Sunday, February 05, 2006

How Rude

Allright drunk and focused took a couple days off, you know are usual overnight drunk, (that lasts for a week) because well dude justin left you with an orgy of rock music and well that meant I didn't have to do shit for a few days. Speaking of orgies how come nobody ever talks about the dude that goes to one and never gets laid? I mean he is standing there with a his dick out looking for any available hole, and he never gets to stick it in. Then he goes home and a friend calls up and goes how was the orgy all excited and shit and then he is all dejected like, "welp I just couldn't find anywhere to stick my dick, all the holes were taken, I was forrest gump trying to find a seat on the bus and none of these skanks were named jenny. But on the bright side I can finally shave off this damn moustache. "

Anyway before we get to the gauntlet some shit happened while we were away the biggest not being the Steelers winning the super bowl, but finding that Stephanie Tanner was a meth head. To top it off the intervention consisted of the olsen twins, bob Saget and uncle jessie. I am saying why couldn't the intervention been its own reality show, It would have had more viewers than the superbowl think about it. They still have time though and what they should do is a full house reunion show, the main plot can be michelle graduating college, and during the show we find out sweet old stef is on drugs. Joey could walk in her doing a line or some shit, and get all concerned, but stef will be like no just don't tell my dad, yadda yadda yadda. I only do it once in awhile etc and your comedian you should know how it is. Joey falls for it hook, line, and sinker and tells her in a roger rick voice (or whatever stuffed animal he was currently walking around with) just don't do it again, cause drugs are bad, mmmkay. Then they hug and heartwarming music plays.

Also everyone still lives in the same house except for dj and stef. DJ is married to Steve and lives next door, and stef lives with them in the guest house. Uncle Jessie still lives in the attic with his wife and kids even though he is a rich bastard and the Japanese Elvis. Uncle Jessie has sold more records in japan than any other american artist since Barry and the Rippers, and currently just got back from touring there where he also sells signature wigs because a freak hairspray accident left Uncle Jessie bald.

Danny Tanner is now a local shock jock for Howard Stern's Sirius radio after getting fired from Wake up San Francisco for coming into work drunk and getting into a fistfight with a monkey named Pepe Lucho that was supposed to be a special guest on his show. Danny Tanner also found work as an extra whe he appeared on the short lived third season ofChappele's show where he got famous for his lines "Can Danny Tanner Get a goddamn lapdance?" and "Wake up to my balls San Francisco"

Joey survived a scandal about a newspaper report that said he had allegedly stuck his penis in a puppet's ear (lawyers claim it was a wardrobe malfunction and his penis just sprung out by accident into a puppets ear), and now has a successful morning variety show for kids named "Aren't Stuffed Animals Fun!," featuring an hour of him pretending to talk to stuffed animals, he has even won a Peabody for excellence in broadcasting for his show. He also loves hookers because nobody else will fuck a dude that sticks his penis in puppet ears. Kimmie Gibler is dead. She died choking on a whoopee pie her pastor had made for a "Jesus Is Rad" talent show. Her obituary red she loved jesus, the bible, and making kool aid for disadvantaged youth, and she once kissed a leaper on the lips.
The climax of this two hour made for tv movie will be the intervention where Stephanie, high on drugs comes in with her older male bf, played by none other than Chuck Norris, and they say to leave them alone for they are going to vegas to get married. Joey tries to stop them but Chuck Norris high on cocaine breaks joey's arm with a kung fu chop and tells him he is going to eat his soul. Danny Tanner than charges at him and kicks him in the balls which brings Norris down to a knee. Out of nowhere uncle jessie pulls out a two by four, yells HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! and cracks chuck norris on the back of the head knocking him out. He then tells stef drugs are bad, and since he is a rock star he should know. They all hug, joey pukes up blood, and chuck norris lifts his head to which uncle jessie meets his two by four with norris's jaw knocking him out once and for al. Stefanie finally sees the error of her ways and swears to never do drugs again and they all hug to end the show.

The gauntlet was in shape or form as good as what that full house reunion show would have been. Anyway the show is used to show that alton is going to be the next dude to bang jodi, and Kina and carrie are going go against each other in an upcoming gauntlet. The mission was some bucking bronco thang where the opposing team swung ropes to try to knock the other team off. The rookies all stayed on, and win when syrus falls off for the veterans. Syrus is voted into the gauntlet and faces Derrick in the captain's choice of beach brawl. Derrick surprisingly makes short work of syrus, who has 60 pounds on him, but couldn't get lower than derrick because derrick is spudd webb's height.

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