Drunk and Focused Employee of the Month

In honor of En P's recent employee of the month award here is some of that brand new david banner and shadow shit featuring one of the dudes from Frontline and some dude named nump. Dope Dope shit.

Seeing Thangs
Also the drunk and focused employee of the month is suppilied with an autographed picture of Omar Epps giving a thumbs up sign and a sweat suit from Sean John bought on cleareance from Filene's basement and only worn a few times! If En P keeps up the work he will soon have his own stable of carriers working for him.

Is Beat Pervert Going to Touch it or Not?

With Beat Pervert trying to drop some ish on the disrespectful tip he did not realize how much he dissed himself. If I am the Jarobi of DAF, that would make him Q-tip; which means he'll start his career off with some respected shit then end it by falling the fuck off with pseudo club tracks like "breathe and stop" or whatever the fuck that sorry shit Q-tip released a few years back. So, Beat Pervert you can keep pleasing your hipster fans at Tuesday Scissor Test with E-40 records but don't forget the closest you're getting to the Bay is your 20 minute drive from Dover to Portsmouth when you get to cross the Great Bay Reserve.



Now that that business is taken care of I can post some new music.

When I first heard this song, Webbie was on it. Webbie sucks so I was like this song sucks. I found out Lil Wayne is going to be on the album version of Cam's new album so I got all excited and downloaded it. I like the concept of the song, cus honestly we've all been through this, is she going to touch it or not?

Camron Ft. Lil Wayne - "Touch it or Not" (radio edit)

Not being a big fan of DMX for any reasons other than nostalgia purposes (listening to him in middle school) I saw he had a new single and a new album? This song is pretty boring and I don't like Swizz Beatz. If you like Swizz, this is a pretty standard "Swizz" beat and it sounds just like everything else they have ever done. But now they're "in here!!"

DMX - "We in Here"

This song here has a dope video and interesting production from Mannie Fresh. Pimp and Bun are nice over a beat that complements their styles well.

T.I. Ft. UGK - "Front Back"

You remember Bonecrusher, right? Maybe not.. he did some shit a couple years ago and has been pretty much under the radar. The only thing that attracted me to even check this track out was the "Ft. Chamillionare" part, but I was let down by Chamillionare's weak half assed verse.

Bonecrusher ft. Chamillionare - "Get up on It"

This song I keep hearing on the radio late at night and I like it because I think to myself "shit, everyday I'm hustling." If your hustle is going to class, cutting hair, being a bellman for 8$ an hr. and hitting my 3's when I'm open then everyday I am indeed hustling.

Rick Ross - "Hustling"

Everything is cool in an awkward interview

First things first en p is the jarobi of drunk and focused (and side note I don't care what anyone says Tribe's Love movement fucking sucked), I am saying I should have ghost written his last post like a Lil Wayne record cause I had to school him on that new mobb deep shit (and you still forgot to post the newest joint), I am saying keep that old man of the mountain out ya mouth and keep your nose to the trl grind, or I'll pull a wu tang and cut your ass off and leave you driving cabs for a living like cappadonna (or worst send you back to your previous life as a doorman and that dude justin ain't as generous as ghost face, you won't be able to carry for him after getting cut off)

Now that some side bidness has been taking care of it's on to the season finale of the gauntlet. They start off with the final gauntlet of the year between derrick and timmy in a reverse tug of war. Timmy knocks out derrick ending his run as captain, and conversely making him lose out on a shitload of money. The final mission is broke down into three missions where each team has 250 coins of jew err pirate gold (cartman moment).


Each team has the same idea and decide to try to stack a mission and put all their chips in for one. The veterans choose the eating competition and the rookies go with the relay race with Landon, Mj and Alton.. The eating competition is first and the veterans send up all but two of their players for it, while the rookies counter with one less with a four man team. Than out of the blue the girl that every rookie thought should had gone home, IBis, eats about 10 pounds of roti by herself as the rookies eek out the victory after a whole lot of bitching and complaining. At first the veterans thought they had won but Mormon julie still had food in her mouth as wee man went to the replay to decided the photo finish. I am saying I know Julie is mormon and all but you really have to swallow if you want to get paid. Since the veterans bet all their money on this mission and lost they decided to give up the rest of the competition and tell the rookies they won. Then it ends. And the worst gauntlet in mtv history is mercifully over. I watched 10 minutes of the reunion special and Cara and kina argued. Then after the show both agreed to do a playboy shoot together with Pumpkin and New York from Flavor of love. Bitch ass Randy was seen crying in the background.

Now to cleanse my soul from that gauntlet nonsense here is some of that rap music

First up is a new track from Too short ft. Bun B and 50 Cent and it is dedicated to that BIOOOTCCHHHHH erica from dover soul

I'm a pimp

Next up is some new mobb deep flipping the same cybotron sample as missy's last song

Everything's cool

Lastly a dope track from mark b

u like that

Finally we leave you with some Kraftwerk

autobahn


most awkward interview ever

and introducing the Pork Star Killa....noone gettin iller

First things first I have never seen someone go from a big huge fatass, to just plain old fatass and go on a power trip like brokeback vito. Hell do you think after subway Jarrod lost all his weight that he pulled a power move on becoming manager at the blockbuster store he was working at? The show starts off this week with brokeback vito giving good ol wing tips paulie a tip and some info on a dominican money laundering spot. Vito said it would be empty but when they get to the spot there are three dudes that need to be disposed of and one before he is slaughtered gives Paulie a hard knee to his walnuts, but its all worth it cause the score is for nearly a million dollars.

Chris and bobby then confront AJ about him trying to buy a gun and telling him he can't go there. We then return to tony dreaming he is Kevin Finnerty and finding a summons to appear in court for the Buddhist monetary heating incident. Tony goes to the Monastery and tries in vain once again to explain who he really is to no avail. He then returns to the bar and tells the bartender he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and maybe he really is kevin finnerty. Back in his hotel room tony finds a invitation to the Finnerty family reunion when on the phone with his wife, who he's unable to tell that he was diagnosed with alzheimers.

Chris also wants to get back into the movies with an idea of Saw meets the godfather. He is partners with Little Carmine and wants each of the captains to invest in the movie that was written by JT, the writer dude from previous seasons that owed chris a ton of money from gambling debts. After Vinny Delpino (y'all realize that this mafia driver used to be on Doogie Howser MD, and I am saying NPH would never do that) roughhouse jt out of a class he is teaching on writing and into a jeep where chris is waiting for him. Chris tells Jt he needs to write a screen play for him to wipe out the gambling debts he is owed. JT then pitches Chris's movie idea to the "investors" of what chris calls a story of a "wise guy with a big mouth, and bigger dreams."

Carmela finally loses it after seeing a tabloid tv show with footage of Aj and them misquoting him as saying, "Growing up Soprano , it's just plain weird." She calls him a cross to bear and the after that incident, the next day she goes see Dr. melfi. During the therapy she says she knew exactly what she was getting into when she married Tony, but worries and feels guilty for making it seem alright to her children how Tony makes his money. She even questions if she truly even loves tony.

Silvio can't handle the pressure of being the boss, and his asthma is taking a toll on him. After a late night visit from bobby who needed a ruling on a issue of territory with Vito, Sil has a viscous asthma attack and the next morning he needs to be rushed to the hospital. Bobby seeing Silvio on the stretcher doesn't ask how he is, but instead says he never called him in the morning to tell him what he had ruled on his and vito's dispute.

Paulie visits Tony and starts talking nonsense about all of his problems and he is getting older etc, etc, etc, as Tony's blood pressure rise. FInally he goes into cardiac arrest as we cut back to him dreaming and slamming on the wall for the next door neighbor to shut up as he is getting directions to the reunion, and they tell him to follow the weird light he has noticed throughout his dream. When he gets to the house he is welcomed by host who is Tony V (Steve buscemi) who says they have been waiting for him, and everyone is already inside. Buscemi then tries to take Tony's briefcase but tony holds steadfast to it and says his all his business is in their (which is odd since it is Kevin Finnerty's briefcase) and keeps hearing a faint girl's voice going, "Don't go daddy...don't go"

Back in the ICU we see meadow calling out for Tony not to go as Tony finally comes back to life and opens his eyes. Tony is back which makes Vito and Paulie realize they need to give the 100,000 tribute from the score to Carmela for Tony, after both were trying to avoid it if Tony was going to die, showing their true colors. Carmela see's through the timing of the gift and realizes they only gave the money up become Tony was back.

Now for some of that rhethorical shit

Does anyone else think Carmela look's like a bird? MY roommate keeps harping on that. I am saying eddie falco is getting hated on severe these days, especially the non make up look.

How long before fin shoots brokeback vito after he makes one too many passes on him?

Did silvio remind anyone else of mikey from the gooniees in this episode? I am saying tv has not seen this much inhaler use since mikey was hunting buried treasure.

Anyone else wish goonies and sopranos alum, Joe Pantoliano made an appereance in Tony's dream? Or do you think he was too busy promoting Larry the Cable Guy's new movie?

Could 50 Cent Really Talk His Way Into Heaven? - Probably

Beat Pervert tipped me off to the new Mobb song on the XXL website. For the article and song go here : http://xxlmag.com/online/?p=551. This song has got me exicited for the new Mobb album which has been pushed back to April 11th (I believe). Well, this song is causing a little controversey because of Prodigy's comments in the third verse about God and Jesus. I personally think they're hilarious. The song is dope and is more cathcy then their first single from the album. Hopefully this will see some time on the radio unlike "Put em in their place."

Here's the song (unfortunatley all I could find right now is a mixtape version but I will post the album version if I can procur it)

Mobb Deep ft. 50 Cent - "Pearly Gates"



the antichrist?

Whatcha know about drugs

New mix is done, I think this is gonna be a new weekly drunk and focused thang. Fuck pirate radio this is ninja radio. And even Omar Epps knows thats word. Anyway here is the mix, which is in the fashion of my tuesday scissor test weekly, which means its all over the place but grounded in good ol fashion rap music.

whatcha know about that

sixtoo - boxcutter emporium
jamie lidell - daddy's car (boom bip remix)
radiohead - I Will (scott matelic remix)
camron - get em girls
clouddead - dead dogs two (boards of canada remix)
project pat - googly moogly
daedelus- axe murderation
TI - what you know about that (low budget remix)
amon tobin and doubleclick - ownage
fog - check fraud (kid koala remix)
tittsworth - trixx
geto boys- Mind playing tricks on me
Too Short ft. Jay Z - Here We Go (lil jon remix)
RJD2 - Here's Whats Left
KMD - What a Niggy Know (remix)
Del - Eye Examination
JEL ft. Wise Intelligent - WMD
Charisma and Peanut Butter Wolf - Methods

Also as a special bonus cause I am that dude thats so benvolent, here are a reup of the past two mixes
what thee ho message?

good drugs


Next what the fuck is up with larry the fuckin cable guy having his own movie? Worst yet this redneck bastard cunt sold out at UNH. I am saying white people need to check themselves if they think this cracker is funny. Fuck this dude, I mean fuck em. We all know he bit his whole style from ernest. And you Larry the cable guy are no fucking ernest.

Lastly I am djing tonite in Durham,NH at Libby's for a fundraiser. For five bucks you can get your dance on as I play shit you can do the running man too. Rumor has it that my mix tape partner Evaredy will be up as well. I am saying we don't play out that much together and the last two times we have it resulted in us been banned from a club for playing hardcore rap kusic (More on that late but FUCK DOVER SOUL)and then the last time we played out a fist fought broke out a benefit show we spun. I am saying y'all been warned. Anyway here are a couple old blends we did from a mixtape from sping 2004. Its some brokeback remixes that the tigerbeat crowd loves.

Phil collins stunt 101

trick luhs da kids

Soulja Slim

I always thought Soulja Slim was the hardest rapper on No Limit before him and P had a falling out. Today I came across a bootleg from this year and I remembered how much I liked Slim and how I completley wrote him off after he got killed a few years back.

In case you forgot about Soulja Slim here's a little reminder on what you've been missing:



Soulja Slim ft. C- Murder - "Streetz Made Me"

Soulja Slim - "Boss Man"

Soulja Slim - "From What I Was Told"

And on a side note in regarding Beat Pervert's statement about my "weed carrying"; We all know Beat Pervert is just bitter because NH has been "carrying the weed" for MA since the beginning of time.



even he got sick of living in NH

Googly Moogly Little Papi is here

Boston's favorite dive bar singer, and living proof white boys can wear cornrows (fuck the haters you braid that shit up champ), Bronson arroyo has been traded for the man beast known as Wily mo Pena, who will probaly hit five balls right through the green monster this year alone. Big papi said pena hits the ball even harder than he does and Big Papi could hit the ball through a fat women from 400 feet away. Hell Big papi even once saved Andre the giant from a grizzly bear attack and then after knocking out the bear, he skinned it and made it into a rug which he gave to manny Ramirez as a house warming gift. Plus dude is only 24, and all the red sox had to give up to get him was the eddie vedder of baseball, or as boston redsox fans currently refer to him as the 7th man in a five man starting rotation. And as an added bonus we get to stick it to the yankees when Pena becomes a baby ortiz, and plus we have someone to spell trot against lefties and to fill in when he hurts his hamstring or quad or shoulder or has an unfortunate pine tar incident that leaves him blind in one eye and with only one nut, I am saying pine tar is dangerous shit.

In honor of Wily Mo pena drunk and focused gives you some of that new project pat bidness
Project Pat - googly moogly

Next up is the gauntlet. Fuck the gauntlet. This episode was bullshit and they didn't even show the gauntlet finale, they teased up the final and then pulled the to be continued bullshit with a tease of the gauntlet finale of derrick and timmy in reverse tug of war. Instead of recapping the useless episode which all built up the gauntlet whichthey showed during the first commercial break, I am gonna do rhetorical questions, comments, and nonsense.

Has their ever been anyone as dominant in the gauntlet as Alton? And do the rookies not lose male gauntlet missions because they realize they would absolutely get destroyed by alton in the gauntlet? He is like Hulk Hogan in the 80's, you cannot fuck with him. Plus he basically told jody she was a transition girl and you know he still hit that shit, and then again in the morning and probaly twice in the afternoon. Bitch ass randy has dreams of being alton.

Speaking of randy is he the most whipped bf in reality tv history?

TJ Lavis is a full grown wee man from jack ass.

Talk about beating a dead table. (horrible joke referencing when derrick had a hissyfit and kicked the table and broke the legs)

How bad has the gauntlet been this season?

I am saying Veronica should be on every gauntlet just so we can see her titties as she fist fights with katie or beth or whoever, I am saying they need at least three bitches per team to ensure drama.

Julie is fucking insane. Seriously fucking insane. How can we forget she tried to kill veronica one on a mission? I am saying she makes ron artest seem normal.

They need to bring back redneck country singer Jon from real world LA for one of these challenges, and he has to wear a hulk rules ripped shirt for every mission.

Lastly here are some radio mixes that unlike the gauntlet are actually entertaining

First up is the new podcast from Mad Decent Radio and diplo
Mad Decent part 2

Next we go over to them England boys and a mix from Coldcut who brings out that jungle music
coldcut solid steel mix

Last is some of that lemon red mix series with Emynd and Bo Bliz with some of that electro cuteness
60 minutes of music about guns, bitches, and money with similar bpms

Also Emynd makes dope t-shirts, I am saying someone buy me one, I am broke. If you buy me one I'll send you mixtapes galore and naked pictures of bea arthur. I am saying someone must want to do this deal.
bea arthur goes dumb for t-shirts

Lastly a fuckin snake ate me, a fuckin snake. Aww Damn breaks the news of samuel jackson's latest masterpiece.
snake's on a motherfuckin plane

I'm gonna put a bullet in his fucking mummy head

Sopranos have came back with fucking vengeance and this episode does not disappoint at all. The show opens with tony waking up in a random hotel room and heading to a bar. He calls his home and is greeted by answering machine of two young kids, not aj or meadow, saying hi you've reach the sopranos. The next morning Tony goes to sign into a business conference and realizes he has the wrong wallet and briefcase. He realizes he grabbed the wrong one at the bar the night before and this wallet and briefcase belong to Kevin Finnerty, a solar heating system salesman. Tony heads back to the bar hoping he can find Finnerty but has no luck, a group of fellow businessman hear about his stroke of bad luck and invite him over to their table for dinner, where we find out Tony has one various awards for his salesmanship. After they finish with dinner, Tony attempts to pick up a women from the group, at first she is into it, but then stops suddenly because she can't do it because she knows how much Tony loves his wife from the way his face was after he got off the phone with her earlier, and Tony knows this is true and even comments how he couldn't make an affair occur (side rant coming up) I love how they brought in this alternate life tale to begin the show while Tony is in the coma. Its a weird look into what Tony could have been like if everything was different. Its the same tony but not, it reminds me of what happened to ray liota's character in goodfellas after he went in the witness protection program, you see tony as average, law abiding, vulnerable man, who can't catch a break.

A helicopter light shines down onto tony and as he looks up at the searchlight we are brought back to the ICU at the hospital where Tony is being worked on by doctors with Carmela and Meadow at his side. Carmela asks the doc if he knows he is dying and doctor replies he is unsure. I figured this was going to be a weak gun shot and tony would be fine at the beginning of this episode but it turns out the gun shot damaged his internal organs and he is in a coma, on a ventilator and his chance of survival is not good, and even if he does survive their is a high chance of brain damage.

They cut back to respectable business man tony who uses Finnerty's credit card to check into a hotel, when he checks in a couple of buddhist monks(no wu tang) overhear that he is Kevin Finnerty and approach him to complain about a faulty heating system he installed in their monastery, Tony tries to explain that he is not Finnerty, but they don't believe him and one of the monks slaps Tony across the face and they begin to shove each other, it quickly gets broken up (after tony falls over a bell hop baggage carrier) and the Buddhist monks run off. The next morning tony goes to use the elevator but it is out of order with a stuffed teddy bear holding a "Bear With Us" sign. Tony takes the stairs but trips and knocks himself out. Then we are brought back to the ICU where the doctors tell Carmela to prepare for the chance of brain damage, and Janice visits and has a dramatic breakdown. They cut to Junior who is being interviewed by a pyschologist to see if he is mentally fit, when asked about the Tony shooting he claims if anyone shot tony, it was tony since he was a depression case. Gene's Funeral is then shown and we see a meeting of the captains where Vito causes trouble by bringing up the issue of who takes over Gene's sports booking racket, and why Bobby wasn't babysitting Junior that night instead of Tony.

AJ finally stays with his father overnight, after avoiding it for the first few days. As he is leaving he talks to tony and tells him he will get revenge for him on Junior and will, "put a bullet in his fucking mummy head. I promise." As he leaves the hospital room carmela praises him for finally manning up and staying with his father, well until AJ informs her that he flunked out of school. Carmela's face drops as she replies, "My God with your father in a coma."

The show ends with businessman Tony in the Hospital after his spill down the stairs. He has a mild concussion, but the real diagnosis was Tony had alzheimer's disease. Tony then returns to his hotel room and picks up the phone, but can't get himself to dial home as the show ends.

I killed 27 sharks....one poacher and a fat kid

Second part of the drunk and focused mix is up


what thee ho message?
boards of canada - Zoetrope
project pat - chickenhead
diplo - money, power, respect
lil jon - throw it up
AFX - ?
gangsta boo ft. 3 6 mafia and project pat - who we be
can - oh yeah
eat cloud - bow'd brain
themselves - this about a city...alive
david bowie - man who sold the world
kid 606 - done with the scene mogawai remix
daedelus - touch of spring
beach boys - wouldn't it be nice

calm ya ass down...new mix is up

I am going on over night drunk to the Maine and before I kill a shark or two I will leave you with the first part of the new drunk and focused mix


what drugs did you take
tangerine dream - phaedra
kid 606 vs drop the lime - exctasy motherfucker (remix)
knifehandchop vs. 0=0 - Down with technics (remix)
odd nosdam - record loop
godspeed you black emperor - sleep
The Illusion - Its so so
rakim - casualities of war (militant remix)
siquor ros - baba ti ki dido
noam chomsky - what is terrorism
boom bip -from left to right
prefuse 73 and four tet - creating cyclinical headaches
squarepusher - ultra transistor
bjork - hypberballad(dj ayres remix)
tittsworth - 4 tops

Also a little gauntlet summary. Rookies lose kina goes in for the final gauntlet and instead of picking the logical choice, the weakest player, and the girl everyone on the team thought she go in, Ibis, she picks Jillian. The gauntlet is sticky ball which is basically a cat fight where titties fly. Kina roughhouse Jillian and gets the win, as MJ says his redneck ass will be quiet pissed if they lose the gauntlet now because they lost jillian one of their best players instead of Ibis. Kina does't care because she is a selfish cunt and loves the fact she has a whipped bitch of a bf and is guranteed a spot in the finals now. Next week I am rooting for the rookies to lose and alton to destroy kina's bitch randy. I fucking hate this show

We can get gangsta

Anyway like rakim once said it's been a long time since the sopranos have left you, and other than the wire and curb, hbo has really not left you with another dope show to step to... The Sopranos open up with a little montage including a shot of meadow gyrating in her underwear, which means they finally have found good spot on the show for her with random t and a shots and her not talking. They also show celebrity fit club alum, and local gay mobster Vito showing off his new slimmed down figure. I am saying Vito loses some weight and dude thinks he is next in line to be boss. I haven't seen a fat guy go from being really fat to just kinda fat and get an ego like this since subway Jarrod, and we all know Jarrod had to get aids to help him go from fat ass to just kind of chubby. Also Aj has long hair now, I am talking eddie van halen type long hair, and to boot when they were showing scenes from previous seasons they show him smoking from a gravity bowl, not sure why this is important but it just is.
(if you don't want to know what happened on last nights show skip ahead to the end)

The show opens up a year after last season ended and Johnny Sack is still in prison which means Phil Leotardo is running his crew now, and y'all remember phil from last season and that drama with tony v and what not. Phil visits johnny in jail and tells him he is playing nice with tony and Sack assures him to do so cause they don't want world war III happening. Then they begin to feature Eugene pentagram a hell of a lot in this episode which is kinda of weird cause dude was always a bit character. Turns out he had just inherited 2 million dollars and asked tony if he could retire to Florida. Tony said he would think about it, while in the mean time Christopher orders Eugene to make a hit on a deadbeat and promises to put a good word in with tony. Elsewhere Hesh and his son in law Eli get jumped by some wap thugs that turn out to be down with Phil's crew. Hesh gets a broken nose and Eli gets a beatdown then stumbles into a taxi who does an old fashioned hit and run on him. Tony meets with phil to discuss what happened and they say they will pay 50,000 to make up for the incident with Hesh because they had no idea Eli was down with Hesh etc, and if they did know they would have never touched him. Then Tony agrees to a 65 - 35 split on Office Park. Christopher balks at why Tony would make such a deal but tony explains that he needs to keep johnny happy in jail and if johnny is happy he will keep phil on a leash. Elsewhere Gene gets the bad news from Silvio that Tony says no to Florida. He returns to his wife who bitches him out for being a pussy and tells him why don't you just shoot tony cause she knows he had killed before. Gene then gets a call and it turns out to be the FBI, we find out he is an informant and they want to now make gene their number one guy inside after Curto dropped dead right before he was going to rat out tony. Gene left with no choice hangs himself leaving the feds fresh out of rats. Tony is back at the shrinks office who calls him out on the whole Junior situation and not admitting his mom was a cruel bitch who could care less about him. When tony tries to call out Melfi on her own mother relationship she retorts, "She was controlling and manipulative at times. She also never tried to kill me." Tony is then called off a boating cruise to come look after Junior who is losing his mind. Tony tells Junior to go put in his teeth and he will cook him up some food, but Junior living out the Geto Boy's mind is playing tricks on me song in a fit of paranoia grabs a gun instead of dentures and shoots tony in the stomach and then hides in the closet as tony struggles to call 911.
Prince Paul - You Got Shot

Project Pat _ We can get gangsta

Also new mixes coming soon as I can get them off the fucking laptop and into mp3 form. Side note fuck laptops I need to go back to four tracks. Anyway here is the playlist for the mixes which should be up tonight or tomorrow

tangerine dream - phaedra
kid 606 vs drop the lime - ectasy motherfucker (remix)
knifehandchop vs. 0=0 - Down with technics (remix)
odd nosdam - record loop
godspeed you black emperor - sleep
The Illusion - Its so so
rakim - casualities of war (militant remix)
siquor ros - baba ti ki dido
noam chomsky - what is terrorism
boom bip -from left to right
prefuse 73 and four tet - creating cyclinical headaches
squarepusher - ultra transistor
bjork - hypberballad(dj ayres remix)
tittsworth - 4 tops

project pat - chickenhead
diplo - money, power, respect
lil jon - throw it up
AFX - ?
gangsta boo ft. 3 6 mafia and project pat - who we be
can - oh yeah
eat cloud - bow'd brain
themselves - this about a city...alive
david bowie - man who sold the world
kid 606 - done with the scene mogawai remix
daedelus - touch of spring
beach boys - wouldn't it be nice

Chicken...that doesn't taste like chicken..it tastes like soup

First things first I was about to congratulate En P for truly being drunk and focused after his cell phone slam dunk after two bottles of merlot, than I reread and saw it was two glasses. Two glasses is what a girl drinks for a buzz, and that is only because they have smaller brains than men and thus get drunk easier (its science you can look it up). En P is officially the official "drunk and focused weed carrier who carries the weed in a purse". And if you don't understand the term weed carrier go to for a full and detailed report on hip hop's greatest weed carriers. salute to weedcarriers For example back in the day I would have held for B2, now he would hold for me, think current day Jay Z and Jaz O, or for the rasslin heads Triple H and Ric Flair now. Anyway since en p needs to keep his sally in check, here is some more project pat with hopes he will be able to man up and get to two bottles soon.
Project Pat - that drank

Now since that is cleared up here is possible the greatest snl sketcth to never make air. I think I have watched this skit at least once a day for the last week and half and made my gf want to kill me cause I kept answering all her questions with the phrase, "chicken...that doesn't taste like chicken...it tastes like soup."
The Old Prospector Gus Chiggins

2 Glasses of Merlot Gets Me Drunk

Yes, 2 glasses of Sutter Home Merlot gets me pretty drunk. I drank two glasses this weekend and found out I was a "strawberry" when after 2 glasses I slam dunked my cell phone into a 9.5 ft basketball net on my friends street (it was a pretty nice dunk too). After 7 years of drinking I find it hard to believe I can get drunk this easy but it doesnt bother me and I don't have to drink much to be completley belligerent.

Anyway, here's some new shit I was listening to when I decided a slam dunk was more important than the face plate of my cell phone.

Pitbull - "Bo Jangles"

Bubba Sparxxx and the Ying Yang Twins - "Ms. New Booty"

Bubba sparxxx is back and this song is funny as fuck.

Yanni is shooting motherfuckers at a point blank range

Apparently you don't mess around with Yanni, hell even Wayne Brady tucks his chain in when Yanni comes around.
gorilla pimpin for Yanni

In honor of Yanni "layin da smack down" drunk and focused got some of that Oscar winning Three 6 Mafia and project pat
Three 6 Mafia - Ridin' on chrome

Project pat - this ain't no game

Project Pat - rinky dink


As usual its Tuesday which means the weekly Drunk and Focused Gauntlet Report. First things first the gauntlet has become depressingly boring lately. Nothing happens anymore which is leading to a bizarre job of editing by the mtv folks to try to stir up interest. This week's mission was to have each team member climb a wall with rudimentary tools(noodles, duct tape and panty hose), and be able to get all 9 members up without having any other member touch back in the pit after they have climbed over the wall. The rookies went first and used a strategy of using each other to get the first 8 people up. Problem was Landon was stuck at the bottom with no way to get up. The rookies struggle to find a way up, until the micheal jordan of the gauntlet, Alton, decides to go back on the wall and have landon climb over him as he hangs from the edge, knowing that if he falls back into the pit his team is disqualified. So of course mtv goes to commercial and comes back as the veterans walk past the rookies( the teams were sequestered during the mission so no team would have the added bonus of seeing how other team did it). But they never tell or show what happened for the rookies, and if they made it during the commercial break. The veterans start up and are soon in the same predicament as the rookies with Timmy being left at the bottom with no way to get up, but no veteran is willing to step up to risk themselves to help him, and they end up running out of time. Then mtv announces the rookies won and show a token replay of alton helping landon climb up. The alton legend grows but it is another boring gauntlet over all as the gauntlet concludes with the lame ass coconut shit with Derrick taking out Brad, yes the dude who cried after getting a wedgie during last season's inferno, pretty easily. Hopefully this show stops sucking next week when Kina finally loses her mind.

more Drunk than Focused.

Me and Beat Pervert talked about this one time. If you're drinking beer and talkin about gettin drunk, you're a fucking lightweight sissy ass bitch. Unfortunately, I had to break my rule tonight. A lot of these boys on here are FOCUSED. But there's a bit of the DRUNK factor missing, so here's a story...

It's Friday night and I'm not going anywhere. Jenny and I are sitting at the kitchen table; she's painting her nails pink-crimson and I'm complaining about my stomach. Jenny says "I want you to call me your girl. I want you to say it." We're not dating, we're not even together. Or are we? When did she make that decision and why didn't she include me in the discussion? She has a random emo band on the stereo ... shit, they all sound the same. I don't mind the music, it makes me feel young, like I'm back in high school. But that's the main problem with emo: it makes you feel like a pedophile. Like you should be 14 years old and crying about some girl who checked "NO" on the "DO YOU LIKE ME OR NOT" note you passed to her in 7th-period English.

It's around 8pm and I'm still bitching about my stomach. I've been drinking heavily for the past year, sheer escapism. But lately, even the smell of liquor makes me nauseous. I have a strong dislike for beer, but Jenny doesn't hesitate to comment: "What about beer? You might be able to stomach it." I stop and think, but she doesn't give me a chance. "I'll be right back. I'll get you some." she says and she's gone, out the door. I sit there and think "She should watch out. If she's not careful, I could stay with her." And realizing I haven't told her I'm leaving tomorrow and I may never see her again. Time passes and she's back. HOMEGROWN BEER... Yuengling Lager (the Yuengling brewery is an hour north of my city; go for the free tour, they give you two glasses of their beer for free). She tosses me a six-pack and puts the other in the freezer. I start in, going for a steady plan of one-beer every three minutes. Jenny goes back to painting her fingernails. The TV is on, a good show, That 70's Show. A decent way to spend the night.

This is my first time getting drunk on beer. I didn't have a sip of alcohol until I was 21. Technically, 20. February 25th, 2004, the day before my 21st birthday, I walked into the local State Store, determined to make it through checkout. That year, I had just officially quit the freelance journalist bullshit, sick to death of objective reporting. It was freezing in PA, so I decided to move one-hundred miles south to Baltimore, arriving at my boy Aaron's place with a cardboard box full of gin and whiskey and tequila. We drank and drank and laughed and I took a piss outside while he took a shower and I got locked out of the apartment for an hour. Good times until he brought in a pair of kittens and I spent a few nights sneezing my eyes out. I left him with the rest of the liquor (except for the whiskey) and drove to Memphis, spending the rest of March drunk in the backseat of my car by the Mississippi river. Fast forward to tonight...

Almost midnight on the front room couch. Twelve cans of beer are sloshing around in my stomach. I feel incredibly bloated. I do the math: it takes about nine cans of beer to do what a glass of gin can do. What a price to pay. Jenny notices my grinning, my cockeyed walk to the fridge to get a glass of orange juice. And I haven't even pissed yet. She giggles at me and pushes a tiny bottle of nail polish under my nose and tells me to inhale deep. I do as I'm told and lay back as my brain sizzles. She smiles and pats my stomach before walking to the kitchen and taking the beer cans out to the recycle bin. Everything's good. I like the idea that I can live off beer until my stomach mans up enough to take on liquor again. Jenny walks back in.

"Listen." I say.
"You're drunk, baby."
"Mmmm."
"What is it?"
"I'm leaving tomorrow."
"What?"
"Tomorrow."
"What the hell."
"I'm sorry."
"So what, that's it?"
"Make me stay." I say, and I say it with sincerity.

But that's all there is. She knows she can't keep a drunk around. She's got college classes to worry about. It's our last night together, so she doesn't get mad. But she doesn't sit close. There's the look in her eyes ... you know you've done something wrong, you might even know what it is, but you know there's no right answer, there's no cure. So you take the hits, you take the consequences. You sabotage everything, you ruin it all: your jobs, your girls, your friends, your life. It's all crashing down around you. But it's time to get the fuck out of Dodge. And you're too drunk to give a fuck. So you kiss her goodnight and get your coat and you piss out in front of her building, behind the shrubs. Everything you own fits into your car's trunk. You spend the night sleeping in the driver's seat. In the morning, you're gone.

"Hey, you mind if I use your computer before I go? I got something to write."
"Whatever."
"Thank you."
"Go fuck yourself."
"Kiss me and I'll tell you I love you."
"Remember to log out before you leave."
"Fuck your technology."

Kid america club

I am not sure if this is he dumbest or greatest thing I have seen, either way go there.

the Kid america club

Jacking your advice part 3

Every once and awhile drunk and focused likes to delve into the love advice world and jack some fools columns. We'll jack anyone from dear abbey to Carrie Bradshaw, hell if ice cube had an advice column I'd jack him too, but today we are jacking the Boston Globe's bobby Simpson, who is really Mark Godes, but since his last name rhymes with chodes, he decided to change his name to bobby simpson, and have his name be mark godes who writes as "bobby simpson" cause his government name blowed (like the project and yes rhyming is fun)

First off to ask some damn advice is a broad named maggie whose question was:
"I was wondering what you opinion on couples living together. I have read so many articles about how it can hurt a relationship in the long term. I was just looking for some real-life examples, especially as far as paying bills and splitting chores and stuff is concerned and I would love to live with my boyfriend of four years, but I am afraid it will doom our relationship if we get married in a couple years. Maybe its just me being paranoid."

bob replied: 2 choices move in or get married.

My reply to bob: "Bob You ignant slut"

First things first the whole why but the cow if you can get the milk for free is outdated. You wouldn't buy a an expensive car without testing driving it first, then why in the hell would you marry a girl before taking her out for a romp in the backseat of your dodge stratus? I am saying the same thing with living together. Fuck if you want to spend the rest of your life together you better be able to live together for a year before hand. If you worried after 4 fucking years that your relationship can't handle moving in together, your dumb asses probaly shouldn't get married and should start fucking other people immediately. I heard bob simpson was single you should give him a call maggie.

This next one is from a girl with the clever name of girl with a crush who wrote: "So there is a guy at work that i have a huge crush on. I am new here and don't know too many people, but this guy is so adorable. He makes me look forward to going to work every day. The problem is that his married. He has only been married for a few months. I would never date or do anything with a married guy, but it so hard knowing that he is taken. At first I thought it was nothing, but then I noticed that he has been looking at me with a cute face and often comes to my floor just to chat. How can I get over this? Again, I would never mess with a married guy, but he is just soooooo cute. Any suggestions>

Bob replied: He's off Limits

My reply to bob: "Bob you ignant slut."

We all know how this tale is gonna end. Its gonna be at the Christmas party and this dudes' wife is gonna be home with food poisoning or the flu or rabies, I don't know for some reason she won't be there. And dumb crush broad and adorable dude are gonna get drunk on the merry cheers of the holiday (and tequilla shots), and then are going to slip to the bathroom and crush girl is going to give him a sloppy blowjob in one of the stalls. The next day at work suddenly adorable dude stops talking to you and you later found out he bragged about the blowjob too all his co-worker chums and rumors spread, and by the time it reaches the mailroom the story ends with a gangbang and you servicing the janitor who was dressed up as Santa Clause with a blumpkin.

Last here a couple of baile funk songs that I forgot to put in yesterday's post

mc marcinho - te amo demais (versao danca)

mc markinhos and mc deloris - rap de diferenca

Go stupid, dumb, and hyphy

my new column is out in the Wire this week focusing on that hyphy and baile funk shit. You can find it here
Go Dumb

And that top 5 shit is as busted as the gauntlet's beth(copy and paste done got me and yes I know it should read shadow with three freaks and e-40 with "tell me when to go") So here is the drunk and focused remix of that top 5 list

First up here is a few thangs on tell me when to go with E-40 and keak da sneak. I am saying for now on when you come to Scissor Test you have to ghost ride the whip down state street or you won't be able to get in.
making the video

Tell me When to Go Remix

Next is the Shadow produced Three Freaks with Keak Da Sneak and Turf Talk, which I posted up here a while back so if you missed it then here's another chance
dj shadow ft. keak da sneak and turf talk - three freaks

Now I was gonna post the before mentioned federline track, I mean I think disco d is solid on production but Kevin Federline is fucking wack. I mean props on banging britney but that doesn't make you a rapper. Your no big daddy kane, cause not only did he bang madonna, he could rap his fucking ass off. And because his song is fucking wack here is what he bit and how the song should sound

Popozao

Next is Bonde de role and their track Funk Da Esfiha
Funk da Esfiha

And here is 2 live crew's doo wah diddy so you can have you choice version of the old doo wah diddy hit in miami bass or baile funk style
2 live crew - doo wah diddy

And here is some more of that hyphy shit
federation - go dumb remix

mistah fab - stupid, dumb, hyphy

Ever wonder the difference between hyphy and thizzin?
yay area slang

Last here is a good blog to get hyphy shit, at least when it was updated (dude hasn't posted since the end of 2005), but this dude used to have all the hyphy shit on lock and is definitely recommended to check out and still get a bunch of shit from the end of 2005
get stoopid