Monday, January 23, 2006

On to the next ex

Allright I gotta say Jake Plummer you just punched me straight in the stomach. Man I haven't seen someone go out this soft since Shawn Micheals threw Marty Jannety through a window at Brutus the Barber beefcake's barbershop and marty jannety proceeded to fall off the face of the planet while the heartbreak kid become one of the biggest wrestlers of all time. I am saying Big ben just made you his bitch and his beard isn't in the same league as yours. I used to have a fail safe logic that redman taught me when he said the bigger the hair the easier to scare a foe, and guess what I thought this rule was never going to be broken.

Think about it as soon as method man and redman shaved off their afros their music on the whole got progressively worse. Hell I can pin point when the wu finally started to show cracks in their armor. It was a live performance for the AIDS (American is dying slowly comp) show when I was in 8th grade. First rza was reading his lyrics straight off the paper he just had wrote them on, and then to make matters worse meth took off his ball cap to reveal a bald head, I am saying the wu or meth never recovered from that, and its like their careers had aids cause they started to slowly suck (and that pains me to say because I grew up idolizing them fools). I am saying did you hear the latest method man albulm, oh no you didn't? Well me either, and yes that's exactly my point. (But I am saying I love meth on the Wire, I am saying thats my dog man, my dog)

Jake Plummer turned out to be the girl you thought you would be able to get over your first love with. You see if your a broncos fan you will always be obsessed with John Elway, he was the ultimate qb because you knew no matter what the situation was you would feel safe with Elway at the helm (sorta of like the modern day tom brady). Anyway Elway was the stone cold steve austin, it took him awhile, (I am saying when I was 8, I was balling my eyes out when the broncos got run in yet another super bowl and I might have even cursed the elway name) But fuck it like Austin, Elway kept to the grind until he finally found paydirt with two straight super bowls (not to mention a million car franchises) and immortality. I am saying Elway 3:16 is still gospel to any broncos fan. Now here is the problem with plummer you want to like the dude regardless of the obvious warning signs. He is the girl that you would have an unreal one night stand with; I am saying one night with plummer and your seemingly hooked. But then reality comes in that this unreal hookup is a girl thats fucking insane and can't be trusted. And although she is twenty times better than your previous ex, Brian griese, you still have watched VHI behind the music to realize that the end of the relationship ends with this girl burning your house down lisa left eye lopez steez. Jake Plummer is this girl and no matter what, him and the broncos ain't heading for a happy ending as long as he as he is running the team. I am saying one good night does not equal a lifetime of bliss, and if you want proof of this just ask the sprinter peyton manning, who in the first two minutes of the game is the best in the world, but over the long haul can't come through in the clutch, think heather graham in any movie her role is not to get naked in. I am saying name one good heather graham movie she did not get naked in (and no swingers doesn't count because her having nice titties was the only reason she was in the movie, she had had what 10 lines at most?)

Anyway here is some mp3s for the moments you realize your on to the next ex because at first your calm:
people under the stairs - san francisco knights

then you realize why you got to dump here:
chromeo - Needy Girl (paperfaces remix)

next you realize you have to because you are feeling suffocated:
blur - out of time

Lastly you realize soon enough you''ll be tellling another girl you love her like this sap:
atmosphere - don't ever fucking question that

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