First things first its been a long time, I should not have left without a dope beat to step to. Well actually fuck you, I left you with dude justin and he gave you not one but 6 dope beats to step to. Sure they might be German but they fucking rule. I know I took a week off but shit what I get paid for comes first and I was holed up drinking maddogs for an article about beverly hills 90210 and dawsons creek, plus the 8 things I hate about white people for Serg's Beer and Rap Holiday Zine. As well as an article for a local paper around my way about fucking blogs, yes they paid me to write about this shit here. Anyway its Tuesday morning which means its time for my loyal followings favorite new segment: the gauntlet.
Allright so anyway before I started writing this I went to the local store 24 for some coffee, eggs, and a bottle of maddog. The cashier who knows me because of my maddog consumption yelled at me for not checking the eggs to make sure they were good and then checked them for me while telling me I always check to make sure the bottle is full etc, and soon I am gonna be on an all liquid diet. I am saying nothing like a convience store worker to point out you'se a bit of a drunk.
Anyway you think that intro was lackluster and not worth the hype? Well it was to mimic last nights gauntlet. First of all from the commercial it looked fucking intense; they were bitches boxing, bitches yelling and bitches just generally being bitches. But then it opens with the boxing which was just some drunken fun. I mean ruthie and kina boxed like it was a fixed fight in Germany. They were just tipsy and bored, where was the drama. Where was the ripping off of each others clothes, and titties flying. Where was the sexy ringside girl cara carrying round cards? So fucking disappointed in that. Anyway they end that segment and pick up with the rookies captain Kina, who I can't tell if I should get hard over or just hate, and her bitch ass bf. In fact he doesn't have a name other than bitch ass bf. Dude your whipped by a cunt on a reality show, there is nothing much more pathetic than that. I am saying he checked in his balls before this series started because it doesn't take common sense to see the bitch in him. Anyway Captain Kina was complaining how upset she would be if she left the show and her bitch stayed on. Pretty much saying bitch if I get voted off this show and you don't leave as a sign of how much I have made you my bitch you will not be getting this pussy anymore.
The challenge for the show itself was some team building shit, you know like the shit they put RA's through because they know nobody else in the world will do something so fucking dumb. Like just fall off the ladder we will catch you, just trust us, we love you or some nonsense. Anyway boring mission short the veterans tie it up which leads to the vaunted gauntlet. Cameron, you know medium sized southern girl with big boobies, is voted in. And showing her vagina doesn't stop between her legs decides to forfeit her chance to battle kina and lets kina win. This did lead to some nice bitchery though as Aneesa, you know the bulldyke that looks like a cross between dennis rodman and wesley snipes with blonde hair in demolition man, starts saying what a pussy Cameron is etc, etc. Which leads to playboys finest Cara telling her to stop snitching or shut the fuck up, which leads to wesley snipes in blonde hair to flip the fuck out and yell loudly for a couple minutes to thoroughly entertain me. Anyway it ends with Kina staying captain and me leaving unsatisfied like aneesa had just given me a lap dance. I am saying bring back coral for the crazy black bitch, at least she had some massive titties to look at.
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