. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in this price.

Anger is an important subject. While many people have been taught from early childhood to suppress it, it is also important to learn how to express it appropriately. Admitting our anger verbally is one way. It's like releasing steam from a pressure cooker, which is both appropriate and healthy. Mature adults express emotions without "throwing fits" or making bullying gestures. Because your mother calls you "Tammy Temper" and your friends are voicing concern, the time has come for you to take control.

Abby you ignant slut how the fuck you can to use this column to promote your wack ass book. Even giving all the info out to hawk your tired ass drivel from stupid ass book about the anger inside us all. Now what makes me angry Abby is that ain't even your real name. Hell I like my name so much I use it often in the third person to refer to myself, and I don't hide behind some bitch ass fake aristocratic, maybe some rich guy will be fooled and marry me horseshit like Abigail Buchanon. Yo "Tranny Temper" just channel that anger and just beat a bitches ass once and awhile. You are popular and people will now fear and respect you too once you give some unsuspecting victim a savage beatdown. Hell I once beat up a teacher in junior high for failing to give me proper respect by not calling me sir. Some people don't learn unless you use violence. And that goes for you Gump Ass Garnett. Next time I am going to go all Tranny Temper on your ass.

DEAR ABBY: When saying the Pledge of Allegiance, should you put your left hand at your side or behind your back? -- WONDERING IN NEW YORK

DEAR WONDERING: I was taught that your left hand should be at your side.

Yo as usual Abby is wrong, and ideally you put that shit on the ass of a hot a cheerleader thats been giving you eyes all during warm-ups. Thats what Bonner does and keeps my shooting hand warm for making it rain all night.

DEAR ABBY: After many years of being single, I met a woman I'll call "Trish" on a blind date. We're both in our late 40s, and we hit it off. We have many things in common.

One night I was at her place when she received a phone call. Trish made it short and sweet and hung up. A few minutes later, I asked who it was, and she told me it was her boss. Abby, I know how she answers the phone when it's her boss -- and it wasn't him. When I said, "That was NOT your boss," she admitted it was one of her boss's clients, but said nothing was going on between them.

When I first met Trish, she mentioned that a client had come in one day, had wine and cheese, then leaned over and kissed her. It's the same guy that called -- and he's married.

I am very hurt. We have both been cheated on. I don't think she has cheated, but she lied to my face. My first instinct is to dump her, but I love her. What should I do? -- HURT IN VERMONT

DEAR HURT: Are you and Trish in a committed relationship? If not, you had no right to question her about who was calling.

That said, a person who would lie to you once would lie to you twice. Listen to your gut. She may not be having a physical affair, but something is going on or she wouldn't have tried to mislead you about who was on the phone.

Yo Hurt get yo girl in check. Dude stop being a bitch. This girl is playing you. She is going to fuck this client, get hurt, and then crawl back to you. And you know why because you are going to let it happen if you take old battle axe abby's advice. My advice get rid of this girl. Because you better be ready big boy this girl probably has a big posse.

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