First things first congrats to Pimp C fo getting parole (and thaks to serg beerandrap.com for the banner above, them stickers are coming soon). When I mused that I wished they would free pimp c a couple posts ago so bun b wouldn't have to rap about it anymore I was just kidding. But Judy Blume (thats gawd margaret don't forget it) figured she would answer my prayers and after writing the book "Pimp C and Margaret: Blood and Blood a True Love Story" the parole board realized this is not a man you should have behind bars. I was gonna post up a bunch of ugk tracks, well at least murder, but I can't find those so I am just gonna post one pimp c track so all you white people can go ohh, I know pimp c is, he's the dude on big pimpin.
Jay z and Underground Kingz - Big Pimpin
Lastly I been thinking who needs to be on blast and then it hit me: Abigail Van Fucking Buren that fucking holier than though cunt, Van buren what are you a fucking president's wife huh, get the fuck outta here with your nonsense and victorian name. You dumb tile( tile is the nice way of saying cunt, beleive me its useful) you fell off of the advice world in 1977 deal with it. So since dear abby sucks I decided I will hijack her questions, its like jacking for beats, and give them advice they can actually use in 2005.
DEAR ABBY: What is the official Dear Abby position on screaming children in restaurants? My husband took my mother and me to a family restaurant to celebrate our birthdays, and two children from different families were screaming their lungs out. One of them, a child about 3, alternately screamed, begged, whined and threw tantrums the whole time. The other child was much younger, but seemed to be keying off the other child.
Abby, it was horrible! Our server could hardly hear us to take our order -- and I'm not exaggerating. We could not enjoy our dinner because of the piercing shrieks coming from both sides of the restaurant. Had I done that when I was little, my mother would have taken me outside, if only to make the atmosphere more pleasant for the other diners. The family with the older child ignored his behavior. This seems to happen more and more often, I've noticed. The family finally left, but both my husband and I had splitting headaches from the noise. What, if anything, could we have done? The other diners were as uncomfortable as we were. -- WISH I'D HAD EARPLUGS, DECATUR, ALA.
This is that whore abby's response: DEAR WISH: Your party should have canceled your orders and celebrated the occasion at another restaurant once you realized the parents had no intention of intervening. Something similar happened to my husband and me one night recently. The manager of the restaurant tolerated the disruption for approximately 10 minutes, then he approached their table and informed the parents they must stop the ruckus or take their large party and leave. When the door swung shut behind them, the entire restaurant broke into applause.
Fuck that cancel my order and celebrate at another restaurant that is fucking nonsense and definately not keeping it real. This is how I would answer the question.
Dear wish you would stop being such a pussy: First things fist tell those little spawns of satan to shut the fuck up. Children respond well when you walk up to them with a knife and stroke it while saying you know your favorite animal at home, yeah the dog whiskers with the floppy ears isn't he so cute, well if you don't stop crying and acting like a little bitch I am gonna chop his head off with this knife. Then you pat him on the head and tell the parents what a beautiful child they have. If that doesn't work you break into chappelle keepin it real steez, you know like when you walk away from 70 million and another season of chappele show so you won't have to breakout another catchphrase that frat kids won't stop using like 'I am rick james bitch."
And break a bottle and go to the parents and walk up behind the father going "I am gonna cut you fucker, cut you fucker, get yo damn kids in line, and yes fuck yo couch." Usually the parents are so freaked out by now they leave with brats in tow. And before the cops come the entire restaurant gives you a standing applause and your able to eat your onion blossom in peace.
Now for some love advice:
DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my boyfriend, "Don," that we can't settle. We both travel for work. He's happy to drive me to or from the airport, although I never ask him to. He feels it's a romantic gesture that couples do for each other when one is away for more than a few days.
Personally, I prefer getting to and from the airport by taxi, bus or subway -- by myself. I don't care if he meets me at the airport, although he wants to. Don travels three or four times a year, but he often arrives at night. Driving to the airport is a stressful burden for me even during the day. I absolutely hate driving at night. Don was recently gone for two weeks. I refused to meet him because he was landing at night and he lives closer to the airport than I do. (Three subway stops and a cab ride.) He said it was the principle of the thing, and if I didn't want to drive, it would mean a lot to him if I took a cab or the subway and met him at the baggage claim. How do I handle this in the future and not feel like a bad person, because I strongly disagree with my boyfriend on this subject. -- STRESSED-OUT CITY DRIVER
DEAR STRESSED-OUT: Because this is important to him, if you love your boyfriend and care about his feelings, extend yourself and make the effort. It's called "giving." If you can't bring yourself to do so, tell him it's a deal-breaker and see if he is willing to lower his expectations. (Frankly, I agree with him. It IS a romantic gesture.
hmmm I am putting myself on blast because i kinda agree with the whore on this but for so many different reasons. Here is my response.
Dear you stressed out selfish cunt: You should feel good instead of fucking asian hookers on his business trip this schmuck is worrying about whether or not you are gonna meet him at the fucing baggage claim. Seriously this dude is whipped and your cunt ass just likes to complain all the time, like ohh its dark I can't drive in the dark. Seriously you are not stressed out, your just a lazy cunt who can't take time out of her busy schedule of watching the True Hollywood Story of Dawson's Creek and eating bon bons and getting fat, than picking up your man at the airport. Seriously you sound like a trifling bitch that this dude should dump. So in essence fuck your lazy ass and give your man a blow job as penance.
Luke ft. Lil jon -some head tonite
(This is the greatest moment and highlight of katie holmes movie career, yes when she showed titties and yes tom cruise has yet to see these in person)MIA - Bucky Done Gun (MIA reminds me of katie holmes, sure she is a little overrated but there is still something about her regardless of whose she's banging)
Speaking of THS Dawson Creek how thoroughly disappointed was I in this. This was so fucking boring and just a glorified commercial for the fact the katie holmes is supposedly fucking tom cruise. Literally the whole show was like isn't katie Holmes doing great, I mean nah she has never had a breakout movie, no she is not a leading lady, ummm most of her movies have been horrible, but TOMKAT TOMKAT TOMKAT. Seriously this is just more fodder for why I hate the "trapped in the closet" lunatic tom cruise. Basically the show was an advertisement for the virgin mary (thats joey potter cause guess what tom cruise didn't get he pregnant) and tom cruise. Where was the beek's story about the time him and pacey got caught with 3 hookers from mexico, or the time jen put a pineapple in her vagina? Fuck E and fuck this commercial for the virgin mary's supposed love to a four foot midget who believes in aliens.
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