I need to get this off my chest because its been bugging me since it's been announced but how the hell did I not win the MVP this year? This is a travesty, and to add insult to injury I didn't even receive one vote. You know who also didn't receive one vote? Yep, that Gump Ass Garnett. Now are the reporters trying to say I am on the same level as Kevin Garnett? Me, Matt Bonner, the White Bill Laimbeer, the red rocket with a stroke so sweet Ray Allen asks me for shooting tips, and not to mention arguably the toughest NBA player in history. And these reporters have the audacity to say Garnett is on my level. Why don't you just put a battery acid on my nuts while you're at because that's basically what your doing by implying this Garnett is on my level nonsense. Garnett is old, washed up, and no where near as cool as I am. Hell, I even have video proof of this.
Yep just another one of the billion upon billion Bonner-maniacs
You think people make Youtube videos of Kevin Garnett proclaiming him the coolest Celtic? Heck no becausewe all know the coolest Celtic is Brian Scalibrine.
Look at Scal give it to the media. This is why I keep telling Pop and his beard to bring him to San Antonio in via trade so we can start the best duo in the NBA called the Ginger Express of Doom. Think the Midnight Express crossed with the Road Warriors, but more high flying and powerful.
But back to the topic at hand and why I should be MVP and here are five reasons that prove my case without a doubt
1. I am Matt Bonner Reasons 2 through 5 look above. I am Matt Fucking Bonner.
What more reasons could you need? So Lebron enjoy your tainted MVP reign this year cause whatcha gonna do brother next season when Matt Bonner and the billions of Bonner-maniacs come crashing down on you.
This is actually more disco than house but it's dope. It's D Train's 1982 track "Keep On." I wanted to drop this track because I just watched Notorious last night and this is one of the sample used in Biggie's "Sky is The Limit."
dope video directed by Spike Jonez to boot
Plus this is a good track to get older black ladies going crazy at the club and not to mention the french. The french love d train.
We no longer jack for advice because they local drunk and focused faithful came through with their own advice questions for NBA superstar Matt Bonner. And yes these are all real questions sent to Matt Bonner.
Dear Bonner,A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I have never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they can be Lebanese?signed,A concerned neighbor Dear concerned....errr Miss California,
First things first you'se a meddlesome bitch. Let me guess you spend all day in your house coat, its probaly got a flower design or some shit, listening to R Kelly's "I Believe I can fly" on loop, while staring out your peephole to see what your neighbors are up to. I am saying somebody is trapped in the closest and it might not just be your social working, gym class teaching, must be scissoring it out neighbors. So basically you almost a big an idiot as that wench from California. Advice Edit :Ooops perv told me to read the message again and turns out she wants to know if they are Lebanese. How the fuck am I supposed to know if they are Lebanese? This is the worst mailbag ever who the hell reads this site. I am in the NBA I don't need this shit. You don't see Tim Duncan doing this. I need a new agent.
Dear Bonner,What can I do about all the sex, nudity, fowl language, and violence on my DVR?
Ummmm, two options: A: Stop being a pussy B: Don't dvr that shit.
Who the hell reads this site? Did b2 the baptist's brief stint writing here bring out all the idiots of the Flock? I am embarassed for these questions. Serial I am quitting. THis next question better not suck.
Dear Bonner,I have a man I can't trust. He cheat's so much I am not even sure the baby I am carrying is his. Just call Maury already and lets watch your man do the dance
I googled Rap to see what images came up and lo and behold this cartoon above was one of the top results and I have only one question what the fuck? This is like a High Times Family Circus. Where's the punchline? Is this a covert Jesus ad? Why is the stoner wearing a t-shirt that says rap? Is it ironic or is the illustrator trying to tell us this Andy Samberg looking motherfuckiing loves rap music?
I am confused. Poseidon look at me!
ummm Rap music? Gang Starr - I'm the Man and next is one of my personal favorite Gang Starr songs probably because this 12" never left my record bag (well before serato that is) Gang Starr - Mass Appeal
I am sure y'all heard Manu is out for the season after flopping errr messing up his ankle. Don't worry Bonnermaniacs that just means more three pointers for the red rocket to take and make as the Spurs take out Black Mamba and the rest of the west. So I was going to dedicate this kid cudi versus crookers via rusko remix of day n nite to Manu because he was one of them Italians and then beat perv informed me dude was from Argentina. What the hell no wonder he never seemed that enthusiastic whenever I invited him over for some spagett and meat balls. Kid Cudi versus Crookers - Day n Nite (Rusko Remix)(Bonner jacked this track from a dope blog You Can Call Me Pelski which I accidently found when I was looking for red sox legend Jonny Pesky's site. Yes I was drunk while searching.) Shout out to the Pesky Pole!
Dude so I get a call from perv last night being like blah blah blah drunk and focused, blah blah you sold out, blah blah blah send more groupies my way, ehh fuck that dude. But he did send me the complete set of Ernest movies on Blue Ray so I am back at Drunk and Focused wondering what went wrong in my life. So y'all probably want some advice cause Bonner so smart, so rich, and get so many ho's ( and I don't even take them out for dinner I give them a few bucks and tell that ho she can go grocery shopping). So here it is the return of jacking your advice
Dear Amy: I've been married to my husband for 16 years, and we have two beautiful children. He has always been a good provider and father.
Five years ago we purchased a computer for the children to use for school.
My husband has been using the computer for his recreational use. He plays a lot of online poker for fun and looks at porn.
I have told him of my concern and dismay at his porn viewing. He told me not to worry because he would never go to a chat room or try to hook up with anyone. Lately I've found some nasty messages from women on a sex 24/7 Web cam site in our spam in-box. This wouldn't concern me, but the messages said these women have seen his contact information and are inviting him to their sites.
Some of the messages said, "I only live six miles from you; contact me, and maybe we can hook up."I have always trusted my husband, but this has really shaken me up. Do you call this emotional infidelity? Am I making something out of nothing? I'm not sure if I should talk to him about this. I dearly love my husband and treasure our life and the family we've made together.I'm tempted to cancel our Internet connection, but that would also prevent our children from doing their research for school. I don't want this to ruin us. —Heartsick
Dear Heartsick: It doesn't sound as if you are making something out of nothing—it sounds as if you are making too little out of something.Emotional infidelity is when a person becomes emotionally involved with someone else while excluding his or her partner. From what you say, it doesn't sound as if your husband is involved with these women (the messages in your in-box might be uninvited spam brought on by his porn habit).Even after the issue of emotional infidelity is dealt with, there is still the question of his choice to bring porn into your home. If your husband is visiting sites with Web cams and if you have a Web cam at home, your children could be lured into using it. This is a worst-case scenario, but a possibility. Carefully monitor this situation. If you and he have a good relationship and a treasured life together, then you should do everything you can to work this out with him so you feel respected, your children are safe and your husband's recreational needs are met in a way that doesn't affect others in the
household.
Now here is the real Bonner talk. Your husband likes to wait till you are asleep and have cam sex with random females. He also probably has a lot of pics of his dick he sends out, and if he has any nudies of you probably sends those around, and could possible be even freaky enough to pretend he's you and talk to lesbians and or other dudes, like that guy that went to prison for pretending to be his ex wife and sending dudes naked pics of her. What I can tell you girl the internet is a sick place. My only advice start a cam whore business and lure him to your site, then yell GOTCHA. A healthy marriage hinges on you being able to catch him with his dick out.
RECENT DIVORCEE IS UNHINGED BY MEN'S ROMANTIC REJECTION
DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old, attractive, recently divorced attorney and single mother. My problem is I become extremely threatened when I'm romantically rejected, and I need to know how to gain a healthier approach to rejection.
I have dated occasionally, but nothing has developed into anything serious because I have yet to find someone with whom I feel completely compatible. However, when I start dating someone and he doesn't feel the same, it negatively affects my self-esteem. I feel and act depressed, and then I begin feeling insecure, anxious and irrational.
I recently drove someone away because when he didn't call me one night, I went wild with anger and anxiety. I realize this heightened response is not normal. It is also quite painful. Frankly, the intensity of my feelings frightened me, and I'm at a loss about how to handle it.
How can I get over feeling so insecure in relationships so rejection won't damage and disrupt my sense of self? -- DISCOMBOBULATED IN BROOKLYN
DEAR DISCOMBOBULATED: May I remind you that the process of dating is like sifting for gold for everyone involved. It can take a lot of effort and sifting before you finally strike the mother lode. When it comes to dating, I know of few things that are more of a turn-off than a woman -- or a man -- who has the word "needy" stamped on her (or his) forehead.
If you felt good about yourself, you would not be so dependent upon these men for validation. Your intense, angry and anxious reactions when a man doesn't call may be related to your divorce -- or they may stem from earlier insecurities you brought into your marriage. Unless you develop confidence about your self-worth, your relationships with men won't change.
I used to love this Ahmad song back in the day when I got free radio promos from my brother, girls wore biker shorts, and the only thing I had to worry about was homework. But I am older now and I still like girls in biker shorts, ideally gyrating to this song dj fatman - back in the day
Yo I know what the fuck is going on? The loyal drunk and focused readers have been irate. Where is perv? Why is Bonner just concentrating on basketball and not love advice. Why is Evaredy just worried about running NH in Perv's absence(side note I still run NH) instead of posting soul and rap tracks. WHy the fuck hasn't drunk and focused been updated in months. Well your boy perv has a lame excuse I moved out to Denver for a few month bid to write one of them books. Them redheads I don't know? I think they went out on strike or some shit. Anyway the god has returned and drunk and focused is back, and be on the lookout for the new Freakout mix which is done and will be dropping in the next few days. Think pysch/kraut rock, scissor test bands, good ol fashioned rap music, and that sabbath metal. Ummm I kill it, and its worth the wait.
So what have I been up you wondering? Well I look at mountains, write, hang out with my niece, be fly, wear designer suits, and fist fight walrus and coyotes. You know the deal. Plus I listen to a lot of rap music. So here is a rap post.
First up is EPMD and that famous loop that makes damn near any rapper sound good epmd - it'a my thing Next is Mad Lion rapping over the same loop mAD lion - body and shape Next is Jay Z not rapping over that same loop. Yep a drunk and focused curve ball and instead of ain't no nuh, we get "It's Allright" one one of my favorite Jay Z song and what up talking heads! Jay Z - It's Allright Last is some jungle brothers for those belly dancing girls out here who love them west coast syths and a diva shout out to Jay Cutler Jungle Brothers - Belly Dancing Diva
And oh yeah fuck Jay Cutler and his lesbian hair wearing diva ass. You ain't John Elway, ya heard. Let me repeat you ain't John Elway.
Bonner Is back with some actual good advice. I am going to stop jacking advice one day but all I get now from emails from the drunk and focused faithful is fan letters on some groupie love shit( sorry gals, and that one dude named E something I am a married man) and of course people just commenting on how tough I am. Yes we all know Matt Bonner is a tough dude. If I was a video game I would be one of them bad dudes but a more extreme tougher version.But you the mail is flattering but it still makes a need for me to jack your shit Abby. So here I am with the biggest column on drunk and focused and the internet as a whole. Tim Duncan sent me a thank you note for this column. So with Tim on my mind and advice on my heart here we get to jacking.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl, and I'm pretty popular in my high school. I'm blessed to have several close friends, and we always have a great time together. My grades are good, and I get along well with my mom, dad and little brother. So what's the problem, you're probably wondering.
I had an argument with my girlfriend "Amber" recently. It was over a "guy issue." I won't go into details because we did end up working it out, but Amber said something during the blowup that has me worried. She said that sometimes my anger gets out of control and concerns her. Two other girls who were with us at the time agreed with her. That floored me.
Abby, this is the first time I've heard about this. I mean, Mom sometimes calls me "Tammy Temper" -- and has accused me of "throwing fits." But my friends never called me on it. In the fight with Amber, she said my fists were clenched and she was afraid I might hit her. (I didn't think so.)
I don't want to scare people. I value my friends. I look forward to going to college and making new friends and having new experiences. I don't want to have a reputation as a hothead. Can you help me? -- "TAMMY TEMPER" IN HARRISBURG, PA.
DEAR "TAMMY": Anger is a normal human emotion. Everyone experiences anger at one time or another. When primitive humans encountered a threat, they would react instinctively with either fear or anger, which gave them a jolt of adrenaline enabling them to fight or escape. It was a survival mechanism.
Infants show frustration by beating their heads against the side of their cribs, screaming or holding their breath until they turn red. Young children throw tantrums, yelling, kicking or hitting. But as we grow older, we learn to recognize what is upsetting us BEFORE we react, and learn to handle the emotion in acceptable ways.
My booklet "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It" contains techniques for handling anger effectively and constructively. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in this price.
Anger is an important subject. While many people have been taught from early childhood to suppress it, it is also important to learn how to express it appropriately. Admitting our anger verbally is one way. It's like releasing steam from a pressure cooker, which is both appropriate and healthy. Mature adults express emotions without "throwing fits" or making bullying gestures. Because your mother calls you "Tammy Temper" and your friends are voicing concern, the time has come for you to take control.
Abby you ignant slut how the fuck you can to use this column to promote your wack ass book. Even giving all the info out to hawk your tired ass drivel from stupid ass book about the anger inside us all. Now what makes me angry Abby is that ain't even your real name. Hell I like my name so much I use it often in the third person to refer to myself, and I don't hide behind some bitch ass fake aristocratic, maybe some rich guy will be fooled and marry me horseshit like Abigail Buchanon. Yo "Tranny Temper" just channel that anger and just beat a bitches ass once and awhile. You are popular and people will now fear and respect you too once you give some unsuspecting victim a savage beatdown. Hell I once beat up a teacher in junior high for failing to give me proper respect by not calling me sir. Some people don't learn unless you use violence. And that goes for you Gump Ass Garnett. Next time I am going to go all Tranny Temper on your ass.
DEAR ABBY: When saying the Pledge of Allegiance, should you put your left hand at your side or behind your back? -- WONDERING IN NEW YORK
DEAR WONDERING: I was taught that your left hand should be at your side.
Yo as usual Abby is wrong, and ideally you put that shit on the ass of a hot a cheerleader thats been giving you eyes all during warm-ups. Thats what Bonner does and keeps my shooting hand warm for making it rain all night.
DEAR ABBY: After many years of being single, I met a woman I'll call "Trish" on a blind date. We're both in our late 40s, and we hit it off. We have many things in common.
One night I was at her place when she received a phone call. Trish made it short and sweet and hung up. A few minutes later, I asked who it was, and she told me it was her boss. Abby, I know how she answers the phone when it's her boss -- and it wasn't him. When I said, "That was NOT your boss," she admitted it was one of her boss's clients, but said nothing was going on between them.
When I first met Trish, she mentioned that a client had come in one day, had wine and cheese, then leaned over and kissed her. It's the same guy that called -- and he's married.
I am very hurt. We have both been cheated on. I don't think she has cheated, but she lied to my face. My first instinct is to dump her, but I love her. What should I do? -- HURT IN VERMONT
DEAR HURT: Are you and Trish in a committed relationship? If not, you had no right to question her about who was calling.
That said, a person who would lie to you once would lie to you twice. Listen to your gut. She may not be having a physical affair, but something is going on or she wouldn't have tried to mislead you about who was on the phone.
Yo Hurt get yo girl in check. Dude stop being a bitch. This girl is playing you. She is going to fuck this client, get hurt, and then crawl back to you. And you know why because you are going to let it happen if you take old battle axe abby's advice. My advice get rid of this girl. Because you better be ready big boy this girl probably has a big posse.
This was supposed to go up yesterday but for some reason the post forgot to save, but in this new era of hope I decided yes we can do an old house post on a tuesday. Not only is it a new day but we might have the coolest president in our history and one who can ball. I am sure Martin would be proud. Mr Fingers - Can You Feel It (martin Luther king remix) This might be one of the greatest house songs ever made and with the MLK speech over it, this just goes to a whole new level.
Next up is Robert Owens who might be the biggest male singer in house music, and one of my favorites. This track is produced by Larry Heard(Mr. Fingers) and some essential deep house. And seems really a fitting song for today. Owens was in Fingers INC before they disbanded and Heard went on to big solo success with his Mr. Fingers name. Robert Owens - Bring the Walls Down
The last track up is from Black Riot (one of Todd Terry's many alias). This track has some of those famous snyth lines everyone has used and as usual Todd Terry flips them and kills this beat. Dude is the truth. Plus it seems to be a fitting song for change. I don't know just listen to it you won't be disappointed. Black Riot - A Day in the Life
Honestly who gives better advice than Matt Bonner? Obviously no one. I am rich, an NBA superstar, and graduated Florida with practically a 4.0( beat perv edit it was 3.96). So if anyone should be giving advice it should be me and not that old bag of bones Erica kane looking saddle horse Abby or any of her clones who are so old and clueless they give advice only found in a Gil Thorpe cartoon. Speaking of shitty ass cartoons fuck Blondie. That shit is so white it makes my skin crawl. Dude marries a bimbo, eats all the time, and has a shitty boss but dude is happy as fuck. How much money can that dude be making to marry Blondie, and why is she with such a tool. Shit does not make sense. Plus he disses rap music. Dude who writes that you write blondie a smug ass cartoon set in the 1950's with no mention of anything in the real world today. You need to go fuck yourself. And fuck Blondie girl is a ho, and why the fuck she running a catering service anyway. Bitch can't cook and she has fake titties. At least in better or worse people aged. And I don't even want to talk about that sally ass son. Who wears their hair like that in 2009? DEAR ABBY: I am a female who is "over 21." I have always been a tomboy. I love to wrestle with my 200-pound boyfriend. Our struggles are vigorous, but never violent, and always end with a kiss or more. My friends are horrified. They say I could be injured and that any man who would physically "fight" a woman is a potential wife-beater or worse. So many people have warned me to "watch out" that now I'm beginning to wonder. To me, it's a good way to have fun and burn off calories. What's your take on this, Abby? -- LOVES TO TUSSLE IN GEORGIA DEAR LOVES TO TUSSLE: If you are the one initiating these "fights," then I doubt that your boyfriend is a potential wife-beater or worse. (If it were the other way around, I might be concerned.) What you have described sounds more like foreplay than abuse. As long as you both enjoy it and no one becomes injured, what the two of you do is nobody's business, so keep it private.
Yo loves to tussle its Bonner here. First tell them meddlesome bitches to shit the fuck up. If you need to get your hulk hogan on to fuck your husband ain't no shame in that. I am guessing you a big girl right? You can take a piledriver or body slam. Bonner knows your type. But yeah if your man ain't giving it you right maybe I can put you in a sharp shooter, superkick you in the chin and then pin you. I'll have you screaming 1 2 3 all night. That sound good girl? Remember Bonner here for you all night. If you man won't put you in a boston crab I will. DEAR ABBY: I recently married a man my family and friends, and I, all thought was the perfect man/husband for me -- or anyone, for that matter. We have been married less than two months, and I have undeniable proof that he is married to another woman in another state. We received gifts from two showers -- one given by some friends and another given by my co-workers. Should I give them back? I want to do the right thing. There are about 20 gifts and a small gift certificate. So far, people who know my situation say I should keep them, but are they just being polite? -- EMBARRASSED AND HEARTBROKEN IN NORTH CAROLINA DEAR EMBARRASSED AND HEARTBROKEN: If they have not been used, the gifts should be offered to the people who gave them to you. However, if you have already done this and were told you should keep them, then that's what you should do. The gifts are yours to keep or dispose of as you wish, if you would prefer not to have hurtful reminders around. Nah fuck that keep those gifts girl, or better yet send them to me, Matt Bonner, NBA Superstar. You get a nice toaster, shit I need a nice toaster. How about a deep fryer, you know Bonner likes to deep fry shit. Yo I am hoping you got a fondue set up just in case Tony Parker and that bitch of a wife of his, who keep asking to come over for dinner one night to hang out with the Bonner man, and who I am running out of excuses of why they can't have them over will finally be able to come over. I figure maybe now I set up a nice fondue night for them, you know everyone loves fondue, even the french and their wives. I think its a french word too, fondue, that sounds about right? But yeah girl how about you bring over those gifts and I make you forget about your man. That sound aight with you?
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 54 years. She is now 90 and I am 87, although we could both pass for 70. We have made love about once a week since the day we were married -- yes, about 2,800 times. Is there any correlation between frequency of sex and lack of apparent aging? -- FEELS LIKE A KID IN ARIZONA DEAR KID: From everything I have read, regular cardiovascular exercise, lack of stress and a happy marriage contribute to a couple's health and well-being. Because a healthy sex life falls into all three categories, I think you're onto something.
Yo I just puked in my mouth. That shit is some serial gross. Dude I am not going to be able to get a hard on for six months. UGHH really, no, that shit is gross. Bonner don't want to think of that and you should be ashamed for sending this question in.
5 Things Matt Bonner doesn't do: 1. Trick 2. Back down to punks like Kevin Garnett 3. Not listen to rap music every day 4. Eat oatmeal-that shit ain't baller they feed oats to horses and had to put some weird ass quaker on the box so people would forget about that. But yo Bonner don't forget. 5. Not hate- I was born a hater, Bonner So Mad
So I make my triumphant return to drunk and focused with hate on my heart. This whole it ain't tricking if you got movement is pathetic. Yo I got money but you don't see Bonner buying pussy with it. Hell you don't see Bonner buying a nice car either.
but you do see make me making money off cars...BALLER
Why you may ask? I credit Ice Cube dude told me not to be the one, and if girl is thinking lobster, fuck that I am thinking burger king.
I know everyone hates on 50 but anyone that can make Young Buck cry is a ok with me. I also enjoy making grown men cry
We got some dynamite, amazing, hard working mcs and djs to bring you one of the best parties of this early year. We celebrating the godfather, our lord and savior, and the man who makes you get up to get down all night at the Tuesday Scissor Test tonite. We got Nobody Cares and Eyenine rapping and me and evaredy djing all night. We playing all thangs james from his tracks to the music he has influenced and is still influencing to this day. We can never praise James Brown enough. This is the third annual one and hopefully the biggest yet.
9-1 at the Red Door no cover and 2 dollar pbrs 107 State Street Portsmouth, NH
Whitehouse - wiggle like an eel Andy (eat cloud) gave me this song like three years ago. I know Whitehouse was on some of their own shit fucking around with noise and what not in the early 80's and for better or worse a lot of people tried to sound like them afterwards. But this song is fucking brutal. I mean brutal. Definitely not for everyone but I know the scissor test kids love it.
And no I can't help you other than give it to you and hope you come to your senses bob james- nautilus
And yo that ghost joint is just one of the million songs that sample this track. In fact when this track dropped I was like 14 getting all buck and my old brother b2 was like really somebody sampled this track again. Old men hate too much.
But Serial every dj should have this track if not you probably think electro is shitty blog house. How the fuck did electro get jacked like that? It ain't right. But thats a whole nother post.
