Hooked on rock 'n' roll phonics Pt. 2

Hey, remember me?
First of all, I’d like to urge you all to go out and buy as many copies of the new Myspace Records Vol. 1 album as you can, right now! If you like crying and thinking about girls who broke your heart, Dashboard Confessional is on there! If you like bands who used to be pretty rad, but have since lost every shred of dignity and credibility they ever had, Weezer is on there too! If you wanna hear 15 other bands that no one really cares about, there are 15 other bands on there that no one really cares about! I beg you! Go buy this and show Thom how appreciative we all are that he’s putting out an album consisting entirely of bands who got their start on myspace! Like Weezer!
Ok, let’s get down to the nitty gritty (dirt band.) This is the second installment of something I like to call “An Exercise in Musical Elitism” - er - “Hooked on Rock ‘n’ Roll Phonics,” where I alphabetize all the rock ‘n’ roll you SHOULD be listening to. This week: I – Q. Let’s get started...

First on the hit parade: Collection by The Illusion. You can’t find this song anywhere, unless it’s on an original pressing of their first and only album. I have it....and I bet you don’t! So, being the nice young gentleman that I am, I’m giving it to all of you! This song absolutely fucking TEARS! Like a Standells song! But with a weird, spacey bridge part.

Next on the hot line: Orbit Around the Moon by Joe Meek and the Blue Men. I know this should go in the M section, but there was another M band that I wanted to use and, damnit, Joe Meek fucking deserves to be on here. Joe Meek rules. This song sounds like crazy space-age Ennio Morricone! Go buy I Hear a New World (which is the album this song comes from) right now! Do it! Look how bad-ass he was!!



Turn the corner, and we have: (Further Reflections) In the Room of Percussion by Kaleidoscope. The UK Kaleidoscope. Who, by the way, were way better than the US Kaleidoscope. These guys knew their pop-psych! Jangly guitars all over the place! Thundering drums (obviously)! Vocal harmonies of awesomeness! Weird horn sqwaks which may or may not actually be coming from a guitar! And the lyrics! "my god, the spiders are everywhere."!?! "the crooked faces of clocks appear/and die in nightmare dreams/while juggling music surrounds us both/and turns our thoughts to screams."!?! Fucking trippy!!

Two blocks away, we find: All These Years by Lazy Smoke. Jesus, this guy’s voice sounds like John Lennon’s. This is what the Beatles’ Revolver would’ve sounded like had they recorded on cruddy instruments in a basement in Boston (that’s where the Lazy Smokers were from, you see.) Also, these guys sound a bit more foreboding than The Beatles ever did, what with all those minor-chord changes. And that solo’s a scorcher.

Hooked on a feeling: Complication by The Monks! This is not psych! This is gaRAGE! The Monks were a band comprised of ex-army fellows stationed in Germany during Vietnam. They actually had tonsure hair-cuts (that single huge bald spot at the top of the head) like REAL monks! And they had a friggin’ electric banjo! But played in a COOL way....like, in a percussive “plonky” way. It doesn’t get much cooler than a plonky banjo.

Walk this way to: You Only Live Twice by Nancy Sinatra. Not psych or garage, but 60’s. Again, this should be in the S section, but I simply don’t give a rat’s patoot. This was the theme to the Bond movie of the same name....also, the main melody was ripped off for Robbie Williams’ hit “Millenium” which, (call me a “fag” if you must) I also have. Goddamnit, I’m sucker for that melody, alright?!?

Dart in your neck: Ave Gengis Khan by Os Mutantes. Brazilian tropicalia. This song swings like a mormon (hah!) Rooty-tooty electric piano? Check! Guitar solo straight from the Gods? Check! Backwards chanty voices? Check! Skull-crushing, maximum distortion, minor-key piano/guitar duel fade-out sequence? Double-fucking-check!

Miller High Life: Talkin’ About the Good Times by The Pretty Things. Crunchy acid guitar, mellotron breaks, (Where the hell did those things go?? They fucking rule! I want them back in my music!) vocal harmonies to die for, and a sitar-sounding thingy? All psych rock should sound like this. Full stop.

Fin(ish): Cry in the Night by Q’65. Another Nuggets II song. Sue me. It’s hard as shit to find bands that start with Q. Luckily, this is a damn fine song.

Well, that’s all for this volume of musical awesomeness. Keep your eyes peeled for Pt. 3 where I mud-wrestle Lou Reed to become the president of the planet Rock ‘n’ Roll! As Al Burgo would say, “Whaddya wanna suck my dick, or sumthin’? Thank you and have a nice day.”