Friday, November 11, 2005
Who got Joey Potter Pregnant?
Alot of you must be wondering (and by a lot I mean our loyal three readers) why the hell is drunk and focused so slow at posting new shit? And you would be right to ask that and our response is to shut the fuck up and sit down. the drunk and focused posse have been on a mission this last week and this mission is to find out the mystery that is who knocked up joey potter because it sure as hell wasn't that frodo looking motherfucker tom cruise. Seriously watch top gun again and tell me does tom cruise look like a guy who digs chicks? We all know tom cruise digs dudes (not that there's anything wrong with that and just saying joey potter is his "beard" ) So we have narrowed it down to the two obvious choices you got it Pacey Whitter and Dawson Leary.
First we'll examine the dawson leary connection. First james van der beek looks just like dj mayonaisse (you know of 1200 hobo and anticon fame that now lives in the fredo of New England Maine). Alot of people think Dawson is just a pussy. And although he does have pussy tendancies he proved he could be a bad ass in rules of attraction. I am saying make him a drug dealer who loves jack ( daniels not gay Jack from the creek) and fucks jessica biel from 7th heaven and you have a whole new respect for Mr. Leery. You see dawson could fuck joey no problem because they have that whole bullshit soul mate routine down. And beleive me the only thing that Joey Potter loves more than soul mates is free publicity. So here's my scenario joey and dawson were hanging out together one fateful night thinking wouldn't it be great to watch a bunch of steven spielberg movies. And dawson was like heck yeah that would be neat. So one things leads to another and the next thing you know ET is driving by on a bike and dawson is riding joey Potter screaming but my dad died you have to fuck me. A couple minutes later Joey has a dawson inside her. Dawson then smartly makes some excuse about having to go see grams in the morning to give her a dye job( who had worst hair then the frankenstien look that grams used to rock on the creek?) and bounces only to have katie holmes visit Tom Cruise to find him in a threesome with Eddie Murphy and Johnny Gil.
Next scenario Pacey is complaining that everyone keeps calling him the emilio estavez of the creek and quacking at him. Every day a group of people will quack at him saying ducks rule and dawson would kick your ass. So he is crying one night telling joey how they used to be together and pulling the old bf routine and Joey was like hell I showed my titties to to that talk soup guy once, why don't you stare at these puppies to cheer you up. Pacey is like fuck yeah and two minutes later they are going through all the sexual positions including the blumpkin, the cheery cheery sunday. the fizzle fizzle pop pop, and even the tiger through a crane on a ladder with Eddie Winslow cheering them on. Then Pacey screamed at skeet skeet and busted on her face ( side note remember to keep searching the internet for Pacey's new straight to video movie entitled The Mighty Ducks Late Night Adventure: Skeet Skeet the chase of the legacy of Emilio). And of course Pacey banged her a few more times and every time be busted he shouted out EMILIOOOOOOOOO. Lets just say it was wierd for everyone involved including Emilio, who is now Joey Potter's butler (think about whens the last time he had work? I am pretty sure Men at Work come out over a decade ago, garbage men who'd thunk it be so entertaining its just like Nick Cannon its HILLARIOUS)
Couple other possible fathers: Jack from the creek, sure he might be what the internet calls "teh gay" but lets remember he did steal her from dawson orginally and even got the tile to paint him in the nude. Plus she has a history of loving gay dudes it would only make sense for her to get knocked up by one thats not named tom cruise.
Beat Pervert: Yes it might be a long shot but honestly I am fucking handsome and my sperm is super. My idea is that my sperm escaped from my girls vagina took a b line, hitchiked to california, slapped tom cruise in the face (yes he did ask for more) and then snuck into joey potter's vagina and impregnated her like she was mary from the bible. yes my sperm is that potent, and yes thats why I smoke so much pot too. If I didn't there would be at least 13 beat pervert bastards running around.
Chris Klein: Who Gives a fuck about chris klein NEXT
Tom Cruise: Honestly does anyone thing frodo got Joey Potter Pregnant? thats about likely as jen from Dawsons Creek not being a total whore.
So there you have it and my official response is that I got Joey Potter pregnant. Now onto why all you fools came the mp3s
these two mp3s are about the dawsonscreek love triangle
Sage francis - rewrite
Sage Francis - Threewrite
This next mps is about what you got to do if you believe tom cruise ain't gay, yes you need to go dumb
The last is house music and I don't know why its in this post