Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Fresh Meat the return of the gauntlet = Politics

I ain't gonna lie the last guantlet sucked, I am talking Brian Scalbrine suck.
(Five years at 15 million for a dude that couldn't carry Mark Madsen's jockstrap)





I am talking Edgar Renteria suck in the the boston infield last year.
(Led the Al in errors and cases of being a pussy, woudn't dive for a ball or run into a catcher to help the team win for fear of getting hurt, also proved to be the softest player in red sox history.")


I am talking bone thugs and harmony suck.
(I'd rather be listening to freestlye fellowship)
Knowing that we cound not forget that previous bullshit mtv knew they had to shake up thangs and brought in a twist called fresh meat. Fresh meat is 12 newcomers and 12 veterans, with a twist that it is not just a battle between the veterans and newcomers, instead its team shit with each veteran teamed up with a rookie. So in order to introduce you two the new cunts of the gauntlet here is the 12 newcomers bio and the cunt they are teamed up with. (side note cunt also means any person on an mtv realty show.)

A brief intro to the fresh meat and the team members

Aviv a cute 21 year old from Columbus, OH. She is rolling hard as she served time in the Israeli Air Force and got that dual citzenship. I am saying in 10 years look for her and Natalie Portman to do a playboy spread live from the gaza strip. "This intense physical training should serve her well and I don't see her being a central point in the drama".(this is what mtv said.) This is what drunk and focused says, she's cute yet not that crazy, and with the black dude darell, aka the sean marion of the gauntlet, aka underrated but never overrated, this cunt will be around for a awile under the radar until Coral pulls some tony montana shit and ruins her life.

Speaking of Coral she won the lottery and the white boy adam morrison wishes he can be when he is not crying, Evan. Coral picked evan because he was faster than the token black guy, I kid you not. Coral is the hugest bitch in the world, and yet she might be the GOAT of the gauntlet and she also seemingly made the best draft pick there is. (if this was espn talking evan would have huge UPSIDE even if he is a fucking canadien. Plus he is beign managed by Coral who is Sherry Martrel of the gauntlet, I am saying she has a wrestling future soon as the Miz's manager.)

Next up is the biggest sally in real world history, and mr. ben affelck himself Danny, also that dude that got one punched in Austin which broke his eye socket. His partner is Ev. Ev is non-existant but mtv lists here as one of the dumbest cunts in the world who may have given up a college scholarship to whore it out on the gauntlet. As the cunt network claims, "Ev is a tough-as-nails aspiring Olympian who is risking a college softball scholarship at the University of Arizona to compete in the Challenge. She is also risking a relationship: Her girlfriend fears Ev might cheat on her with a man given the opportunity. Sports, sex, determination and a cocky attitude? Ev was made for the Challenge." Aka she is a dumb, dumb, dumb cunt.

Next up is the token dumb 18 year old blonde from the south who can't do a push up or run a mile. But does have great hair. She has two paths in this hear reality world either say dumb racist thangs or be the token whore who always has a pseudo bf (aka known as the dude she is fucking steady till the show is over cause she is a dumb clingy cunt insert Kendall here). She is paired up with the poor man's abram, Wes who is rocking a mohawk to either show how punk rock he is, or how much an asshole he is. i am guessing both.

For those who don't know their are 4 austin cast members here and they all are dating. Johanna who is emotional nutcase is dating the poor man's abram. She is one of them girls who never want a bf cause when they have one they get all pyscho clingy and whatnot. She is teamed up with some douchebag Jesse who I don't give a fuck about.

The last of these four is melinda who is dating danny and probaly trying to pitch some pseudo reality show about her and danny's intense love. Things she has going for her are amazing boobs, but she is also dumb as rocks and refered to coral's shampoo as a colored person shampoo. Her partner is some gay dude named Ryan who coral says is an embarassment to gay dudes worldwide and probaly ends up giving felattio to shane or most likely danny. I am saying the gauntlet needs a gay love triagle with a hot blonde, it will be like springer episode and wee man look alike tj lavin can gives his final thought at the end.

Next up is theo who described this as his job ands was pissed some kids thought they could come in and do his job. Ummmm anyone can prostiituee themselves on a reality show, its called the american way. He picked this black girl chanda, who had smaller titties than coral, but has a nice body that i am sure is athletic. They might be one of the favorites in this hurr challenge.

Next up is big mouthed and big assed Tina. Tina is the perfect girl to drunk fuck and make cry. Why I am not sure but I am sure she gets off to that shit. Her partner is kenny who I don't said a single word on the first two episodes.

Next up is linnette and shane. Shane is gay, linette is hot. Thats all that pertinent to this team.

Next up is small man derrick and diem. They had no exposure during the first two episodes which is odd cause Derrick is a hot head and diem has nice boobies. Look for them to make it the top four at the end.

MYV goes out on the ledge and brings in its first fat guy on the show since that fat black dude from road rules who was the biggest bitch in the world, I forget his name but he had great titties. This new fat dude is teamed up with the abby morgan of the gauntlet Katie. The fat dude is named eric and will be the token drunk chris farley. But lets give up for MTV for casting a fat dude! This team will surprisngly last for awhile, I think.

Lastly is the Token newcomer and his partner that crazy ass bitch Tonya. Tonya in five years will either be porn on internet reality sites like bangbus or soft core cinemax. And lets be honest cinemax is a stretch for her. Also I am sure she will say something racist to token before the show is over.

The actual two first shows which aired back to back were somewhat intersting. The first show was the draft which I recapped and a mission where Coral and Evan won, and the austin cast proved how much douchebags they were by kicking out some of the fresh meat from the cabins so they could make out in peace.

The second episode involved Wes trying to make a pact to vote out Shane and Linette, and dumb ass Wes thinking he could trust tanya. Tanya in turn told everyone else Wes's plan which resulted in an all Austin gauntlet. The mission before the gauntlet was some dodge ball on tree stumps shit where everyone focused on the austin cast, and Coral and Evan pulled off yet another victory. In the end Wes and his cunt beat danny and his cunt leaving danny's girl cunt Melinda to cry alot. The gauntlet this time is some wierd ass mission that actually seems grueling, and no other cast members can watch. I hope the next gauntlet makes people cry.

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