Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The inferno: Family Friendly Edition


We here at drunk and focused figure you have busy lives and can't enjoy the finer things in life such is the joy of the Inferno II which puts mtv lifers in various missions to produce a show that resembles survivor, if survivor was played on the playboy network and all the contestants were willing to whore themselves out for another 15 minutes of fame and avoid the real world where you need a steady job. (college kids refer to this phenomenon as grad school, and by the way I am all for it). As usual the inferno is used to create ridiculous drama with a bunch of pretty retards. I am saying most of these girls IQ can't compete with their bust size, and I thank mtv everyday for this (on a side note how fucking busted did jisela look? For those who don't remember jisela was the first person ever voted off road rules, she then resurfaced on an episode of real world with the dude with the huge afro who used to wear roots shirts to show he was down with hip hop. Dude needed to listen to eazy e to see how one treats a ho like jisela, that dummy thought he could turn a ho into a housewife.) Anyway you have the usual suspects on the mission including big tittied robyn, big tittied Ibis, big tittied Kina, medium sized tittied cameran, always horny jodi, a mormon jesus freak who tried to kill veronica named julie, and the ohh shit I saw you naked in playboy Cara


As for the dudes you have a lot of tools and schmucks including "Hey I am forty but I guess that's cool since I was on the first road rules" Mark, then you got Lionel Ritchie Ain't fessin Adam (who looks like bababooie from howard stern fame), then you got I take everything too seriously because my penis is four inches Derrick, and a whole lotta of other douchebags that can remain nameless. Basically the first show was a challenge to see who will be teams captain in the form of an old school wwf battle royal. I had king kong bundy favorite. Anyway the rookie dudes battled it out in something that could be described as vaguely homoerotic for frat kids worldwide with Alton coming out on top (alton is the black dude from Las Vegas). The veteran dudes realized that instead of kicking each other's asses they would just play rock, paper, scissors because they realized they are old or some shit and or pussies with Adam became captain (I think he became captain and honestly I have no fucking clue who adam is other than he was on a road rules which I never watched cause road rules is usually pretty lame and he is not the adam whose dad is one of lionel ritchie's back up singers, side note Nicole ritchie loves to puke now true?). The veteran girls kinda duked out with that mormon whore taking a nice gash to the forehead, and everyone's favorite drunk ruthie winning it all. Then the rookie girls went at it doing the same rock, paper, scissors bullshit the old dudes did with Jo coming out on top, Jo who you might be asking who the fuck is that and thats Jo Mama to you (burn). Nah but really jo is the tile that took over for puck on real world san francisco, aka one of the last shows where really ugly people were shown(I am saying rachel from the new cast was pretty much busted but compared to that blonde haired girl from the real world san francisco she was actually somewhat hot). Jo is a huge cunt in general from what I remember from that real world and she wasted no time in proving she was a cunt. First things first if you sign up for one of these challenges you know what your getting into. Anyway one of their first nights there is Mark's 43rd birthday which is of course a great night for an orgy to breakout. Basically what happens is a lot of drinking and fucking and jo sitting there going I hate this, these people are gross etc. Then the bitch breaks out to call her sally english father on the phone to be like wah wah wah these people are animals who only drink and fuck etc, (seriously what the fuck did she expect going on this challenge? I am saying your surrounded by good looking tools that only now how to do three things: drink, fuck, and make complete asses of themselves for my enjoyment.) Anyway Jo freaks the fuck out because there is left over chocolate syrup in her room which she assumes was used in a sex orgy (In reality they just tried to cover 4 inch penis in it after he passed out after drinking 6 bud lights). Anyway she starts flipping out and starts to pack, my favorite lush ruthie comes in to be like what the fuck, and jo is like you touch me I call the cops. The show ends on her freaking out and probaly an orgy in the living room they never show. Anyway next week the cops come and jo proves she is absolute nut and cunt.

2 comments:

"joe rath" said fast over and over starts to sound like "giraffe" said...

this couldn't have been more accurate. i didn't see the episode, but now i feel like i have a firm grasp on it.

bravo.

arghlene said...

This is the greatest thing I have ever read.