Friday, December 02, 2005
Yuppies Hate Baile Funk
Sometimes when I dj and I have a wack crowd I like to be an asshole and strictly play for myself. Well let me adjust that I have a residency at a swanky bar that serves 10 dollar drinks (but on my tuesday scissor test weekly I got 2 dollar pbrs for all us dirtbags so come in and keep my night yuppie free, and you will always hear trick daddy over tricky on tuesdays, and just saying the internets favorite blogger lemon red shows up every once and while with me to dj to boot but thats besides the point) and me as the dj has to deal with a lot of yupsters(the yuppies that think they are hipsters and don't realize they are just douchebag yuppies) and then the straight up douche bag yuppies who think you are a jukebox to play to their wack needs( last thing I need is a dude in a ponytail telling me I should play some trip hop from 1995, yeah things I am not playing tricky, hell yeah I'll play trick daddy, ohh you meant tricky go fuck yourself) First things first if your a patron at the bar don't ask me to play these artists ever: thievery corp, mark farina's mushroom jazz series, braziil filia or whatever the fuck its called, and never kruder or dorfmeister. We have enough shitty house djs that play those mixes that I don't need to play that shit. Its nice my whole steez is I won't play what ever shittty house dj's play, so I don't need to bite wack djs.(A whole side note who the fuck is making the tracklistings for these supposed chill out mixes? Is that floety on your fucking tracklist so you can give yourself a hip hop edge. Seriously fuck you. Just cause you play a shitty Scion type hip hop track doesn't make you hip, it just makes you seem like even more of a fucking tool) Give me a break I will skeet skeet all over thievery corps record collection and hell throw the simon and garfunkle looking kruder and dorfmeister and I will skeet on their faces too. So which leads me to last night where we had virtually no crowd and just a bunch of douchebag yuppies who wanted to hear beastie boys songs. So before I gave them there beasties I gave myself a solid hour of baile funk and here are some of the tracks I played. All the tracks I am posting came off the Funk Neurotic 23 albulm and no I have no fucking clue whose the artist on any track or what the songs are named (if you do hit a white boy up and give him so info, I live in nh its 35 degrees out and the only booty I see is on white girls.)
Another beautiful thing about latin music in general ( and yes I am talking even about latin house and yes fuck ya couch you dummy ain't all latin house bad) is that you get your portuguese teacher to dance wicked sexual to it while your djing at the club which leaves you in return being wicked akward. I am saying what do you say to your teacher after you see her "enjoying" the music for a few minutes causing you to have an you can't leave the dj booth for a bit for fear of pulling a will ferrell anchorman moment (I am saying y'all would be impressed but that is besides the point). I am saying its awkward but goddamn now you know why I took Portuguese in college. Anyway those tracks should seduce any Portuguese teacher and piss off any yuppie, which in reality is the best of both worlds.