Monday, April 24, 2006
Sometimes you just got to punch a broad in her face
First things first this Soprano's review is being brought you by Eat Cloud, who reminds you his new cd comes out tomorrow and you can be the first person on the block to own one if you come out to the release party at Tuesday Scissor Test at the Red Door in Portsmouth, NH. I start spinning records at 8 and live shit pops off with Eat Cloud, Grrls out of Hell, and the Pandas at 9. Drunk and focused would also like to thank our other sponsor Maddog 2020 whose been with us since day one. Now onto the recap.
The show starts off with Corky giving the directions to the Italians of who they have to kill and where they live. They take care of the job and kill Rusty and his driver. Once again proving that outsourcing work to overseas makes perfect sense. Hell I am even thinking about outsourcing the drunk and focused soprano's recap to India and having them do the weekly updates. With my posse never writing anymore it does make sense, hell I am carrying Drunk and Focused like kobe bryant (well except for yesterday and all of last season) does the lakers, and yes you can now refer to me as the white mamba . And if this keeps up I might even have to hire someone from China just to carry my weed for me, but anyway back to the recap.
Vito's still in NH and Tony is taking a break for searching for him, pretty much tony doesn't give a fuck that Vito is gay and would rather him remain missing than have to take care of the problem since he believes in the Seinfield philosophy of "not that their is anything wrong with it." Chris takes this break in the chase to go to LA to meet with Ben Kingsley about playing the lead role in the movie "Cleaver", which I heard they already casted one of the girls in the movies that gets topless than dies, and yes its none other than Paris Hilton, who gets her head chopped off after taking seven topless tequila shots, its cinema gold I tell ya, gold. Speaking of stupid spoiled cunts I think their should be a new reality show called Cunt Hunting when a bounty hunter hunts stupid spoiled whores for money, it could be described Mtv's My Sweet Sixteen meets Dog the bounty Hunter, and it would be the highest rated show ever. Anyway while in LA Chris falls off the wagon with hookers and cocaine, the meeting with Kingsley was a joke and their is no chance in hell he will do the film, and it leads to one of the finest moments on the soprano's which we will get to at the end.
Anyway back in jersey Tony is at a new restaurant Giovanni's for Phil's godson's reception. Phil comes up to tony who admits he feels like a traitor for eating here and not at Artie's place, which has been doing horrible business lately, and everyone has been complaining that the food is no where near as good as it used to be. Phil also thanks Tony for taking care of Rusty and Tony denies having anything to do with it, which leads Phil to remark something in wop about Tony being a cautious man. A side story is also developing between Vinny Delpino(Benny) and Artie over Artie's hostess Martine. Artie was helping her with her green card until he realized she would never fuck him. Turns out she fucked him over with a credit card scheme with Vinny Delpino. Artie confronts her and finds out she was in on the fraud and goes to vinny delpino's house and proceeds to beat the shit out of him, sending him to the hospital. Dude Vinny Delpino is a pussy, let us not forget when Artie got fucked up by that frenchmen sally and has his earring ripped out and then tried to kill himself. Vinny wants revenge on Artie but tony steps in. He says revenge will not occur because Artie grew up with Tony and you don't shit where you eat, and you definitely don't shit where tony eats. Benny agrees to go for dinner with his parents at Artie's restaurant, where Artie would apologize to him. Artie comes to the tables and apologizes then makes a crack at Vinny about how he loves Martines, which are like a martini but that go down easier and from the Ukraine. Vinny Delpino doesn't appreciate this comment and decides to go into the kitchen and burn Artie's hand in a scalding pan of sauce.
Elsewhere we have a beautiful moment in television when Chris in all black punches out that old broad Lauren Bacall and steals her gift basket worth 30,000 dollars in gifts. It reminded me of this little you tube gem found via Serg from beerandrap.com and seriously I can watch this clip all day
White people are so crazy
The show ends with Tony yelling at Chris for leaving and not controlling the situation between Vinny Delpino who is in his crew, and Artie, saying if hadn't left maybe none of this would have happened. Chris brings up his sacrifice with Adrian and tony asks him how many times is he going to pull that card?
The show ends with Artie making a rabbit dish from his grandfather's cookbook for two late night arriving customers, and the two Italian killers comparing expensive gifts they bought for their families due to the weak American dollar.